I never liked the look, feel, and smell of a hospital, maybe because my first time in one wasn't a good experience at all. It was 3 o'clock in the morning, I am supposed to visit my ailing grandmother who gave me a surprise gift a day before she had her third and last heart attack. Although she tried to hold on to her life for nearly a month while in coma by responding to medicines and various electronic apparatus beside her, she wasn't aware that her efforts proved to be in vain. The doctor told us, just three days after grandma was admitted in one of Makati's premiere hospitals, that our dear grandma's case was hopeless.
After hearing what the doctor had to say, I decided to go home, without even seeing my grandmother on her death bed. My aunt insisted that I stay, and talk to the patient. This was after the doctor also said that even if grandma won't be able to move any part of her body, she can still hear us, and knowing her, she will listen.
I said no.
Against the wishes of my relatives, I left the hospital and went back home. I figured out that if I tried to talk to a dying loved one, I will just beg her to fight and fight harder, ask her to never leave me, which is unfair. She can't. At home, inside my room, I did so many things at the same time that I couldn't find the right term for it. I cried, prayed, thanked God and grandma, wished for a lot of things, made promises, and asked for forgiveness. When it was over, I smiled because I experienced a blessing which lasted for 15 years of my life, being a part of the life of a great person -- my grandma.
It was the first and last time I let teardrops fell for my grandma. I knew she never wanted to see me cry again and again. I miss you, lola. Happy new year to us, here on Earth, and there in heaven.
This IS My Plan...
My mother once asked me if I have any plan for my future. "Ewan ko" was my answer. Does that mean my life has no direction? I don't know. Actually, I have a better answer than "ewan ko" but I have decided to leave it unsaid because my mother wouldn't like it. She hates my way of thinking.
I believe that life is a road with so many twists and turns that creating a map out of it is impractical. For me, planning is worthless when you can't even tell what's going to happen in the next 5 minutes. I can say "Hey, I want to be a pilot" but then here comes a ten wheeler truck approaching and it hit me. I didn't die, but the doctor said the accident left me with no eyesight and a paralyzed upper body portion. Can I still say "Hey, I want to be a pilot"? You can come up with a million inspiring quotes fit for Hallmark cards, but let's face it, the answer is, and will always be, NO. That ten wheeler truck erased a part of my plan and now I have to reconstruct a new plan which can accommodate a person with disabilities. There's nothing wrong with working on a new blueprint for success. My stand is, I am not good at it so I'd rather not. Instead of trying to predict tomorrow's surprises and prepare for them with blind eyes, I think I'm going to hide under my table and surprise future's uncertainties with my unpredictability.
If you didn't find any sense in this entry, sorry... it wasn't part of the plan.
I believe that life is a road with so many twists and turns that creating a map out of it is impractical. For me, planning is worthless when you can't even tell what's going to happen in the next 5 minutes. I can say "Hey, I want to be a pilot" but then here comes a ten wheeler truck approaching and it hit me. I didn't die, but the doctor said the accident left me with no eyesight and a paralyzed upper body portion. Can I still say "Hey, I want to be a pilot"? You can come up with a million inspiring quotes fit for Hallmark cards, but let's face it, the answer is, and will always be, NO. That ten wheeler truck erased a part of my plan and now I have to reconstruct a new plan which can accommodate a person with disabilities. There's nothing wrong with working on a new blueprint for success. My stand is, I am not good at it so I'd rather not. Instead of trying to predict tomorrow's surprises and prepare for them with blind eyes, I think I'm going to hide under my table and surprise future's uncertainties with my unpredictability.
If you didn't find any sense in this entry, sorry... it wasn't part of the plan.
Ako Ito.. Nye!
Kim, thanks a lot for this! Kahit late! HAHAHA! Ayus lang!
Because I was a bit dissatisfied with the`profiling results of the first drawing I gave him, Kim agreed to burden himself again by going to his professor for a retry. This time, he was armed with either a voice recorder or pen and paper. Thanks, Kim! Anyway, Uhmm, the things I had to draw were: snake, house, tree, and a well. I signed on the same paper twice and put the date when I did the drawing. If you want your drawings interpreted, you might want to hunt down a certain Prof. Cruz somewhere in Mapua Makati. If he's good at this or not, you be the judge.
Kelly!! sori ngeon lang.eto na ung resyult ng profiling ni Sir Cruz:
- 3 stars for extreme regression! haha
- Your current focus are the places important on career direction / financial direction
- You are passionately in love with sensual contact importance
- You have internal anger
- you are very intelligent, with vitality in life. Naks!
- you have anxiety
- You are extroversive = loves people
- Sexual disturbance
- dominating
Because I was a bit dissatisfied with the`profiling results of the first drawing I gave him, Kim agreed to burden himself again by going to his professor for a retry. This time, he was armed with either a voice recorder or pen and paper. Thanks, Kim! Anyway, Uhmm, the things I had to draw were: snake, house, tree, and a well. I signed on the same paper twice and put the date when I did the drawing. If you want your drawings interpreted, you might want to hunt down a certain Prof. Cruz somewhere in Mapua Makati. If he's good at this or not, you be the judge.
Kelly!! sori ngeon lang.eto na ung resyult ng profiling ni Sir Cruz:
- 3 stars for extreme regression! haha
- Your current focus are the places important on career direction / financial direction
- You are passionately in love with sensual contact importance
- You have internal anger
- you are very intelligent, with vitality in life. Naks!
- you have anxiety
- You are extroversive = loves people
- Sexual disturbance
- dominating
