I'm living a crazy life right now. You know what crazy means? It's when you choose to do the less important things rather than attend to the more important ones... just because the latter seems to be more enjoyable, when the truth is, the former are just too challenging and tiresome.
Last Wednesday night, I chose to go with Dave to visit his friend in a casino. I have classes every thursday so I knew about the probability that I would miss my 9AM argumentation class again if I dared to come home late. I'm really worried about my standing in that class because of my obnoxious habit of being late. I already missed two quizzes but you know what? I chose to stay at the casino until past 4 o'clock of thursday morning. Dave and I stayed at McDonald's P. Campa until 6AM.. I got home at 7:20. My legs are aching but I hurriedly went to the bathroom so I can attend Ma'am Mercado's class. As I was about to grab my bag, I glanced at my watch and quietly thanked God for giving me 1 hour for travel time.
While at the LRT, I kept on glancing at my watch as if the time's going to cheat me by trying to move too fast. I searched for my celphone to check for messages - 1 message received. It was princess saying that Ma'am Anna won't be able to attend to our class.
Bullshit.
So, I when I reached Recto, I went straight to a computer cafe to look for more files related to our research study. When I was about to log-out, I received a message from Andrew saying that Sir Fojas won't be able to attend our next class and, yeah, he assigned some paper work...
Crap.
I don't know if I should be thankful. I skipped sleeping just to attend their classes. But it seems that they skipped classes to give me time to rest, although it wasn't really the case.
Last Friday, Dave and I were supposed to have an overnight at our house to finish our thesis that we must pass today before 12noon. But because Dan communicated his intention of having a post birthday celebration at Leo's place, I immediately texted Dave to let him know that the overnight was off and the I must attend the inuman instead. If Mrs. Reyes will find out about this, she'll say "You're not thinking" Yes, Ma'am. It's just now that I realized that I've been thinking too much about the future that I don't get to enjoy the present. I realized that the present is actually the future I've thought too much about in the past but until now, I still don't feel as if my plans are getting done because I got no satisfaction from refraining from doing things I should've done. I'm not really sure what I'm talking about here... (this is exactly what I said to myself last night while doing our research)
Anyway, back to inuman with Dan and High School friends, I was saddened by the number of people who showed up. There were just 4 guys: dan, kim, tj and leo. Girls? Asa pa. It's a good thing Danielle agreed to come with me. I think they enjoyed having Danielle there. Nakzs. I'm sure Danielle is not the type who visit blogsites so I guess she won't be able read this entry but still, I want to thank her here for being a good company that night... and the following morning at Mcdonalds PRC. Wow, 7AM-10:30 AM kami nagkwentuhan!
When I was younger and less mature, I never imagined myself being with the I-don't-care type of people. I look down on them as if they are garbage in the society. People with no clear-cut goals in life infuriated me. But, unfortunately, it turns out that I'm destined to be one. Hehe! So... yeah, I'm living a crazy life and I don't think I have the time to explain. =D
the debate...
[ the debate ]
danilo and I, as a team, were one of the first two teams who laid down arguments for and against the motion "Immigration laws are harmful to migrants". We have assumed that we can win the debate easily because somehow, we've gone through necessary preparations. We don't know how the other team worked their matter, but we know we have a big advantage when it comes to teamwork. It doesnt mean that I'm belittling their abilities to argue, I just would like to point out that josh's partner is an irregular student. It means there's a possibility of conflict in their schedules. We were right in this assumption.
I'm not interested to spill details of the debate that took place, but I'm happy to tell that we won. But it's not the kind of victory that is to be proud of. I mean, where's the glory in winning when you know you haven't been able to exhaust all your potentials? By the way, I only got an 80. I don't know if I should be contented about it or not. why? well, danilo got 84. Our opponents got depressing scores of below 40.. but 80 is still 80, it only looked aceptable when it is compared to much lower scores. I'm not blaming other people for my grade. Hell, I don't think I have the right to blame anyone for it. My point is that I could've done much better. You know, I'm regretting not being able to show them that I have what it takes! It seems that my stage fright is here to stay! One of the comments made by my professor is that I just read my arguments and everything all throughout my speech... ma'am, you don't have any idea... I wasn't reading my notes, I was just pretending to be reading something so I could just look at my index cards and avoid focusing on the audience.. I don't need to read, I made my own arguments, I know them by heart. Second, she said that I failed to further discuss my analysis of the cases I presented. I became lenient on this particular debate. Why? I just don't have the heart to make our opponent feel worse... trust me, I felt that they were praying for me not to further prove my points.
Aarrghh! stage fright go away! you've taken too much already! I wonder what's really my problem... confidence? inferiority complex? fear of evaluation? oh anyway, I think I just need to be thankful for what happened because no matter how much I whine, it can't take back what's already lost. right?
danilo and I, as a team, were one of the first two teams who laid down arguments for and against the motion "Immigration laws are harmful to migrants". We have assumed that we can win the debate easily because somehow, we've gone through necessary preparations. We don't know how the other team worked their matter, but we know we have a big advantage when it comes to teamwork. It doesnt mean that I'm belittling their abilities to argue, I just would like to point out that josh's partner is an irregular student. It means there's a possibility of conflict in their schedules. We were right in this assumption.
I'm not interested to spill details of the debate that took place, but I'm happy to tell that we won. But it's not the kind of victory that is to be proud of. I mean, where's the glory in winning when you know you haven't been able to exhaust all your potentials? By the way, I only got an 80. I don't know if I should be contented about it or not. why? well, danilo got 84. Our opponents got depressing scores of below 40.. but 80 is still 80, it only looked aceptable when it is compared to much lower scores. I'm not blaming other people for my grade. Hell, I don't think I have the right to blame anyone for it. My point is that I could've done much better. You know, I'm regretting not being able to show them that I have what it takes! It seems that my stage fright is here to stay! One of the comments made by my professor is that I just read my arguments and everything all throughout my speech... ma'am, you don't have any idea... I wasn't reading my notes, I was just pretending to be reading something so I could just look at my index cards and avoid focusing on the audience.. I don't need to read, I made my own arguments, I know them by heart. Second, she said that I failed to further discuss my analysis of the cases I presented. I became lenient on this particular debate. Why? I just don't have the heart to make our opponent feel worse... trust me, I felt that they were praying for me not to further prove my points.
Aarrghh! stage fright go away! you've taken too much already! I wonder what's really my problem... confidence? inferiority complex? fear of evaluation? oh anyway, I think I just need to be thankful for what happened because no matter how much I whine, it can't take back what's already lost. right?
A Flower In Bloom
I made this reflection paper for my Peace Education class.. crazy stories will have to wait, serious matters first! LOLZ!
A single still image can convey a thousand moving meanings. That's exactly what I realized the moment I've been able to view the 60 photo entries competing for the prestigious Angel C. Palanca photo contest with the theme "FEU: Sustaining a Culture of Peace" My impression is that each and everyone of us has an idea of what peace is. I don't know much about photography but there's one entry there that really caught my attention, the picture of a flower with the blurred administration building's facade as its backdrop.
Since I was born, I've been told about how dangerous the world is. When I was a child, my parents would tell me not to talk to strangers or accept things offered by people I don't know. I've been told not to go to some places. I've been told not to do things because they are bad for me. Unfortunately for my parents, their only daughter seems destined to grow stubborn and disobedient. I've dealt with the wrong people and got hurt, physically and emotionally. I've been to places I never should have gone to and got lost, literally and figuratively speaking. I did things that got me into seriously messed up situations, to the point that what has been at stake is my own life. I felt like I'm a soldier going through battles with the complexities of this world. I'm at war… at first, without actually knowing the whole point of what I was doing or what the fight is for. Should I just regret all my previous actions and blame myself if I find my journey pointless and unproductive? Or should I go on, because maybe, I'll come across enlightenment in the end.
Then a bitter-sweet realization struck me – whatever I did, wherever I've gone to and whoever I met, however lousy the people and the situations were, they helped me in my search for the real meaning of peace. We can only appreciate silence only if we've known noise. We can only recognize beauty if we've seen in our own eyes ugliness. We can only be able to understand, bare and heal the inequalities and injustices in the world if we'll see them in the standpoint of a person who has actually experienced them all. Maybe I've met the wrong people, but isolating myself from them wouldn't pave way for my growth. Maybe I've been to all the wrong places, but because of that, I discovered the things most people are afraid to find there, and trust me, they aren't that bad (and believe me, the most interesting people are in the wrong places) Maybe I did the wrong things, but surely enough, they taught me life's greatest lessons. World peace can only be possible if individuals who advocate it are at peace with their inner selves and sadly, it isn't inherent but can only be developed.
So, what does a flower got to do with it? Simple. Our world is in a blurry condition because chaos and confusion reign. People should be like that flower in the picture. It continued to grow and bloom into beauty despite the chaotic environment that surrounded it. The flower offers itself as an inspiration for people to see things in a different light.
A single still image can convey a thousand moving meanings. That's exactly what I realized the moment I've been able to view the 60 photo entries competing for the prestigious Angel C. Palanca photo contest with the theme "FEU: Sustaining a Culture of Peace" My impression is that each and everyone of us has an idea of what peace is. I don't know much about photography but there's one entry there that really caught my attention, the picture of a flower with the blurred administration building's facade as its backdrop.
Since I was born, I've been told about how dangerous the world is. When I was a child, my parents would tell me not to talk to strangers or accept things offered by people I don't know. I've been told not to go to some places. I've been told not to do things because they are bad for me. Unfortunately for my parents, their only daughter seems destined to grow stubborn and disobedient. I've dealt with the wrong people and got hurt, physically and emotionally. I've been to places I never should have gone to and got lost, literally and figuratively speaking. I did things that got me into seriously messed up situations, to the point that what has been at stake is my own life. I felt like I'm a soldier going through battles with the complexities of this world. I'm at war… at first, without actually knowing the whole point of what I was doing or what the fight is for. Should I just regret all my previous actions and blame myself if I find my journey pointless and unproductive? Or should I go on, because maybe, I'll come across enlightenment in the end.
Then a bitter-sweet realization struck me – whatever I did, wherever I've gone to and whoever I met, however lousy the people and the situations were, they helped me in my search for the real meaning of peace. We can only appreciate silence only if we've known noise. We can only recognize beauty if we've seen in our own eyes ugliness. We can only be able to understand, bare and heal the inequalities and injustices in the world if we'll see them in the standpoint of a person who has actually experienced them all. Maybe I've met the wrong people, but isolating myself from them wouldn't pave way for my growth. Maybe I've been to all the wrong places, but because of that, I discovered the things most people are afraid to find there, and trust me, they aren't that bad (and believe me, the most interesting people are in the wrong places) Maybe I did the wrong things, but surely enough, they taught me life's greatest lessons. World peace can only be possible if individuals who advocate it are at peace with their inner selves and sadly, it isn't inherent but can only be developed.
So, what does a flower got to do with it? Simple. Our world is in a blurry condition because chaos and confusion reign. People should be like that flower in the picture. It continued to grow and bloom into beauty despite the chaotic environment that surrounded it. The flower offers itself as an inspiration for people to see things in a different light.
