Project: 615th Medics and Docs
Edited with Photoshop CS3, original
Stop the (Love) Madness!
It was a long hiatus, I know. The 12-hour long shift at the clinic kind of messed up the productivity level. For how long I am going to blame everything on the 12-hours work each day, I do not know. All I know is that I must do something else other than the usual routines. The work-chu, chu-work (working out and chowing DFAC food in between) is not healthy.
Don't get me wrong, I do have movies, photoshop, art set, and PSP here in my room but the creative juices have dried up. I need a source of inspiration. I realized that my old posts were inspired by strong emotions -- of frustrations, sadness, elation -- and they were written despite of barriers. I spent money, energy, and sacrificed a lot of things to have them published (rented a PC even at that time when funds are low, skipped classes, set aside important things) to have my thoughts put down on an electronic sheet of paper. I was burdened by emotions I do not like, but the ideas for the perfect words to describe what I feel, perfect colors to put on a canvas were overflowing. Where have they all gone? Did they lay dormant or did they disappear for good?
Love, love, love. That is what everything is all about. This blog seems like a journal made for romantic encounters. Every encounter turns into a heartache in the end but the excitement I felt got my mind, heart, and hands racing all at the same time! I have drawn possibilities in my mind and although they did not materialize, they gave me false hope that fed my creativity.There is so much to tell about things we feel but couldn't explain. The fun wasn't in figuring out why I was doing it but in why I couldn't stop. Call it the Love Madness.
Now, I am sane. I am stuck with a kind of maturity as society defines it. There is no more chasing for the perfect words or colors because growing old required me to prioritize stuff that they deem more important. I have stopped admiring people in an unhealthy way like I did before. No more pointless hurting, no more looking up at people as if they are Earth's gods. Oh I was successful in eliminating the love madness in my life! I am a certified well-rounded adult.
Relapse. I am waiting for a relapse. My heart is praying for it. I am going for it because I want to feel alive again.
