Lorraine wanted to say something, but couldn't. At first she will give up a smile, then I will encourage her to continue trying to let out the words. After struggling to mumble the words "I", "just", "need", "to", she will stop, to ready herself for the hardest part, saying the remaining of her thoughts.
I will cheer on her, "come on you can do it, Lorraine! I will wait for it!". But her speech defect caused by old age will fail her. Then she'd let go of a sigh, look at me, and smile with sad eyes. The first time we did this, I gave her a pen so she can just write what she wants me to know. She shook her head, a sign that she preferred that I hear it.
It's OK, Lorraine, I'll come to your room again tomorrow, I'll wait for it.
For a week now, I have been walking out of 311 with eyes holding back tears and a heavy heart. Maybe when she's gone, I could forget the way she reaches for my hand even if I can offer no help. Maybe I'll get used to such situations and stop caring like this. Apathy can kill, but caring sometimes can be too torturous.
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“Truth hurts - not the searching after; the running from”
About Me
Medical Terms of the Week
Medical terms of the Week
(Oct 24 - 31 2009)
cluster headache, Horton syndrome
klus'ter hed'ak, horton sindrom
Possibly due to a hypersensitivity to histamine; usually characterized by recurrent, severe, unilateral orbitotemporal headaches associated with ipsilateral photophobia, lacrimation, and nasal congestion. SYN histaminic headache, Horton headache.
tension headache, tension-type headache
ten'shun hed'ak, ten'shun-tip
That associated with nervous tension, and anxiety, often related to chronic scalp muscle contraction. SYN muscle contraction headache.
migraine
mi'gran
A symptom complex occurring periodically and characterized by pain in the head (usually unilateral), vertigo, nausea and vomiting, photophobia, and scintillating appearances of light. SYN hemicrania (1), sick headache.
[through O. Fr., fr. G. hemi- krania, pain on one side of the head, fr. hemi-, half, + kranion, skull]
vertigo
ver'ti-go
1. A sensation of spinning or whirling motion. 2. Imprecisely used as a general term to describe dizziness.
[L. vertigo (vertigin-), dizziness, fr. verto, to turn]
photophobia
fo'to-fo'be-a
Morbid dread and avoidance of light.
[photo- + G. phobos, fear]
Things To Do!
- make list on paper, too! =)
- take classes.
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2 comments:
hey rakel, sometimes you don't have to be helpful to show that you care, you just need to appear harmless in order to touch other people's lives. pag nagkachat ulit tayo magkwento ka nmn tungkol kay Lorraine.. isa ba siya sa mga inaalagaan mo? hayyy... I'm always inspired by your writings and ideas. Please continue to inspire other people and show your kindness even in small and simple ways! I miss u kel!!
thanks, kim! everyone in my workplace is special in different ways, lorraine is an example.. haaay, i learned a lot from my patients, kc i talked to them more than I do with my co-workers (hehe..) it's sad because it is a rule of life that one will wither away eventually but still, has to battle it. and that is fair because all of us will lose in the end anyway.
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