I hate myself for being a conformist sometimes.
Why is it that when parting time comes around, all that we could say to the ones who are leaving is "Goodbye"? When in fact, there are so many other words that could best describe how we feel about the whole, sad situation, right? Goodbye is such a weak word; too plain and empty. Behind that word must be a great meaning, but we have no idea what it is. Do we care? At least we have "goodbye". We have something to use when the sad, sad situation hit us so hard that when we try to speak, we know words would only follow after the tears have already fell.
Goodbye is short. We have time to control the emotions after uttering the word. We can try to hide the watery eyes by immediately wearing a weak smile amidst the heavy heart. I know, it's like I'm trying to portray goodbye as a form of faking or some kind of a lie, but I like it a lot. It is such a sweet invention built to cover up the sweetest, yet mushy, stuff. It will be a very good replacement for the words I love you, be a better writer, sorry if I annoyed you, thanks for the friendship, I learned a lot from you, you made me a better person, I will never forget you, you made my stay here worthwhile, thanks for the memories, and I will miss you.
I heard goodbye will be a very in demand word in the coming days. I should know, I am part of the trend. Did I already mention that I hate being a conformist?
I Don't Think So, Buddy...
Hayup ka boredom! Dinadala mo ako sa mga lugar na ayoko namang puntahan! Salamat na rin kasi natawa ko dun ha? Hahaha!
“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
I promised to myself yesterday that I won't be writing a single word this Saturday. However, while trying to find something new and interesting on the web, the browser took me to a disgusting place. A site that made me puke, laugh out loud, puke again, and write because of so much bulllshitt going on there.
They say reading should be a pleasant experience, but this one delivered something so infuriating I had to give up a smirk. For an author who shamelessly abused the beauty of words, a much deserving reward.
If only I were completely clueless of the bittersweet realities of this form of farce called life, maybe I could have lauded you for writing entries that perfectly adhered to the rules of grammar and sentence construction. You are a good writer. However, because I am not a fan of intolerable rudeness and hypocrisy, I'd rather keep my list of "Writers to Look Up To" short than see your name on it.
Hay ang nega-nega nire! Azzzar kasi some tao eh! - HAHAHA!
Obsessing Over Taktakan...
Dancing in all its forms cannot be excluded from the curriculum of all noble education; dancing with the feet, with ideas, with words, and, need I add that one must also be able to dance with the pen? ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Due to the ceaseless inflow of obligatory work-related (read: must do) tasks, my bum rarely gets off the chair, whether I'm in the office or at home. The only parts of my body which experience some workout are my eyes and fingers. My eyes do the reading while my fingers move to retell in a non-derivative way the skimmed and scanned articles. Oh, I forgot to include my brain that I believe is already flecked with shades of black and blue because of the beating it suffered, and still suffers, from trying to understand complicated computer and business terms simultaneously.
"To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking." ~ Agnes De Mille
Because of these mentally challenging tasks that require me to sit down, shut up, and enslave myself for long hours, I miss doing some things which I really love. One of them is going to my "exclusive" dancefloor located at the 2nd floor of our house; the wide open area in front of the radio. I miss tapping my feet, swinging my hips, and swaying my hands all together in the most awkward ways. Forgive me, but dancing makes me happy. The more stupid-looking the moves are, the more I enjoy doing them. Don't worry, I always make sure that the windows are closed whenever I feel the urge to lose my sanity temporarily and relish the wonderful solitary moments with an upbeat music. I want to dance! My body is longing to make love with music. Let me dance, let me dance!
There are short-cuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them. ~ Vicki Baum
Whenever I dance, I feel like I'm in another world. A place where nobody will stare at me and say "dancing is not for you" just because my feet and the rest of my body could not coordinate very well. I want to dance because it is one of the very few life's activities that can really tire me out yet make me feel so alive! When you dance, you are giving yourself the chance to live the life of a person you really want to be, or go back to that happiest part of your childhood. That time when you are so carefree because you don't have any idea how cruel and judgmental the society is, which, unfortunately, you are a member of. During that time, you are not required to understand and follow rules yet. Yes, I recapture those lost memories when I dance. Dancing takes my weary heart and spirit in a place of pure innocence and freedom; happiness in its unadulterated form.
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~ Japanese Proverb
Tomorrow is Sunday. I will deal with my backlog later in the afternoon and allot generous time for dancing early morning and late at night. I will dance again, I swear, and just to make things new, I think I'll leave the windows open this time... NOT!! Hahaha!
The Guessing Game
I never meant to hide anything from anybody, but I love to be deciphered. Amuse me, tell me what's on my mind. If you're correct, there will be a reward. A grin -- another puzzle -- let me see if you are the type who wouldn't easily give up. If you are wrong, you are entitled to another try. There is really no point in guessing because nothing will be confirmed nor denied.
For 1460 days, it soared. Left a moment the blue sky to perch on a precious stone. A slave and master of omnifarious phraseology, stimulates fiery ardor in my pusillanimous organ of tumtum.
Haaaay...
For 1460 days, it soared. Left a moment the blue sky to perch on a precious stone. A slave and master of omnifarious phraseology, stimulates fiery ardor in my pusillanimous organ of tumtum.
Haaaay...
Dear Reader,
If you know of any method that can help me get rid of this pervertd mind, please tell me about it.
Due to heavy rain and severe case of laziness, I have decided to turn our house into a workplace. Yes, I didn't have enough courage to get out and face the challenges of real world. I stayed at home to be with our four ugly and stinky dogs so I could smell like them for just one day. However, I decided to spend the whole day in front of the computer instead after I noticed that the dogs are trying to avoid me. With a broken heart, I told them, "Offsite ako ngayon...". They just gave me that look that expressed apathy. Oh well...
I thought that by working off-site, I will have the chance to finish my work earlier than usual (usual = late). I was wrong. The presence of Multiply, Blogger, and Friendster made me lose my focus on XML and SSI. I also found other interesting websites that made me forget about my so-called professional duties. Even my vainglory got in the way. I googled my online anonym "naughtykel" and I found the link to my old site where I used to post stories about my crushes and my thoughts about them.
Some entries were real sick! Hahaha! I am so ashamed of everything I've written there! And I even posted my picture! What really bothered me were the comments made by the other members... they were asking the same question! Oh, well... no need to worry now, I already deleted every entry and all those comments that will haunt me for a long time. Hehehe... =)
If you know of any method that can help me get rid of this pervertd mind, please tell me about it.
Due to heavy rain and severe case of laziness, I have decided to turn our house into a workplace. Yes, I didn't have enough courage to get out and face the challenges of real world. I stayed at home to be with our four ugly and stinky dogs so I could smell like them for just one day. However, I decided to spend the whole day in front of the computer instead after I noticed that the dogs are trying to avoid me. With a broken heart, I told them, "Offsite ako ngayon...". They just gave me that look that expressed apathy. Oh well...
I thought that by working off-site, I will have the chance to finish my work earlier than usual (usual = late). I was wrong. The presence of Multiply, Blogger, and Friendster made me lose my focus on XML and SSI. I also found other interesting websites that made me forget about my so-called professional duties. Even my vainglory got in the way. I googled my online anonym "naughtykel" and I found the link to my old site where I used to post stories about my crushes and my thoughts about them.
Some entries were real sick! Hahaha! I am so ashamed of everything I've written there! And I even posted my picture! What really bothered me were the comments made by the other members... they were asking the same question! Oh, well... no need to worry now, I already deleted every entry and all those comments that will haunt me for a long time. Hehehe... =)
Baliw, Baliw, Baliw!
After a sumptuous dinner (Kim, it was sumptuous, right?) at Shakey's, Kim and I went to Malate last Saturday night. He was wearing decent clothes while I was struggling to retain confidence with my pambahay outfit - baggy pants and a shirt that looked like as if it had been worn by my mother during her bagets years. Well, the icing on top of the cake were my slippers that are a bit oversized for my feet. Well, that's one weird thing about me. I like my footwears a bit oversized for my feet. But wait, let's not talk about my weirdness for now because I intend to keep this entry short.
So, there, I was wearing a horrendous outfit while walking under a dark sky. It showered us with tiny bits of raindrops that I believe Kim didn't really enjoy for he was always looking for shelter. I hate rain, too, but that particular night, I wanted to be at the center of the crowded street. A crazy thought. If I do that, will the jeepney driver allow an all soaked-up, deranged-looking woman, to hop in his ride? And, of course, how can Kim possibly handle all those strange stares? Those were the thoughts playing inside my head while I was outside Starbucks, waiting for Kim to finish answering a "call".
I found one more hindrance to my plan of getting everybody's attention. Cars. The streets are teeming with cars. My attention shifted from cars to a woman who was wearing dirty clothes, peering through the clear glass walls of Starbucks. I was about to turn my back from my crazy thoughts when a group of people passed by. The girls look like models, runway models, that is. They were wearing make-up and skimpy,trendy clothes (I think everything skimpy now are considered trendy), like the ones seen on TV. They look just the same and they even move in similar, orchestrated ways. My mind whispered something to my other self, "With people like that here, how can I make people believe that I am the one who's crazy?"
Time Was Made For Waiting...
Waiting and hoping are the whole of life, and as soon as a dream is realized it is destroyed.
- Gian Carlo Menotti
People queue up to get the best things in life, even if the line is long and the lady inside the booth seems to enjoy taking away one's sweet time. Waiting is said to be the surest way to arrive at that place where success and happiness dwell. This premise looks like it holds some truth in it. But there goes another truth that my twisted mind has created, or realized.
I am one of those people who once preferred patience over aggressiveness. I believe that fate had given me too many free rides before but I refused to hop on because of this thought that played on my mind all those times. This wasn't meant for me. I always see myself as an ordinary person and the opportunities laid down in front of me seem too good to be true. That's why I just closed my eyes and let them pass, thinking I don't really deserve them. So, when I opened my eyes and found them gone, it was really disappointing. However, it was easy for me to accept it because I am, after all, have the lavish of time.
Time was made for waiting. I have spent most of my time tiring myself out by just waiting. Suddenly, I saw myself stepping out of the line. Is this a sign of impatience? I don't think so. I just realized that it isn't really success or happiness that I wanted all along. Fulfillment. That was just it. And I don't think I will find that treasure at the end of the line. Why? Just because the people who were there lining up with me to have a heyday on the bed of roses wear the same worn out faces, or masks. Whatever it is, I'm not interested in having it.
To wait is to let yourself experience a lonesome solitude. And the people who chose to wait in vain were not really happy with what they got from the lady at the booth. I'm not saying that the careless ones should be applauded. They, too, have followed the wrong principles and even disregarded the importance of time.
My point is, step up. Don't leave everything to chance. People who play safe are bleeding because they don't want to bleed. By not getting out of your shell, you can hide from the vicious claws of reality. But that means you get to stay in the dark, too. So, if you really want something, grab it; but don't be careless. Don't be careless with other people's feelings. Also, don't be selfish. Give everything you got
Time was made for waiting. So, how long? Well, good luck on your quest of finding a clock that talks.
- Gian Carlo Menotti
People queue up to get the best things in life, even if the line is long and the lady inside the booth seems to enjoy taking away one's sweet time. Waiting is said to be the surest way to arrive at that place where success and happiness dwell. This premise looks like it holds some truth in it. But there goes another truth that my twisted mind has created, or realized.I am one of those people who once preferred patience over aggressiveness. I believe that fate had given me too many free rides before but I refused to hop on because of this thought that played on my mind all those times. This wasn't meant for me. I always see myself as an ordinary person and the opportunities laid down in front of me seem too good to be true. That's why I just closed my eyes and let them pass, thinking I don't really deserve them. So, when I opened my eyes and found them gone, it was really disappointing. However, it was easy for me to accept it because I am, after all, have the lavish of time.
Time was made for waiting. I have spent most of my time tiring myself out by just waiting. Suddenly, I saw myself stepping out of the line. Is this a sign of impatience? I don't think so. I just realized that it isn't really success or happiness that I wanted all along. Fulfillment. That was just it. And I don't think I will find that treasure at the end of the line. Why? Just because the people who were there lining up with me to have a heyday on the bed of roses wear the same worn out faces, or masks. Whatever it is, I'm not interested in having it.
To wait is to let yourself experience a lonesome solitude. And the people who chose to wait in vain were not really happy with what they got from the lady at the booth. I'm not saying that the careless ones should be applauded. They, too, have followed the wrong principles and even disregarded the importance of time.
My point is, step up. Don't leave everything to chance. People who play safe are bleeding because they don't want to bleed. By not getting out of your shell, you can hide from the vicious claws of reality. But that means you get to stay in the dark, too. So, if you really want something, grab it; but don't be careless. Don't be careless with other people's feelings. Also, don't be selfish. Give everything you got
Time was made for waiting. So, how long? Well, good luck on your quest of finding a clock that talks.
