the debate...

[ the debate ]

danilo and I, as a team, were one of the first two teams who laid down arguments for and against the motion "Immigration laws are harmful to migrants". We have assumed that we can win the debate easily because somehow, we've gone through necessary preparations. We don't know how the other team worked their matter, but we know we have a big advantage when it comes to teamwork. It doesnt mean that I'm belittling their abilities to argue, I just would like to point out that josh's partner is an irregular student. It means there's a possibility of conflict in their schedules. We were right in this assumption.

I'm not interested to spill details of the debate that took place, but I'm happy to tell that we won. But it's not the kind of victory that is to be proud of. I mean, where's the glory in winning when you know you haven't been able to exhaust all your potentials? By the way, I only got an 80. I don't know if I should be contented about it or not. why? well, danilo got 84. Our opponents got depressing scores of below 40.. but 80 is still 80, it only looked aceptable when it is compared to much lower scores. I'm not blaming other people for my grade. Hell, I don't think I have the right to blame anyone for it. My point is that I could've done much better. You know, I'm regretting not being able to show them that I have what it takes! It seems that my stage fright is here to stay! One of the comments made by my professor is that I just read my arguments and everything all throughout my speech... ma'am, you don't have any idea... I wasn't reading my notes, I was just pretending to be reading something so I could just look at my index cards and avoid focusing on the audience.. I don't need to read, I made my own arguments, I know them by heart. Second, she said that I failed to further discuss my analysis of the cases I presented. I became lenient on this particular debate. Why? I just don't have the heart to make our opponent feel worse... trust me, I felt that they were praying for me not to further prove my points.

Aarrghh! stage fright go away! you've taken too much already! I wonder what's really my problem... confidence? inferiority complex? fear of evaluation? oh anyway, I think I just need to be thankful for what happened because no matter how much I whine, it can't take back what's already lost. right?