While Track 56 Was Playing

Next month, she'll be moving to another place, and only God knows how long she is going to stay there. It is going to be the same, normal. And by normal, it means cold and lonely until something actually exciting happens at work. Her job pays little, but it brings surprises, though she prays for another patch to stick on her uniform's Velcro because that means additional fund for her penchant for foreign cuisine and online shopping.

Right now, she is consuming her eighth cup of coffee for the day while looking through the window to watch the December snow fall and kiss the ground. It is white and peaceful in the New Jersey suburb where she is staying now, but they are not enough to calm her troubled soul. Inner panic, that is how she would describe it. Something is about to happen. Or, something might have already happened.

After she managed to figure out what was bothering her, a smile appeared on her face. The bitter kind. She placed the empty cup on the nearby table, not even knowing why she did and what to do next. See, an answer triggers another question.

Why can't I just forget about you? When I know you have already forgotten about me... about us...? If it felt so right being together, then why do we have to part? Why does this distance enough reason for you to stop loving me? Why can't I just love another, somebody who's physical nearness can bring warmth in my cold world? If we do stay in love, and meet again, are we going to recognize each other, as if nothing has changed or will we feel as if we're strangers trying, forcing to revive something that died a long time ago?

Being miles away from the people she love so dearly is killing her little by little, like a living thing trying to survive without the sun. She buried her face on the cold palms of the hands that are longing to clasp with her lover's. Next month, instead of the hand of her heart's desire, it is the loaded m16 that she will be holding.

She stood up and grabbed the empty cup that left circle stains on the table. Ninth shot of caffeine coming up.