sick in the stomach...

[ o n e ]
this day is sooo tiring, not physically though, because I've always believed that you can always just rest and get some sleep after you've done physically challenging jobs. I feel wasted, because of the dramas some people are bringing into my life. I've always believe that I'm somehow a happy person, having an imagination that is not self-limiting. But people, and dealing with them, can take all your energy from you because you've always got to understand them, and at the same time, keep your sanity, try not to lose it even if it feels like it's already getting out of your hand. what I've realized from my 18 years of living is that most people, no matter how much they try to say and show that they love you or no matter how much they love you in reality, the love for their selves is always greater than the kind of love they could offer to anybody. And I think it's unfair.... so unfair. It's always about self-preservation, survivability over goodwill. "me first" and the "give me more" mentality.

I'm beginning to believe an idea stated before by a blogger like me that I've read somewhere in the past, that only a very few number of people in this world is still worth loving. You know what I'll wish on the first star that will appear tomorrow on the night skies? I'll wish that before my life becomes life no more, I've already managed to have shared a love that is self-less and unconditional.

[ t w o ]
We'll be having our debate on our ParlPrac class this coming Friday, and I was appointed secretary to the presiding officer, who happened to be Czar. I'm a bit nervous about it because I was the one who provided the class the set of by-laws that must be observed and exercised in the debate. Lord, can u make this debate a success for me, please? thank u.

[ t h r e e ]
van, I told myself before that I wouldn't waste another minute of my precious time trying to write something about you here on my blog. Yes, I consider being involved in a cold war against you already a sickening situation... sickening and tiring. You will never hear a thing from me again... You failed to make me witness your good side, maybe simply because it's non-existing. I'm sorry but I'm already one of those so many people around you who've already chosen to see through you, as if you're not there at all. You are now... invisible in my eyes. How pitiful.

P.S.
Please try to keep Kristin, she's the only one left who can tolerate your appalling uniqueness. I just wish she's at least trying to change you... and also your other friend whose pretentious kindness towards me I so greatly admire - flawless and discreet. Did I just say discreet? Oh... I didn't mean to.

[ f o u r ]
promise, no name bashing anymore in the coming entries.