Thoughts and ideas are running crazy all over my mind. I do have stories to share but I can't seem to make my brain work properly right now. My fingers are just stuck on the ASDF (spacebar) jkl; keys. So the following is just a rundown of what happened from may 30 - june 1.
May 30, 2007 (wednesday): I missed work. Had to visit St. Luke's extension clinic. I lack required docs so I went to NBI and Manila city hall instead. Got myself an NBI clearance for travel abroad. Birth cert. with NSO authentication will be released on tuesday.
May 31, 2007 (thursday): I missed work again. Went to St. Luke's. Have undergone physical examinations. Had to disrobe competely. I found exposing my bare body to a stranger a not so pleasant experience. I hated it. I also hated the nurse who extracted my blood. I thought she didn't do a good job. I was right. Read on.
June 1, 2007 (friday): The part where the novice nurse stuck the damn needle hurt. Left around the area is some ugly discoloration. I visited a derma in the morning then went back to St. Luke's in the afternoon. My eyes feasted on something wonderful. Don't be too nosey, it's a secret! Haha! Met Dave at Robinson's Ermita at 6pm. ---- chika galore ----- zzZ in the Makati house at 11pm.
Who's Going Out With Me on Wednesday Night?
Welcome to the Life of a Libran!
LIBRA
Your positive traits:
You are open minded enough to date outside your typical "type" ... successfully!
You are diplomatic - and likely to end a fight instead of dragging things out.
You are easily loyal and faithful, but only for the right person.
Your negative traits:
You're a bit gullible, and partners take advantage of you. You still may not know it.
You find it difficult to decide where to go to dinner, what movie to watch, who to date...
You have to be in a relationship, or else you just don't feel like yourself.
Your ideal partner:
A smooth talker who enjoys socializing as much as you to.
Someone classy and cultured who knows which wine to order with dinner.
Is beautiful to you - although not necessarily attractive in the traditional sense.
Your dating style:
Romantic. If your date comes bearing flowers, wine, and poetry... well, your heart soars.
Your seduction style:
Giving. Your lover's pleasure is as important as your own.
Soft and sensual - you don't like anything to be rough.
Extravagant ... your fantasy involves staying at a five star hotel with your love.
Tips for the future:
Don't be so quick to compromise in relationships - and you'll get taken advantage of yes.
Try being single for a while. Seems impossible, but you'll learn so much about yourself from doing so.
Make some decisions about your romantic life, right now. You'll be happy that you did.
Best color to attract mate: Green
Best day for a date: Wednesday
CALL ME.
hehehe.
May tinapos na kabaliwan. May sinimulan naman.
May tinapos na kabaliwan. May sinimulan naman.
May tinapos na kabaliwan. May sinimulan naman.
May tinapos na kabaliwan. May sinimulan naman.
Aargh! Sina Pan at Doms lang makakaintindi nito. Nakawala na ko sa nakaraan para makulong sa kasalukuyan. Hehe! Labo!
iba naman, iba naman....
My writing carreer is asking me to marry him.
He asks for too much.
He demands a lot of my time!
He pushes me to my limits!
He is such a pain in the ass...
But I love him so much.
Should I marry him and leave my other "flings"
like
Adobe Photoshop
Painting
Webdesigning
Law Study
Master of Arts in Philosophy degree
Weekly tomaan and galaan
?
??
???
May tinapos na kabaliwan. May sinimulan naman.
May tinapos na kabaliwan. May sinimulan naman.
Aargh! Sina Pan at Doms lang makakaintindi nito. Nakawala na ko sa nakaraan para makulong sa kasalukuyan. Hehe! Labo!
iba naman, iba naman....
My writing carreer is asking me to marry him.
He asks for too much.
He demands a lot of my time!
He pushes me to my limits!
He is such a pain in the ass...
But I love him so much.
Should I marry him and leave my other "flings"
like
Adobe Photoshop
Painting
Webdesigning
Law Study
Master of Arts in Philosophy degree
Weekly tomaan and galaan
?
??
???
Million Dollar Baby Damulag
It was just last April 16 when I marched at PICC to receive my college diploma. Exactly one week after, I got hired by Intelligraph and currently, I am processing the pre-employment requirements such as the SSS membership, NBI clearance, PhilHealth... etc. I've been given one week to accomplish the tasks and I must admit that so far, after 2 days of going to many different places, queuing up in many long lines, paying for the services rendered to me and doing all these with limited financial resources, my body is now complaining and asking for just one thing - rest.Wait! I know what you're thinking, 2 days are too short a time to start grumbling. Of course, I still haven't told you that my feet never stopped roaming the busy streets of Ortigas to attend job interviews, jobs fairs and exams since the day I graduated. You probably don't have any idea that I'm also haggling at ukay stores for formal clothings, a task which requires a good amount of time and energy so as to find decent buys... remember, I'm running on low budget and I don't have a big wardrobe of formal wears so ukay goods will do, at least just for now. After attending to those grueling missions, I still lend some time to accompany my friends in their own quest of finding the job that'll suit their talents.
Truth be told, all these are tiring. Sometimes, I couldn't help but complain, especially at times when I cant seem to find the logical link between the task at hand and my goal. I couldn't understand why some private firms' services are worse than that of government's and why some public servants don't love their job and couldn't hide it. I can't understand why some people wouldn't have the discipline to fall in line but are adept in finding ways to double-cross those who seem "weak" to their eyes. But you know what's weird? After being able to accomplish my tasks for the day, I still go home wearing a smile on my face. The reason for this is not just the fact that I'm already hired, but the reality that my time was used in productive activities. I feel like as long as I know that something is worth working for, I will use up the last drop of my blood just to get it done. At the end of the day, I may reach home drained of energy (and a bit of sanity, too) and out of money, but my heart will be teeming with gladness because I know that I am, little by little, making my dreams come true.
In the movie "Million Dollar Baby", Clint Eastwood's character said this line after asking Hillary Swank's character if she's already tired of her boxing training with the former -- "Just go on. You can rest when you're dead"
I want to rest now, but I believe I will have a lot of time for that in the future, so, corporate world.... Veni, Vidi, Vici!
Cure to Disappointments: Apathy
APATHY: A state of not caring; not wanting to know; complacency; indifference; to ignore; disinterested in contemplation; anesthetized by popular culture; a postmodern intellectual narcosis; compassion fatigue; too lazy; too busy; self-indulgence; limited choices in work and leisure-time; non-reflection, non-deliberation and subconscious blocking of distressing information.
Do not say sorry. I wasn't hurt. Forget about it.
Do not say sorry. I wasn't hurt. Forget about it.
Onus, Dolorous, Erudite
googled image only, i certainly am not a guy.. =DIf you consider yourself an erudite (I've used it! For the first time! No! 2nd!) and you know the meanings of the words I've used in the title of this post, then good for you! I wish the range of my vocabulary is as wide as yours because that could have helped in my job screening yesterday! Argh!
The written exam is designed to test our grammar and vocabulary skills. I'm confident in my answers in part 1, which is the grammar test. But in the other half of the exam? NOT! Although I know the meaning of other given high-falluting words in the exam, I know the probability of getting the job I've applied for is very little. I believe so because older (older=more experienced) applicants were also there taking the test with me. Moreover, I read that that company hires only the best, and being a newbie in the corporate world, I don't think they'll consider me as one of the best... at least not yet. Well, if they hire me, I could prove to them that I'm mad to work and desirous of everything at the same time, the one who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"
I'm starting to become a beatnik! Hahahaha!
Madness
"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!" - Jack Kerouac
Is he talking about passion? The rare kind, the same kind I have never ever felt and will never ever have the chance to feel? That wonderful feeling of positivism towards every undertaking; an overflowing enthusiasm that takes hold of one's being so he could climb the top and believe faithfully that he'll stay there for a long time? That insatiable confidence in the abilities and talents he possesses? Like what he has is something so unique that he considers it, not the best, but incomparable? The undying belief that if a bad thing happen, there must be something really good to come?
Or is he talking about plain madness? The kind that had always been inherent in me? That feeling of unexplainable fright to do or take something, because it's so damn hard, but I'll do it anyway because I'm so used to failures already that another one would hardly make any difference. Giving all you've got, even if it pales in comparison with what others have, even if it's so tiring and frustrating, just to show you are able and finding out in the end that, well, it's good enough. And you're so proud of yourself that you start thanking all the people who have become a part of your life, including those who didn't play a big part in your success; even those who have been critical of you or doubtful in your abilities; even those who have just lend you his/her ballpen once... you suddenly love the humanity you once abhor...
I think I really didn't understand the quote.... oh well. I'll just pick an easier one later. hehe.. like, time is gold.. yeah... that will do.
Come out! Come out!
"come out! come out!" - these were Simon Cowell's words to Ryan Seacrest during one episode of A.I. These are the same words I want to say to somebody now, but can't, because... well, what I have is just a funny feeling and I don't have sufficient evidence to support my allegation. In addition to that, I want to pass on being mean for a while... to pay respect to the recent holy week. Haha! Ok, ok... I don't wanna hurt his feelings.. he seems so fragile! hehe!
Anyway, this person I'm talking about, he appears to be gay to my senses. I don't know, I do hope that he's not, but... tsk, I think I'm pretty much sure about it. (So what, Racquel? Why so bothered?) I'm not bothered!! I just find him funny sometimes. He does things to cover up the truth, but the more he tries to hide it, the more his true identity shows. Lesson: It's ok to hide something, but don't make blatant moves that say "look! I'm hiding something!"... it's sick and crazy and funny! I know I'm not the only one who holds the same opinion about this person... it doesn't take a genius to decipher his true identity.
I find it hard, too, sometimes, to go out not wearing the acceptable mask. I kept on reminding myself that there's no use pleasing the society when in reality, the society doesn't really care about you. Society in general is just a collection of selfish, phony and shallow people, so why even try to belong? Answer: The sad reality --- in every person, there's a part which is either selfish, phony or shallow, and growing up doesn't happen overnight. So, yeah, I'm a fool playing a role sometimes... pathetic, right? Society, I so abhor it but it has become apparent that I'm part of it. But I'm fighting, I swear I'm fighting hard to make changes and I know changes should start within me.
It should start within us, right ***?
(name will be revealed if author is ready for counter-attacks) hehe....
Fruit Salad Wisdom
apples not discussed, googled image only
Lenten season means boredom season. I'm not saying that it is for everybody, I'm only applying it to myself because, really, you can not expect unreligious people to be productive in a religious time, especially if it's a commemoration of Jesus' death. Anyway, I'm not here to brag about this apathy I feel towards religion, this post doesn't intend to give way to a religious debate. I'm telling you, I don't have any plausible argument against religion. I don't have the time to waste making one.
Anyway, because it's lenten season, I'm stuck here in my Cainta empty palace doing nothing more than eating, sleeping and surfing the net. I feel so unproductive that sometimes, I surrender to my conscience and wash the dishes. Today, I ate the last of Ate Lani's fruit salad and while indulging in the sweet, mouth-watering (drool, baby, drool!) treat, some weird things just came flowing through my mind (like the salad has some illegal substance in it).
The fruit salad includes these fruits: pineapple, papaya, nata de coco, cherries and grapes. There were lots of pineapples and papayas and a good number of nata. But the cherries and grapes, I had to run my spoon through the bowl just to spot their hide-outs.
Why do fruit cocktail cans are usually filled with more pineapple and papaya and less cherries? (grapes were separately bought) is it because the formers were cheaper? and the latter is more pleasing to the taste bud? yeah, i think so. I just realized that I would rather scour the entire bowl of fruit salad for cherries than satisfy myself with the abundant pineapple or papaya bits... hmm.. well, I envy the people who are easily contented, they are happier because they don't suffer from waiting... good for them... but I know I will still look for my cherries... (forgive my blatant exhibit of the developing insanity)
the problem is, what if there is really no cherry left in the fruit salad?
lamang tiyan din naman ang pineapple ah... kaya ayun, kinain ko rin.
GoodBye Gina!
The girl who rocked A.I's Season 7
Gina Glocksen, the resident rocker of season 7 of the hit show American Idol wasn't really one of my bets, but her farewell surely disappointed me because I know she has a better singing prowess than Haley or Phil... and.. don't even get me started with Sanjaya..
I don't wanna be mean to anyone... I know that being one of the top 12 is enough assurance that he or she has the talent or the potential to be the next American Idol... because the 3 judges, and not yet the US residents, are the ones who determined the dozen finalists. But Sanjaya, he's beginning to be an awful joke in the contest. I read in an on-line article about other idols being annoyed at the questionable, prolonged stay of the 17 yr. old Sanjaya. Can't blame 'em.. true, if I were them, I will find it truly frustrating to be competing with a person who has nothing more than a large fan base and an unripened talent.
But hey, at least when Gina was announced as the latest casualty of the show, many showed a sign of disapproval and disbelief. For Sanjaya, maybe it'll be just plain relief.
go to hell... both of you.
This is not written out of bitterness. Maybe out of wrath because I am a pathetic loser of your game. Maybe out of self-pity because I fell so deep in love with your lies. Or maybe out of confusion because you made me feel two ambivalent emotions, that of the extremes of love and hate.
You will get yours someday, worse than the kind of pain I am feeling right now. Worse than your little brain could ever imagine.
I just wish that someday, your partner (your 2nd and the... 11th, 12th or 13th?) who, I believe, you fell in love with while your eyes were closed, will not leave you (that means **** would have to stay as dumb as he is right now) even if he found out about your dirtty extra-curricular activities.
Fool him. Fool yourself believing that you've moved on from that heartache where your bestfriend was the traitor. I'm leaving your sick old childish games. Finally, you gave me a reason to take back all the good things I said about you... You don't deserve all those praises. You've hurt too many people... enough reason for you not to be happy.
Well, I know you're not really happy now anyway. Still living a lie, eh?
Perfect blog title? Swak? Wait for my next posts... things might get a little bit nastier than this.
You will get yours someday, worse than the kind of pain I am feeling right now. Worse than your little brain could ever imagine.
I just wish that someday, your partner (your 2nd and the... 11th, 12th or 13th?) who, I believe, you fell in love with while your eyes were closed, will not leave you (that means **** would have to stay as dumb as he is right now) even if he found out about your dirtty extra-curricular activities.
Fool him. Fool yourself believing that you've moved on from that heartache where your bestfriend was the traitor. I'm leaving your sick old childish games. Finally, you gave me a reason to take back all the good things I said about you... You don't deserve all those praises. You've hurt too many people... enough reason for you not to be happy.
Well, I know you're not really happy now anyway. Still living a lie, eh?
Perfect blog title? Swak? Wait for my next posts... things might get a little bit nastier than this.
LONGER
I missed her again, even if I can't remember her face anymore because it has been more than three months since the last time I saw her. But that doesn't matter. I don't need to remember her face, it really wasn't all that pretty and unforgettable. There is something about her that caught my attention and I know it isn't just her face.
Still wondering. Why can't I forget her? I've forgiven her... or maybe not, because there's really nothing to apologize for. I was hurt, but whether it was caused by her or self-inflicted isn't really important to know anymore. I will still feel the pain. I will still be wishing for her to come back and be my friend.
And when that day arrived, I will ask her to stay, longer than she intends to,
longer than I expect her to,
longer than she thinks I want her to,
longer than I wished for,
longer than the destined duration for her to be beside me...
longer than forever.
Still wondering. Why can't I forget her? I've forgiven her... or maybe not, because there's really nothing to apologize for. I was hurt, but whether it was caused by her or self-inflicted isn't really important to know anymore. I will still feel the pain. I will still be wishing for her to come back and be my friend.
And when that day arrived, I will ask her to stay, longer than she intends to,
longer than I expect her to,
longer than she thinks I want her to,
longer than I wished for,
longer than the destined duration for her to be beside me...
longer than forever.
time for transformation
maybe it's time for some changes.. not just minor ones, I'm talking about a full transformation. Ron told me, because she heard me telling to doms about the incident of seeing kermit's best friend at school, that if I want something to happen, I just can't leave it all to chance. I've heard it all before, that I'm too slow or I'm not too aggressive in getting the things I want. I'm not insistent enough. I complicate things which are a no-brainer to others. In short, it takes me sooo long before I act on something that the right time to do it already passed.
I need to change. I want to change, really, but I really don't know how and where to start. I was afraid to change before because I want acceptance. But from what I have noticed, people don't really care if you change, as long as they could still benefit from you. They won't care if you shift your style of humor from witty to sarcastic as long as you can still make them laugh. They won't care if I post negative things about other people on my site as long as it isn't them I'm talking shit about. They don't care and they won't give a damn unless it has something to do with them.
Now, I'm going to change.
I will change. I still don't know how and where I'm going to start but I'm telling you, you'll notice it and you only have two choices: love me or hate me.
I need to change. I want to change, really, but I really don't know how and where to start. I was afraid to change before because I want acceptance. But from what I have noticed, people don't really care if you change, as long as they could still benefit from you. They won't care if you shift your style of humor from witty to sarcastic as long as you can still make them laugh. They won't care if I post negative things about other people on my site as long as it isn't them I'm talking shit about. They don't care and they won't give a damn unless it has something to do with them.
Now, I'm going to change.
I will change. I still don't know how and where I'm going to start but I'm telling you, you'll notice it and you only have two choices: love me or hate me.
ending the frustration...
yesterday, I invited a few friends to come over at our place to celebrate with us, because my brother just got married. Apparently, they have more important things to attend to - kim, his scheduled volleyball game; jean, her thesis; leo and jake, their classes. I texted the others but maybe, they were so busy that they can't afford to lose even a few seconds of their time to text back. Even Dave didn't make it because Sir Hec ordered him to re-tally the answers in the thesis survey returns. I got depressed... not because of their absence at the party, but because I remembered Kermit again, and have managed to come up with bitter realizations.
If only things were the same as before, I know Kermit will be there. The only one who will be there. That's the exact reason I love Kermit so much, she finds ways to be there for me. You can say that I'm being irrational because what was missed, after all, was just a party. You may not know this, but when I need to go to a particular place, she would always offer herself as company. Throughout my life, no other person did something like that for me. Nobody could claim that they missed the more important things to be there for me. Nobody but Kermit. So even if my heart is still suffering from an excruciating pain her reckless abandon have caused, I won't let people ostracize her for being a heartbreaker that she is. She deserve some credits.
This is not an attempt to bring back what was lost. I'm not hoping to gain back the relationship I had with Kermit. Honestly, I don't want her back. What's done is done, just move on and don't regret it. I don't miss the person, only her actions. Remember that line from Matchbox 20's "Last Beautiful Girl"? The one that you wrecked won't take you back...
Another thing, why is it so easy to say "no" to me? Kermit said "no" to me, people I invited said "no" to me. As I recall happenings in the past, I noticed that there are more rejections of my propositions than acceptance. Is it an "oh, it's just racquel" thing? I got the message - I'm not that important. Yes, I'm venting out. I'm tired of keeping to myself my negative observations. Let truth be known, I'm more sensitive and less understanding than you think I am. Or you could say that I'm just a damaged person. Damaged by people's insensitivity to my needs. It's all so disappointing.
My report is about social groups in our soc anthro class. According to what I've read, a group can be classified as Primary or Secondary. A primary group's end is to strenghthen the tie that binds them, therefore, improvement of relationship. A secondary group builds a relationship because they want to achive a certain goal, therefore, strenghtening the tie is just a mean to an end. Why am I telling these things here? simple. from what I observed, the people whom I thought I have primary relationships with showed signs that my relationship with them is just a secondary one.
I understand that the people I expected and trusted to be there for me were doing the 'more important' things in their lives. They need to do those things. Ok, let me pretend I perfectly understand it. It's not you guys, I'm just so lost right now... I wish you have an idea about it. If you do, you'll perfectly understand too why I'm behaving like this...
People said I lost some pounds... I actually did. From 160 lbs last january, I now weigh less than 150. The secret? Everytime I wake up, it's already the thought of kermit occupying my head. Appetite lost. I'll eat a little in the morning then go on with my day. In the afternoon, my stomach already hurts but I won't feel it. Why? Because my heart hurts more. When I get home at night, I'll play badminton with my brother because it keeps my mind away from reliving the bitter sweet memories. My body's so weak but I feel weaker inside. I can't turn to food and rest for salvation... what I need is something money can't buy... and she's so far away.
I hope the drama ends here. I'm tired... so tired.
If only things were the same as before, I know Kermit will be there. The only one who will be there. That's the exact reason I love Kermit so much, she finds ways to be there for me. You can say that I'm being irrational because what was missed, after all, was just a party. You may not know this, but when I need to go to a particular place, she would always offer herself as company. Throughout my life, no other person did something like that for me. Nobody could claim that they missed the more important things to be there for me. Nobody but Kermit. So even if my heart is still suffering from an excruciating pain her reckless abandon have caused, I won't let people ostracize her for being a heartbreaker that she is. She deserve some credits.
This is not an attempt to bring back what was lost. I'm not hoping to gain back the relationship I had with Kermit. Honestly, I don't want her back. What's done is done, just move on and don't regret it. I don't miss the person, only her actions. Remember that line from Matchbox 20's "Last Beautiful Girl"? The one that you wrecked won't take you back...
Another thing, why is it so easy to say "no" to me? Kermit said "no" to me, people I invited said "no" to me. As I recall happenings in the past, I noticed that there are more rejections of my propositions than acceptance. Is it an "oh, it's just racquel" thing? I got the message - I'm not that important. Yes, I'm venting out. I'm tired of keeping to myself my negative observations. Let truth be known, I'm more sensitive and less understanding than you think I am. Or you could say that I'm just a damaged person. Damaged by people's insensitivity to my needs. It's all so disappointing.
My report is about social groups in our soc anthro class. According to what I've read, a group can be classified as Primary or Secondary. A primary group's end is to strenghthen the tie that binds them, therefore, improvement of relationship. A secondary group builds a relationship because they want to achive a certain goal, therefore, strenghtening the tie is just a mean to an end. Why am I telling these things here? simple. from what I observed, the people whom I thought I have primary relationships with showed signs that my relationship with them is just a secondary one.
I understand that the people I expected and trusted to be there for me were doing the 'more important' things in their lives. They need to do those things. Ok, let me pretend I perfectly understand it. It's not you guys, I'm just so lost right now... I wish you have an idea about it. If you do, you'll perfectly understand too why I'm behaving like this...
People said I lost some pounds... I actually did. From 160 lbs last january, I now weigh less than 150. The secret? Everytime I wake up, it's already the thought of kermit occupying my head. Appetite lost. I'll eat a little in the morning then go on with my day. In the afternoon, my stomach already hurts but I won't feel it. Why? Because my heart hurts more. When I get home at night, I'll play badminton with my brother because it keeps my mind away from reliving the bitter sweet memories. My body's so weak but I feel weaker inside. I can't turn to food and rest for salvation... what I need is something money can't buy... and she's so far away.
I hope the drama ends here. I'm tired... so tired.
Surprise! Surprise!
Papasok ako kanina sa aking iskul nang mamataan ko ang isang pamilyar na mukha. Nakadama ako ng panandaliang paghinto ng pintig ng puso at pagbalik nito, mas mabilis na kaysa sa normal. Nakita ko si Kris, ang bespren ni *toot*... napangiti na lang ako. Dati kasi, nung mga panahong maraming tanong sa isip ko tungkol sa biglaang pagkawala (o pag-alis) ni tae, gustong gusto kong makita si Kris. May mga pagkakataon pa ngang tumatambay ako sa Freedom park para lang hintayin ang kanyang pagdaan. Gumawa pa ko ng sulat para kay tae dahil alam kong halos araw-araw silang kung magkita. Pero kanina...
Dumaan lang ako sa harapan nya. Hindi ko alam kung nakita nya ko... kasama ko kasi ang kaklase ko sa P.E nun kaya hindi ko na rin nagawa pa siyang lapitan. Midterm exam kasi namin sa P.E.
Dumaan muna ako sa opisina ni Doms para ibalita ang nangyari. Sabi ko sa kanya, gusto kong lapitan si Kris, pero may posibilidad kasi na hindi nya rin ako kausapin (baka tulad din sya ni tae). Wala naman syang masyadong reaksyon, sabi nya lang, "bakit hindi mo lapitan?" sagot ko, "hindi na rin yata kasi ako interesado malaman pa ung mga bagay na gusto kong malaman noon eh.." dumating si Jen at iniwan ko na sila.
Pumunta kaming ARH bldg dahil doon daw kami mag-eexam. 4th floor un kaya nag elevator na kami. Pagpasok ko, nandun si Kris. Nginitian nya ko, nginitian ko din naman sya, pero yun lang. Hindi nya gusto magsalita, ayoko rin namang magsimula. Alam ko marami syang alam. She knows the answers to all of my questions. Sadly, I'm not interested in knowing the answers anymore.
I'm happy. I thought seeing Kris will be like facing the King of Pain again. I was wrong. I actually felt as if I'm the one who should be asked a lot of questions. "Ok k n b?" "Kumusta ka na?" Hehe. Ma-feeling lang?
Ang gaan ng loob ko. Ang gaan-gaan ng feeling. Uy, itutuloy nyang ikanta yan... hehe.
Dumaan lang ako sa harapan nya. Hindi ko alam kung nakita nya ko... kasama ko kasi ang kaklase ko sa P.E nun kaya hindi ko na rin nagawa pa siyang lapitan. Midterm exam kasi namin sa P.E.
Dumaan muna ako sa opisina ni Doms para ibalita ang nangyari. Sabi ko sa kanya, gusto kong lapitan si Kris, pero may posibilidad kasi na hindi nya rin ako kausapin (baka tulad din sya ni tae). Wala naman syang masyadong reaksyon, sabi nya lang, "bakit hindi mo lapitan?" sagot ko, "hindi na rin yata kasi ako interesado malaman pa ung mga bagay na gusto kong malaman noon eh.." dumating si Jen at iniwan ko na sila.
Pumunta kaming ARH bldg dahil doon daw kami mag-eexam. 4th floor un kaya nag elevator na kami. Pagpasok ko, nandun si Kris. Nginitian nya ko, nginitian ko din naman sya, pero yun lang. Hindi nya gusto magsalita, ayoko rin namang magsimula. Alam ko marami syang alam. She knows the answers to all of my questions. Sadly, I'm not interested in knowing the answers anymore.
I'm happy. I thought seeing Kris will be like facing the King of Pain again. I was wrong. I actually felt as if I'm the one who should be asked a lot of questions. "Ok k n b?" "Kumusta ka na?" Hehe. Ma-feeling lang?
Ang gaan ng loob ko. Ang gaan-gaan ng feeling. Uy, itutuloy nyang ikanta yan... hehe.
I Wanna Be Bad...
Lately, I have running out of realizations. Finally, I got tired of thinking. But instead of feeling relaxed, I've become more restless. I have no more interest in making sense of the happenings that go on in my life. Tired of figuring out the meanings, God's purpose and possible reasons why things happen. For one moment, I decided that I shouldn't always be understanding... that more often than not, I am the victim of other people's irrationality, so why not choose to become the predator this time? Yes, I'm tired of being nice and kind because I noticed that being such is only allowing myself to be the target of other people's cruelty. Why should I even be one? I'm not after that promised heaven anyway because never did I imagine myself flying around with fluffy wings, dressed in some pristine white clothing. I don't even know if I will ever be ready to face God... I think nice people are nice because they are after these rewards. Being God-fearing is typical characteristic of nice people. If you know someone who isn't God-fearing but is nice and kind, tell me coz I'm interested in meeting my own kind. hehe.
So, I want to be mean... where do I start? Oh, backstabbing. The favorite hobby of the people around me. But wait, I think I'm already exercising that, and I'm actually good at it! I can actually point out every weaknesses of all people I know. I'm that good! I have one question though, what if I do have something good to say about each and everyone too? That would make me an appreciative backstabber, right? I know there are people out there who are aware of the backstabbing I do behind their backs, I dare them to step forward and ask for confirmation. I'll tell them the truth. I backstab not because I want to make an ugly portrayal of their being in front of others, I backstab because I know these people can't accept the truth and it would hurt them too badly that they'll start defending themselves, denying and doing counter-attacks. Chaos is an outcome which I'm not interested to witness or be a part of. What I am doing is only discussing to other people one's attitude (not the person per se) and try to find out if they have the same observation about the person. Therefore, even if you call that backstabbing, I won't feel guilt because my moral fiber tells me with conviction that it is not. Backstabbing is calling someone a bitch just because you don't have the same hot body and is therefore not receiving the same amount of attention that bitch receives! Backstabbing is ridiculing your classmate behind her back by spilling that she has B.O but you never really tried to mention it to her because all your answers in all exams were taken from the test paper of that smelly but brainy classmate of yours! Backstabbing only happens when you make someone believe that he/she is your friend when in reality, the friendship you claim to exist is only lip-service. The element of betrayal of trust should exist first before you can qualify it as backstabbing. For the sake of the self-righteous and dogmatic readers of this entry (who are probably backstabbers in some ways or in some days), you don't have to agree with me. Call me a backstabber anytime you like. Anytime.. you can do it upfront or... behind my back... :)
I wanna be bad. I wanna be harsh and mean. I wanna be hated by many. Be a modern day Hitler. Bully the bullies. Belittle those who pretend to be smart. Make the heartbreakers cry some tears too. Embarass those who don't know how to show respect. Spit on the dirt-free faces of the posers and hypocrites. backstab the backstabbers. hate evil.
Gee, what an evil plan. bwahahaha!
So, I want to be mean... where do I start? Oh, backstabbing. The favorite hobby of the people around me. But wait, I think I'm already exercising that, and I'm actually good at it! I can actually point out every weaknesses of all people I know. I'm that good! I have one question though, what if I do have something good to say about each and everyone too? That would make me an appreciative backstabber, right? I know there are people out there who are aware of the backstabbing I do behind their backs, I dare them to step forward and ask for confirmation. I'll tell them the truth. I backstab not because I want to make an ugly portrayal of their being in front of others, I backstab because I know these people can't accept the truth and it would hurt them too badly that they'll start defending themselves, denying and doing counter-attacks. Chaos is an outcome which I'm not interested to witness or be a part of. What I am doing is only discussing to other people one's attitude (not the person per se) and try to find out if they have the same observation about the person. Therefore, even if you call that backstabbing, I won't feel guilt because my moral fiber tells me with conviction that it is not. Backstabbing is calling someone a bitch just because you don't have the same hot body and is therefore not receiving the same amount of attention that bitch receives! Backstabbing is ridiculing your classmate behind her back by spilling that she has B.O but you never really tried to mention it to her because all your answers in all exams were taken from the test paper of that smelly but brainy classmate of yours! Backstabbing only happens when you make someone believe that he/she is your friend when in reality, the friendship you claim to exist is only lip-service. The element of betrayal of trust should exist first before you can qualify it as backstabbing. For the sake of the self-righteous and dogmatic readers of this entry (who are probably backstabbers in some ways or in some days), you don't have to agree with me. Call me a backstabber anytime you like. Anytime.. you can do it upfront or... behind my back... :)
I wanna be bad. I wanna be harsh and mean. I wanna be hated by many. Be a modern day Hitler. Bully the bullies. Belittle those who pretend to be smart. Make the heartbreakers cry some tears too. Embarass those who don't know how to show respect. Spit on the dirt-free faces of the posers and hypocrites. backstab the backstabbers. hate evil.
Gee, what an evil plan. bwahahaha!
My Love
It's ok.. if you have decided long ago, even before you met me, that your heart will belong to somebody else, or will be shared only to a fortunate few, which doesn't include me. It's ok if you could only let me watch them come and go, as long as they make you really happy. It's ok if you'll hold my hand only to let go of it once they're already around, because I completely understand the fact that it's worse losing them than losing me. It's ok if you think that I will leave you because I want you just for myself... but you should not fool yourself into believing that I'd be that shallow. I will be here for you, no matter what... just don't close the door if your room's already full and reserve a little space for a love that can be so great. My Love.
I could not really ask for more. You helped me get through the heartbreak that almost killed me, figuratively speaking. With your presence, I was out of the dumps, I found my worth that I almost believe I never had. You saved me... and made me realize that I could not be the savior all the time. I thought it's wrong to be weak, but it's really ok to be like that if it's you who is destined to show up and teach me the right way to be strong. And strength cannot be measured by how long you could hold back the tears or how soon you could forget the person who hurt you... strength is being ready for tomorrow without regretting whatever happened in the past. I consider my past a struggle to be here, the now. And right now, I feel so blessed because you made the present worth all the wait and pain. You, My Love.
I could not really ask for more. You helped me get through the heartbreak that almost killed me, figuratively speaking. With your presence, I was out of the dumps, I found my worth that I almost believe I never had. You saved me... and made me realize that I could not be the savior all the time. I thought it's wrong to be weak, but it's really ok to be like that if it's you who is destined to show up and teach me the right way to be strong. And strength cannot be measured by how long you could hold back the tears or how soon you could forget the person who hurt you... strength is being ready for tomorrow without regretting whatever happened in the past. I consider my past a struggle to be here, the now. And right now, I feel so blessed because you made the present worth all the wait and pain. You, My Love.
Famous Last Words...
…I’m not ready yet? Nope. I’m not trying to write another entry with passages of a song, I’ll just be using Jars of Clay’s song title to describe the words “thought so” because indeed, those were the famous last words of, uhmm, wait, I know the person I’m talking about here is not really into reading blogs, but people who knew us both might take a peek so I might as well give that person a codename. Let’s try Kermit. Hahaha! (Hmm.. bakit kaya?! Hehe!) Ayun, si Kermit nga. Those were Kermit’s famous last words. Y’know what, Kermit? You should’ve just told me all the upsetting, unspoken words in your mind because, after all, I knew they were disappointing anyway. What’s the use of keeping it all inside when I already read it in your eyes the last time we spent time together? Too bad, I won’t have the chance to thank you personally for all the changes you brought into my life. You were the sweetest person who walked into my life… yep, past tense. I always thought you were the best that I even thought of welcoming you again if ever you decide to come back. But I guess our friendship never really mattered to you because you left just like that. I understand you, we only met last June and our friendship wasn’t fully developed. 6 months may not be enough for you to consider exchanging of formal, heartfelt goodbyes if ever you needed a moment of solitude; to organize your life on your own or without me in it. It never really occurred to me that it was just 6 months that we’ve known each other because it felt as if we’ve known each other for years! Ok, my fault. A wonderful thought like that, even how wonderful it is, is a step outside the boundaries of reality. Truth is, it was just 6 months for you, already 6 months for me.
I’m not waiting for you anymore. Waiting is a form a suicide, if I may quote a line from ate vanna’s poem. When you left, I thought my world has ended. But I realized that only in the dictionary that the words end and beginning are antonyms, because if we are to use them in life situations, they can be synonymous terms. When you ended something between us, something actually began. You departure was an indispensable element to the start of that something. I just hope that something good already began in your life.
I’m not waiting for you anymore. Waiting is a form a suicide, if I may quote a line from ate vanna’s poem. When you left, I thought my world has ended. But I realized that only in the dictionary that the words end and beginning are antonyms, because if we are to use them in life situations, they can be synonymous terms. When you ended something between us, something actually began. You departure was an indispensable element to the start of that something. I just hope that something good already began in your life.
One Last Wonderful Day
Friday night, I was at the LRT Recto station waiting for the next train to Santolan when I saw a woman carrying a child on her arms. She was talking with the security guards and though I’m not really interested in what they were talking about, I had an earshot of their conversation because I’m only a few steps away from them. The lady with the child said: “Sabi kasi nila patay na, e nasa palengke pa ako nun kaya nagmadali na lang ako umuwi, tapos nung dumating ako dumilat pa sya, kaya heto dinala ko agad.” I was intrigued so I looked again at the child who I barely noticed when I arrived there. I was taken aback by the sight of the little girl on the woman’s arms. The child is really, and I mean really, thin. How thin? Put your two fingers together and you’re already having a glimpse of her arm. I’m not being pessimistic here when I say that that child would only have but a few months to live with the kind of body she has. I turned my eyes away from the unbearable display of life’s reality and preoccupied my mind with other thoughts. I don’t want to stare a long time like what other people did. By staring at the mother and child, they thought they could show that they care, but I think watching people in such pitiful condition only shows the incapability of most of us to offer a help that is really needed because we conceive sympathy as a valuable aid when in fact it is not. I always refuse to sympathize, believing that I’m only allowing one to go for a dip in a drowning pool of self-pity when I try to commiserate. Anyway, thank God it’s already the last station and I managed not to look at the subject of murmurs and stares in the train. I decided to let the others go first to avoid having the glimpse of that little girl, but when I was about to go down the stairs, I saw the little girl. She saw me too. Our eyes met. I turned my back because my eyes welled with tears. I couldn’t control the crying. I cried not because I pitied her frail body or because of the idea that one mother will lose a child anytime soon. I cried because I didn’t see any sign of unhappiness or pain in the child’s eyes. I’m not saying that she was otherwise, but I think what I saw was acceptance of fate, that she is ready to let go.
I entitled this “One Last Wonderful Day” because that’s what I prayed to God for them. I asked Him to give the child one last wonderful day here on earth before He decides to carry the child on his loving arms up in heaven.
I entitled this “One Last Wonderful Day” because that’s what I prayed to God for them. I asked Him to give the child one last wonderful day here on earth before He decides to carry the child on his loving arms up in heaven.
Huhu.. From Ate Vanna's Site... huhu talaga
Do i have to kiss everyone?
your words and actions
breeds more question everytime,
you are a comfort to mebut you rock the boat.
you soothe the old wounds
but somehow preparing me for new ones,
what are we to each other?
when i say i can't be brave enough
to tell you how i feel
would you take the leap?
If you'd only let me know
that the hand you offer is indeed for me,
i would not hesitateto cross a green light.
For now, we're sitting on the fence
wasting time
pretending to be "just friends".
your words and actions
breeds more question everytime,
you are a comfort to mebut you rock the boat.
you soothe the old wounds
but somehow preparing me for new ones,
what are we to each other?
when i say i can't be brave enough
to tell you how i feel
would you take the leap?
If you'd only let me know
that the hand you offer is indeed for me,
i would not hesitateto cross a green light.
For now, we're sitting on the fence
wasting time
pretending to be "just friends".
Somebody Frustrates Me...
Some people just don't know how to control their emotions. I wish they could. I'm not saying that one should just keep his emotions all inside him, what I'm saying is, learn how to express them in a way not burdensome to others. Be a master of your emotions and not become a slave to them. Heck, I also feel frustrations and heartaches, but never did I try to tell the whole world about it. WHy should I? So people could offer pity or sympathy? Do I really need them? Hell no.
I admit that loneliness could sometime cause me to beg for attention or love from others but I only do it so they could help me get rid of the loneliness by means of appreciating each other's imperfections. Other people want to get rid of their miseries by projecting nice, presentable masks to their target potential friends so they will look more acceptable. True, people will buy the nice, presentable masks but only for a short time. WHy? Because humans have instincts - they could see through the masks and sooner or later, they will find out that behind the mask is a worn-out face trying to please everybody. If your target potential friend is a great person, he would choose to stay to help you get through the crisis, but if not, he'll leave you on the side of the road, nodding his head and saying to himself... "I wish you could've just shown the real you..."
I admit that loneliness could sometime cause me to beg for attention or love from others but I only do it so they could help me get rid of the loneliness by means of appreciating each other's imperfections. Other people want to get rid of their miseries by projecting nice, presentable masks to their target potential friends so they will look more acceptable. True, people will buy the nice, presentable masks but only for a short time. WHy? Because humans have instincts - they could see through the masks and sooner or later, they will find out that behind the mask is a worn-out face trying to please everybody. If your target potential friend is a great person, he would choose to stay to help you get through the crisis, but if not, he'll leave you on the side of the road, nodding his head and saying to himself... "I wish you could've just shown the real you..."
They Deserve This...
This is sad. I think I still can't make up my mind about some things even if I am suffering... even if other people around me are also suffering. As usual, I'm trying to be vague as much as possible, just to conceal things that nobody really need to know.
You say you can see through me. you claimed you care. but like the other people who came, you are bound to leave. so don't blame me if I do things that could hurt you. I'd rather hurt you to make you leave earlier than you intend to stay because it will lessen the misery you are about to leave behind.
There you are, waving your hand at me. A signal I can't understand. I guess all your likes pose that kind of signals because you are uncertain yet you can't resist the thought of a new lover promising a new way of showing affection. Reality check... maybe you are just bored. I hate people who use other people as a form of scapegoat from boredom.
And you... yeah, you young debonaire. I hate your guts. I hate players. I hate you. But... too bad, you'll never get to know it. I'm usually not good in acting, but if it's your show, I'll give you one hell of a performer. You're my idol, I learned so much from you. Thanks for teaching me how to play the role of a perfect deceiver. You are fake. I will be fake. Why try truth? People around us seem to buy more of the lies rather than truth. We are young, right? WE don't need truth. Maybe not this time.
You, my reader, think twice before you act. I'm damaged, that's why I'm saying these things. This is my way of killing anger. Please don't try my style. I have not been successful in this.
You say you can see through me. you claimed you care. but like the other people who came, you are bound to leave. so don't blame me if I do things that could hurt you. I'd rather hurt you to make you leave earlier than you intend to stay because it will lessen the misery you are about to leave behind.
There you are, waving your hand at me. A signal I can't understand. I guess all your likes pose that kind of signals because you are uncertain yet you can't resist the thought of a new lover promising a new way of showing affection. Reality check... maybe you are just bored. I hate people who use other people as a form of scapegoat from boredom.
And you... yeah, you young debonaire. I hate your guts. I hate players. I hate you. But... too bad, you'll never get to know it. I'm usually not good in acting, but if it's your show, I'll give you one hell of a performer. You're my idol, I learned so much from you. Thanks for teaching me how to play the role of a perfect deceiver. You are fake. I will be fake. Why try truth? People around us seem to buy more of the lies rather than truth. We are young, right? WE don't need truth. Maybe not this time.
You, my reader, think twice before you act. I'm damaged, that's why I'm saying these things. This is my way of killing anger. Please don't try my style. I have not been successful in this.
I'm living a crazy life right now. You know what crazy means? It's when you choose to do the less important things rather than attend to the more important ones... just because the latter seems to be more enjoyable, when the truth is, the former are just too challenging and tiresome.
Last Wednesday night, I chose to go with Dave to visit his friend in a casino. I have classes every thursday so I knew about the probability that I would miss my 9AM argumentation class again if I dared to come home late. I'm really worried about my standing in that class because of my obnoxious habit of being late. I already missed two quizzes but you know what? I chose to stay at the casino until past 4 o'clock of thursday morning. Dave and I stayed at McDonald's P. Campa until 6AM.. I got home at 7:20. My legs are aching but I hurriedly went to the bathroom so I can attend Ma'am Mercado's class. As I was about to grab my bag, I glanced at my watch and quietly thanked God for giving me 1 hour for travel time.
While at the LRT, I kept on glancing at my watch as if the time's going to cheat me by trying to move too fast. I searched for my celphone to check for messages - 1 message received. It was princess saying that Ma'am Anna won't be able to attend to our class.
Bullshit.
So, I when I reached Recto, I went straight to a computer cafe to look for more files related to our research study. When I was about to log-out, I received a message from Andrew saying that Sir Fojas won't be able to attend our next class and, yeah, he assigned some paper work...
Crap.
I don't know if I should be thankful. I skipped sleeping just to attend their classes. But it seems that they skipped classes to give me time to rest, although it wasn't really the case.
Last Friday, Dave and I were supposed to have an overnight at our house to finish our thesis that we must pass today before 12noon. But because Dan communicated his intention of having a post birthday celebration at Leo's place, I immediately texted Dave to let him know that the overnight was off and the I must attend the inuman instead. If Mrs. Reyes will find out about this, she'll say "You're not thinking" Yes, Ma'am. It's just now that I realized that I've been thinking too much about the future that I don't get to enjoy the present. I realized that the present is actually the future I've thought too much about in the past but until now, I still don't feel as if my plans are getting done because I got no satisfaction from refraining from doing things I should've done. I'm not really sure what I'm talking about here... (this is exactly what I said to myself last night while doing our research)
Anyway, back to inuman with Dan and High School friends, I was saddened by the number of people who showed up. There were just 4 guys: dan, kim, tj and leo. Girls? Asa pa. It's a good thing Danielle agreed to come with me. I think they enjoyed having Danielle there. Nakzs. I'm sure Danielle is not the type who visit blogsites so I guess she won't be able read this entry but still, I want to thank her here for being a good company that night... and the following morning at Mcdonalds PRC. Wow, 7AM-10:30 AM kami nagkwentuhan!
When I was younger and less mature, I never imagined myself being with the I-don't-care type of people. I look down on them as if they are garbage in the society. People with no clear-cut goals in life infuriated me. But, unfortunately, it turns out that I'm destined to be one. Hehe! So... yeah, I'm living a crazy life and I don't think I have the time to explain. =D
Last Wednesday night, I chose to go with Dave to visit his friend in a casino. I have classes every thursday so I knew about the probability that I would miss my 9AM argumentation class again if I dared to come home late. I'm really worried about my standing in that class because of my obnoxious habit of being late. I already missed two quizzes but you know what? I chose to stay at the casino until past 4 o'clock of thursday morning. Dave and I stayed at McDonald's P. Campa until 6AM.. I got home at 7:20. My legs are aching but I hurriedly went to the bathroom so I can attend Ma'am Mercado's class. As I was about to grab my bag, I glanced at my watch and quietly thanked God for giving me 1 hour for travel time.
While at the LRT, I kept on glancing at my watch as if the time's going to cheat me by trying to move too fast. I searched for my celphone to check for messages - 1 message received. It was princess saying that Ma'am Anna won't be able to attend to our class.
Bullshit.
So, I when I reached Recto, I went straight to a computer cafe to look for more files related to our research study. When I was about to log-out, I received a message from Andrew saying that Sir Fojas won't be able to attend our next class and, yeah, he assigned some paper work...
Crap.
I don't know if I should be thankful. I skipped sleeping just to attend their classes. But it seems that they skipped classes to give me time to rest, although it wasn't really the case.
Last Friday, Dave and I were supposed to have an overnight at our house to finish our thesis that we must pass today before 12noon. But because Dan communicated his intention of having a post birthday celebration at Leo's place, I immediately texted Dave to let him know that the overnight was off and the I must attend the inuman instead. If Mrs. Reyes will find out about this, she'll say "You're not thinking" Yes, Ma'am. It's just now that I realized that I've been thinking too much about the future that I don't get to enjoy the present. I realized that the present is actually the future I've thought too much about in the past but until now, I still don't feel as if my plans are getting done because I got no satisfaction from refraining from doing things I should've done. I'm not really sure what I'm talking about here... (this is exactly what I said to myself last night while doing our research)
Anyway, back to inuman with Dan and High School friends, I was saddened by the number of people who showed up. There were just 4 guys: dan, kim, tj and leo. Girls? Asa pa. It's a good thing Danielle agreed to come with me. I think they enjoyed having Danielle there. Nakzs. I'm sure Danielle is not the type who visit blogsites so I guess she won't be able read this entry but still, I want to thank her here for being a good company that night... and the following morning at Mcdonalds PRC. Wow, 7AM-10:30 AM kami nagkwentuhan!
When I was younger and less mature, I never imagined myself being with the I-don't-care type of people. I look down on them as if they are garbage in the society. People with no clear-cut goals in life infuriated me. But, unfortunately, it turns out that I'm destined to be one. Hehe! So... yeah, I'm living a crazy life and I don't think I have the time to explain. =D
the debate...
[ the debate ]
danilo and I, as a team, were one of the first two teams who laid down arguments for and against the motion "Immigration laws are harmful to migrants". We have assumed that we can win the debate easily because somehow, we've gone through necessary preparations. We don't know how the other team worked their matter, but we know we have a big advantage when it comes to teamwork. It doesnt mean that I'm belittling their abilities to argue, I just would like to point out that josh's partner is an irregular student. It means there's a possibility of conflict in their schedules. We were right in this assumption.
I'm not interested to spill details of the debate that took place, but I'm happy to tell that we won. But it's not the kind of victory that is to be proud of. I mean, where's the glory in winning when you know you haven't been able to exhaust all your potentials? By the way, I only got an 80. I don't know if I should be contented about it or not. why? well, danilo got 84. Our opponents got depressing scores of below 40.. but 80 is still 80, it only looked aceptable when it is compared to much lower scores. I'm not blaming other people for my grade. Hell, I don't think I have the right to blame anyone for it. My point is that I could've done much better. You know, I'm regretting not being able to show them that I have what it takes! It seems that my stage fright is here to stay! One of the comments made by my professor is that I just read my arguments and everything all throughout my speech... ma'am, you don't have any idea... I wasn't reading my notes, I was just pretending to be reading something so I could just look at my index cards and avoid focusing on the audience.. I don't need to read, I made my own arguments, I know them by heart. Second, she said that I failed to further discuss my analysis of the cases I presented. I became lenient on this particular debate. Why? I just don't have the heart to make our opponent feel worse... trust me, I felt that they were praying for me not to further prove my points.
Aarrghh! stage fright go away! you've taken too much already! I wonder what's really my problem... confidence? inferiority complex? fear of evaluation? oh anyway, I think I just need to be thankful for what happened because no matter how much I whine, it can't take back what's already lost. right?
danilo and I, as a team, were one of the first two teams who laid down arguments for and against the motion "Immigration laws are harmful to migrants". We have assumed that we can win the debate easily because somehow, we've gone through necessary preparations. We don't know how the other team worked their matter, but we know we have a big advantage when it comes to teamwork. It doesnt mean that I'm belittling their abilities to argue, I just would like to point out that josh's partner is an irregular student. It means there's a possibility of conflict in their schedules. We were right in this assumption.
I'm not interested to spill details of the debate that took place, but I'm happy to tell that we won. But it's not the kind of victory that is to be proud of. I mean, where's the glory in winning when you know you haven't been able to exhaust all your potentials? By the way, I only got an 80. I don't know if I should be contented about it or not. why? well, danilo got 84. Our opponents got depressing scores of below 40.. but 80 is still 80, it only looked aceptable when it is compared to much lower scores. I'm not blaming other people for my grade. Hell, I don't think I have the right to blame anyone for it. My point is that I could've done much better. You know, I'm regretting not being able to show them that I have what it takes! It seems that my stage fright is here to stay! One of the comments made by my professor is that I just read my arguments and everything all throughout my speech... ma'am, you don't have any idea... I wasn't reading my notes, I was just pretending to be reading something so I could just look at my index cards and avoid focusing on the audience.. I don't need to read, I made my own arguments, I know them by heart. Second, she said that I failed to further discuss my analysis of the cases I presented. I became lenient on this particular debate. Why? I just don't have the heart to make our opponent feel worse... trust me, I felt that they were praying for me not to further prove my points.
Aarrghh! stage fright go away! you've taken too much already! I wonder what's really my problem... confidence? inferiority complex? fear of evaluation? oh anyway, I think I just need to be thankful for what happened because no matter how much I whine, it can't take back what's already lost. right?
A Flower In Bloom
I made this reflection paper for my Peace Education class.. crazy stories will have to wait, serious matters first! LOLZ!
A single still image can convey a thousand moving meanings. That's exactly what I realized the moment I've been able to view the 60 photo entries competing for the prestigious Angel C. Palanca photo contest with the theme "FEU: Sustaining a Culture of Peace" My impression is that each and everyone of us has an idea of what peace is. I don't know much about photography but there's one entry there that really caught my attention, the picture of a flower with the blurred administration building's facade as its backdrop.
Since I was born, I've been told about how dangerous the world is. When I was a child, my parents would tell me not to talk to strangers or accept things offered by people I don't know. I've been told not to go to some places. I've been told not to do things because they are bad for me. Unfortunately for my parents, their only daughter seems destined to grow stubborn and disobedient. I've dealt with the wrong people and got hurt, physically and emotionally. I've been to places I never should have gone to and got lost, literally and figuratively speaking. I did things that got me into seriously messed up situations, to the point that what has been at stake is my own life. I felt like I'm a soldier going through battles with the complexities of this world. I'm at war… at first, without actually knowing the whole point of what I was doing or what the fight is for. Should I just regret all my previous actions and blame myself if I find my journey pointless and unproductive? Or should I go on, because maybe, I'll come across enlightenment in the end.
Then a bitter-sweet realization struck me – whatever I did, wherever I've gone to and whoever I met, however lousy the people and the situations were, they helped me in my search for the real meaning of peace. We can only appreciate silence only if we've known noise. We can only recognize beauty if we've seen in our own eyes ugliness. We can only be able to understand, bare and heal the inequalities and injustices in the world if we'll see them in the standpoint of a person who has actually experienced them all. Maybe I've met the wrong people, but isolating myself from them wouldn't pave way for my growth. Maybe I've been to all the wrong places, but because of that, I discovered the things most people are afraid to find there, and trust me, they aren't that bad (and believe me, the most interesting people are in the wrong places) Maybe I did the wrong things, but surely enough, they taught me life's greatest lessons. World peace can only be possible if individuals who advocate it are at peace with their inner selves and sadly, it isn't inherent but can only be developed.
So, what does a flower got to do with it? Simple. Our world is in a blurry condition because chaos and confusion reign. People should be like that flower in the picture. It continued to grow and bloom into beauty despite the chaotic environment that surrounded it. The flower offers itself as an inspiration for people to see things in a different light.
A single still image can convey a thousand moving meanings. That's exactly what I realized the moment I've been able to view the 60 photo entries competing for the prestigious Angel C. Palanca photo contest with the theme "FEU: Sustaining a Culture of Peace" My impression is that each and everyone of us has an idea of what peace is. I don't know much about photography but there's one entry there that really caught my attention, the picture of a flower with the blurred administration building's facade as its backdrop.
Since I was born, I've been told about how dangerous the world is. When I was a child, my parents would tell me not to talk to strangers or accept things offered by people I don't know. I've been told not to go to some places. I've been told not to do things because they are bad for me. Unfortunately for my parents, their only daughter seems destined to grow stubborn and disobedient. I've dealt with the wrong people and got hurt, physically and emotionally. I've been to places I never should have gone to and got lost, literally and figuratively speaking. I did things that got me into seriously messed up situations, to the point that what has been at stake is my own life. I felt like I'm a soldier going through battles with the complexities of this world. I'm at war… at first, without actually knowing the whole point of what I was doing or what the fight is for. Should I just regret all my previous actions and blame myself if I find my journey pointless and unproductive? Or should I go on, because maybe, I'll come across enlightenment in the end.
Then a bitter-sweet realization struck me – whatever I did, wherever I've gone to and whoever I met, however lousy the people and the situations were, they helped me in my search for the real meaning of peace. We can only appreciate silence only if we've known noise. We can only recognize beauty if we've seen in our own eyes ugliness. We can only be able to understand, bare and heal the inequalities and injustices in the world if we'll see them in the standpoint of a person who has actually experienced them all. Maybe I've met the wrong people, but isolating myself from them wouldn't pave way for my growth. Maybe I've been to all the wrong places, but because of that, I discovered the things most people are afraid to find there, and trust me, they aren't that bad (and believe me, the most interesting people are in the wrong places) Maybe I did the wrong things, but surely enough, they taught me life's greatest lessons. World peace can only be possible if individuals who advocate it are at peace with their inner selves and sadly, it isn't inherent but can only be developed.
So, what does a flower got to do with it? Simple. Our world is in a blurry condition because chaos and confusion reign. People should be like that flower in the picture. It continued to grow and bloom into beauty despite the chaotic environment that surrounded it. The flower offers itself as an inspiration for people to see things in a different light.
The Poems that Says it All...
Ate vanna seem to experience being in situations like mine... hmm.. hehe! Anyway, she wrote this poem that I can really relate to. Haay.. my blog is somehow already hidden because I already changed the subdomain but y'know, I'm still playing it safe... still not dropping names and telling stories indirectly. Call me chicken.. hehe!
Patorpehan Contest
it is easier to walk away
keeping secret
the way we feel...
charging everything to youth,
fooling ourselves
hoping we'll outgrow loving each other.
we try and try to part ways
but we always end up
meeting face to face,
somehow
its a shame
why we couldn't muster
the courage
to say the words
we both already know.
Patorpehan Contest
it is easier to walk away
keeping secret
the way we feel...
charging everything to youth,
fooling ourselves
hoping we'll outgrow loving each other.
we try and try to part ways
but we always end up
meeting face to face,
somehow
its a shame
why we couldn't muster
the courage
to say the words
we both already know.
The Top Ten Must Go ON!
The Top Ten Must Go On
No. 8 – Christian Dave Dalisay
I put Dave on the number 8 spot not because there's something great to admire in him. He's not extraordinary, not the intellectual type and not even good-looking. But every time I'm with him, I'm just me – no any kind of pretense at all. This does not imply that I'm fake if I'm with everybody else, it's just that I don't feel the fear of being evaluated when I'm with Dave because in his eyes, I'm just his friend. He was never disappointed in me whenever I failed to keep up to that intellectual standard everybody else had already established for me. He doesn't require me to always do and say the right things and even appreciates me more when I display actions that the whole world disapproves of. Dave knows my secrets and I'm confident and rest-assured that he has no interest in spilling the beans. I'm comfortable of letting him know my thoughts, even the most ridiculous ones. Right now, he's my best guy buddy! I really appreciate him being around and without him, college life wouldn't be as enjoyable (and liberating? Hehe) as it is right now. Thanks Dave! I lalves you! Hahaha!
No. 8 – Christian Dave Dalisay
I put Dave on the number 8 spot not because there's something great to admire in him. He's not extraordinary, not the intellectual type and not even good-looking. But every time I'm with him, I'm just me – no any kind of pretense at all. This does not imply that I'm fake if I'm with everybody else, it's just that I don't feel the fear of being evaluated when I'm with Dave because in his eyes, I'm just his friend. He was never disappointed in me whenever I failed to keep up to that intellectual standard everybody else had already established for me. He doesn't require me to always do and say the right things and even appreciates me more when I display actions that the whole world disapproves of. Dave knows my secrets and I'm confident and rest-assured that he has no interest in spilling the beans. I'm comfortable of letting him know my thoughts, even the most ridiculous ones. Right now, he's my best guy buddy! I really appreciate him being around and without him, college life wouldn't be as enjoyable (and liberating? Hehe) as it is right now. Thanks Dave! I lalves you! Hahaha!
Sentences End With A Period
Never did I see myself as someone who's perfect. Like any other human, I got my own flaws. I believe even Mother Teresa had her own flaws. We all made mistakes. What makes one greater than the other is the manner of how he managed to transform his weaknesses to become strengths. Perfection is a relative term. Some may see perfection in symmetrical order of things; some may find perfection in a disheveled set-up of things. Well, somebody told me recently that I'm too much of an air-head because she thought I see myself as a perfect person. I was hurt because I thought I didn't need to explain myself to a friend. Maybe she felt the same way when I tried to tell her that her attitude is getting in my nerves. I thought I was just being honest. She thought I was trying to pull her down by pointing out her mistakes. We're both trying to prove our points to each other while no one is really interested in listening to each other's sentiments.
I will not reveal her name here, to save her from my reader's prejudice. This will be just like an open letter to somebody so she will be referred to as "You".
We thought we knew each other that well. We thought that we've known each other long enough to understand each other's flaws. Much to my dismay, we were wrong and it's sad that we have to learn this the hard way. Life disproved the supposition we held in our hearts for too long because you have to admit, we never really loved each other.
You confused me. When I was still angry at you, I really believed in my heart that you had the intention of hurting me because I regard you as someone special. While you were saying that I'm likewise special to you, you are also telling me about some other person that you love. My mind couldn't absorb what was happening; you left me in a state of confusion. There are so many special people in your life and I couldn't accept the fact that I'm just another face in a crowd. The anger wasn't just directed towards you because I was also angry at myself, for not being good enough and for not having enough. You wanted more from me and I just grew tired of trying to prove myself to you.
Then we started to point fingers. You said I gave up on being the same understanding person I used to be. You were trying to imply that I'm selfish whenever I get jealous because jealousy is a sign of conditional love. You want me to be just happy for you every time you tell me you are falling for the other person because it's the sign of true love. But hey, am I the only one required to show care and compassion? The way I see it, you're being inconsiderate of my feelings. It seems like you don't have any real respect for me. When I try to confront you about it, you left me with messages like "I'm not as perfect as you are, don't talk to me". While I was holding back words so as not to hurt your feelings, you say things that have caused my heart to bleed but never did I hear you say sorry. That's how it ended - an exchange of ugly words that we won't have anymore chance to take back to set things right.
My fault? I became too sensitive, the kind of close kin to paranoia. I lost my trust in you. We both have faults that broke our friendship. I'm sorry. I never perceived myself as a perfect person. Actually, I only get to appreciate the person I am when people around me chose to put up with whatever attitude I have. When you made that remark, it sounded more of an insult. Forgive and forget, shall we?
I will not reveal her name here, to save her from my reader's prejudice. This will be just like an open letter to somebody so she will be referred to as "You".
We thought we knew each other that well. We thought that we've known each other long enough to understand each other's flaws. Much to my dismay, we were wrong and it's sad that we have to learn this the hard way. Life disproved the supposition we held in our hearts for too long because you have to admit, we never really loved each other.
You confused me. When I was still angry at you, I really believed in my heart that you had the intention of hurting me because I regard you as someone special. While you were saying that I'm likewise special to you, you are also telling me about some other person that you love. My mind couldn't absorb what was happening; you left me in a state of confusion. There are so many special people in your life and I couldn't accept the fact that I'm just another face in a crowd. The anger wasn't just directed towards you because I was also angry at myself, for not being good enough and for not having enough. You wanted more from me and I just grew tired of trying to prove myself to you.
Then we started to point fingers. You said I gave up on being the same understanding person I used to be. You were trying to imply that I'm selfish whenever I get jealous because jealousy is a sign of conditional love. You want me to be just happy for you every time you tell me you are falling for the other person because it's the sign of true love. But hey, am I the only one required to show care and compassion? The way I see it, you're being inconsiderate of my feelings. It seems like you don't have any real respect for me. When I try to confront you about it, you left me with messages like "I'm not as perfect as you are, don't talk to me". While I was holding back words so as not to hurt your feelings, you say things that have caused my heart to bleed but never did I hear you say sorry. That's how it ended - an exchange of ugly words that we won't have anymore chance to take back to set things right.
My fault? I became too sensitive, the kind of close kin to paranoia. I lost my trust in you. We both have faults that broke our friendship. I'm sorry. I never perceived myself as a perfect person. Actually, I only get to appreciate the person I am when people around me chose to put up with whatever attitude I have. When you made that remark, it sounded more of an insult. Forgive and forget, shall we?
Losing My First Love
Writing for me back then was just a past-time, an optional thing that I will only do if boredom strikes at any time. I wasn't concerned about my grammar or spelling or choice of words at that time, it really didn't matter to me if they scorn the manner I presented my thoughts. For me, the important thing is to be able to express what I believe in and what I feel. Writing gives me freedom. I feel free whenever I have successfully put into writing my ideas. Writing was the outlet of my emotions - it was the reason I could breathe again when a situation or a person had upset me. When I was still in our humble house in Makati, I even remembered saying to myself that if there were things in life that I couldn't live without, two of them would be pen and paper. That's how deep my love for writing is... well, make that was.
I know I've managed to impress people with my writing skills. Friends, classmates, teachers and even those who are already considered "professionals" in the realm of writing. I was surprised. Even if I've been a school newspaper writer in elementary and high school years, I believe I got the chance to be a staffer only because of the fact that school population was small during those years. Furthermore, I wrote only in Filipino language, not in English. Making it to the Advocate is just plain good luck, I guess. Even my brother pointed out to me that I don't have a writing style so no matter how wonderful my ideas are, they won't catch attention. I believed him but I didn't care. So what if I'm not that good, I thought. As long as I have the enthusiasm to put into writing my thoughts and ideas, who cares about writing style? So whenever I hear praises regarding my poems, short stories and essays, I feel really humbled by such show of appreciation to my work because I really think they weren't that great. I felt overrated. Anyhow, I still continued doing what I love and somehow, I've managed to score awards and acknowledgements for it. I feel blessed.
Good writer - a title I have earned that I didn't want to slip out of my hands. As my reputation of being a good writer ballooned, the expectations of the people around me also got bigger. I fooled myself into believing that it was easy to keep up with the expectations. The reputation gave me confidence, too much of it actually that I've become arrogant. It manifested not through my actions though, but through my writings. The need to impress people with my writing skills developed in my character. I've used words that I knew only people with high levels of intellect would understand. I tried to make the wordings complicated, tried to perfect the grammar and tried to put style in my writing. I even resorted to copying other people's ideas and rephrasing them so as to make them appear as if they were my own. During those times, I considered my ideas mediocre compared to the articles I’ve read. I got frustrated, I felt unreasonably insecure. In my quest of improving the old writer in me, I made the mistake of almost getting rid of him. There were no improvements, only unneeded alterations. The output didn't win the approval of the people. My what was then a unique way of writing had become too ordinary, forgettable. It didn't manage to stand-out.
Since then, I avoided writing. I felt like my favorite hobby had been dressed up with over-alls and now it looks like work to me. Writing used to be just a stress-reliever, my scapegoat to the haunting claws of boredom. Now, writing is part of the stress and has become more haunting than boredom. The humble, enthusiastic writer who didn't care about grammar, style and impressing people was lost in oblivion. What was left is a person struggling to win back the respect she owed to herself.
It is true that a good writer is someone who is good in grammar, has a writing style and a wide range of vocabulary and knows how to win the hearts of his readers. But for me, a good writer is someone who doesn't prioritize such requirements because it is like drawing up boundaries to one's self. I've mentioned before that writing gives me freedom. I totally lost that freedom when I chose to keep up with the expectations they set up on me. I lost it the moment I felt the need to impress people. I realized that a writer is good when he has good attitudes and uses them to improve the world through his writings. A good writer never considers his ideas mediocre nor great, he lets the reader be the judge of that. He wouldn't change views just to please his audience. He would, however, be gentle and considerate while being fierce and aggressive at the same time. There's no clear-cut definition of a good writer. A writer defines for himself and by himself the real meaning of it.
I need to go back to my old self again where being able to express my thoughts and ideas my way alone gives me unparalleled contentment. I want to be able to enjoy writing again. My feet are now on the ground, and hopefully this time, I'll be a good writer by following only the set of rules laid down by my heart.
I know I've managed to impress people with my writing skills. Friends, classmates, teachers and even those who are already considered "professionals" in the realm of writing. I was surprised. Even if I've been a school newspaper writer in elementary and high school years, I believe I got the chance to be a staffer only because of the fact that school population was small during those years. Furthermore, I wrote only in Filipino language, not in English. Making it to the Advocate is just plain good luck, I guess. Even my brother pointed out to me that I don't have a writing style so no matter how wonderful my ideas are, they won't catch attention. I believed him but I didn't care. So what if I'm not that good, I thought. As long as I have the enthusiasm to put into writing my thoughts and ideas, who cares about writing style? So whenever I hear praises regarding my poems, short stories and essays, I feel really humbled by such show of appreciation to my work because I really think they weren't that great. I felt overrated. Anyhow, I still continued doing what I love and somehow, I've managed to score awards and acknowledgements for it. I feel blessed.
Good writer - a title I have earned that I didn't want to slip out of my hands. As my reputation of being a good writer ballooned, the expectations of the people around me also got bigger. I fooled myself into believing that it was easy to keep up with the expectations. The reputation gave me confidence, too much of it actually that I've become arrogant. It manifested not through my actions though, but through my writings. The need to impress people with my writing skills developed in my character. I've used words that I knew only people with high levels of intellect would understand. I tried to make the wordings complicated, tried to perfect the grammar and tried to put style in my writing. I even resorted to copying other people's ideas and rephrasing them so as to make them appear as if they were my own. During those times, I considered my ideas mediocre compared to the articles I’ve read. I got frustrated, I felt unreasonably insecure. In my quest of improving the old writer in me, I made the mistake of almost getting rid of him. There were no improvements, only unneeded alterations. The output didn't win the approval of the people. My what was then a unique way of writing had become too ordinary, forgettable. It didn't manage to stand-out.
Since then, I avoided writing. I felt like my favorite hobby had been dressed up with over-alls and now it looks like work to me. Writing used to be just a stress-reliever, my scapegoat to the haunting claws of boredom. Now, writing is part of the stress and has become more haunting than boredom. The humble, enthusiastic writer who didn't care about grammar, style and impressing people was lost in oblivion. What was left is a person struggling to win back the respect she owed to herself.
It is true that a good writer is someone who is good in grammar, has a writing style and a wide range of vocabulary and knows how to win the hearts of his readers. But for me, a good writer is someone who doesn't prioritize such requirements because it is like drawing up boundaries to one's self. I've mentioned before that writing gives me freedom. I totally lost that freedom when I chose to keep up with the expectations they set up on me. I lost it the moment I felt the need to impress people. I realized that a writer is good when he has good attitudes and uses them to improve the world through his writings. A good writer never considers his ideas mediocre nor great, he lets the reader be the judge of that. He wouldn't change views just to please his audience. He would, however, be gentle and considerate while being fierce and aggressive at the same time. There's no clear-cut definition of a good writer. A writer defines for himself and by himself the real meaning of it.
I need to go back to my old self again where being able to express my thoughts and ideas my way alone gives me unparalleled contentment. I want to be able to enjoy writing again. My feet are now on the ground, and hopefully this time, I'll be a good writer by following only the set of rules laid down by my heart.
I Feel So Blessed
The previous blog post was written sometime between 3 PM and 4PM. I did not bother to look at my mobile phone during that time to check out if I received any message. I wanted to maximize the 1 hour worth of rental I bought in Webtour. When I got off my seat, I finally decided to take a quick glance at the LCD of my 3310. 1 message received. I think I didn't hear the guy at the cashier clearly when he told me how much I owe him. My focus was transfixed on the words that made up the message I received.
Congratulations, uve passed the advo exam...
That was it! It just came late! I passed the exam. The text message instructed the passers to come at their office with a resume on one hand and witty answers on the other. I have no problem with those two things they required us to bring, but I don't think I have the smart casual attire that they also asked of us to wear. Oh well, I'll just ask help from mom.
Interview day.
The interview started at 9:30 and my name was called at 10:00. I believe I was there at the advo office for only 10-15 minutes. I actually enjoyed the interview process and was even disappointed when I realized it wasn't like those nerve-wrecking job interviews I went through before because the advo exam was just full of fun. I surely learned a lot of things. I even met people with bright minds.
The interview ended at 5:00 PM already. We've all waited outside for quite a long time. However, the result is worth waiting for because they had put me in the section where I thought will be the most impossible place for my feet to land on - the News section.
Dave, Mark and I decided to watch Da Vinci Code on the very same day. We had the chance watch the controversial movie on the opening day so I went home feeling very lucky that day. Thanks Kuya Mark for the movie treat!
Congratulations, uve passed the advo exam...
That was it! It just came late! I passed the exam. The text message instructed the passers to come at their office with a resume on one hand and witty answers on the other. I have no problem with those two things they required us to bring, but I don't think I have the smart casual attire that they also asked of us to wear. Oh well, I'll just ask help from mom.
Interview day.
The interview started at 9:30 and my name was called at 10:00. I believe I was there at the advo office for only 10-15 minutes. I actually enjoyed the interview process and was even disappointed when I realized it wasn't like those nerve-wrecking job interviews I went through before because the advo exam was just full of fun. I surely learned a lot of things. I even met people with bright minds.
The interview ended at 5:00 PM already. We've all waited outside for quite a long time. However, the result is worth waiting for because they had put me in the section where I thought will be the most impossible place for my feet to land on - the News section.
Dave, Mark and I decided to watch Da Vinci Code on the very same day. We had the chance watch the controversial movie on the opening day so I went home feeling very lucky that day. Thanks Kuya Mark for the movie treat!
Summer 2006
Summer class is over. I'm excited to enrol na for next sem coz I really miss my P1 and P2 peeps. I'm also yearning for Mrs. Reyes' words to live by.. hehe.
Summer of 2006 is one memorable event even if the 4a outing didn't materialize and I didn't manage to be like evita who is now a jetsetter thanks to People Support. There had been a lot of going-ons during this summer, happy moments and otherwise. I met interesting people and not so interesting people. I succeed in things I deemed not too important and became a failure in the things I love doing. I had my heart broken again by the same person. I was there slumped, until someone picked me up on the floor and dusted the dirt off. The person who did this was the same person who saved me from my first heartache. I learned a lot of surprising things about myself and about other people. I learned that I'm good enough to achieve a grade of 98 in NATSCI but not good enough to become a writer of Advocate, our schoolpaper. I learned that some people are good enough to become writers in advocate but not good enough to pass NATSCI. I'm a bit disappointed with myself for not passing the Advo exam. I think I expect too much.. can't help it, I'm too much of an optimistic. But really, I enjoyed taking the exam. Thanks for at least allowing me to take the exam! hehe..
I submitted my design proposals for the UNESCO ID and shirt. I put a lot of artistic effort to produce kickass designs so I'm hoping they'll at least consider my design an option. hehe. I hate rejections, really.
Ooops. I think an hour already passed. I need to get off my seat now, bye!
Summer of 2006 is one memorable event even if the 4a outing didn't materialize and I didn't manage to be like evita who is now a jetsetter thanks to People Support. There had been a lot of going-ons during this summer, happy moments and otherwise. I met interesting people and not so interesting people. I succeed in things I deemed not too important and became a failure in the things I love doing. I had my heart broken again by the same person. I was there slumped, until someone picked me up on the floor and dusted the dirt off. The person who did this was the same person who saved me from my first heartache. I learned a lot of surprising things about myself and about other people. I learned that I'm good enough to achieve a grade of 98 in NATSCI but not good enough to become a writer of Advocate, our schoolpaper. I learned that some people are good enough to become writers in advocate but not good enough to pass NATSCI. I'm a bit disappointed with myself for not passing the Advo exam. I think I expect too much.. can't help it, I'm too much of an optimistic. But really, I enjoyed taking the exam. Thanks for at least allowing me to take the exam! hehe..
I submitted my design proposals for the UNESCO ID and shirt. I put a lot of artistic effort to produce kickass designs so I'm hoping they'll at least consider my design an option. hehe. I hate rejections, really.
Ooops. I think an hour already passed. I need to get off my seat now, bye!
The Continuation...
Person number 9 is KIM morfe. I hated this guy before because he's so, uhmm, let's see, let's just say he didn't act the way I expect real men to behave. I mean, he was into "parinig" and those other girlish ways of picking a fight. I hated him because I thought he was trying to be like his "cool" friend. I disliked him because I know he's such a nice guy but he let some low-life guy influence his attitude. I'm sorry for saying this Kim but the sorry only goes to you. Wait, so much for the "things to hate about Kim" portion. Let's jump to the part that he'll like to read.. hehe. I believe that a man's personality has layers. Kim's the type you'd never appreciate unless you scrape longer and harder to see what's beyond the outer layer. When you get to know him, you'll realize that he's a real prized catch. He's sweet, sensitive, smart, spiritually healthy, sports-minded and a lot more s's. I love having long conversations with him because he's such a good listener with an open mind. Although we present opposing ideas in any given topic, we don't argue about the differences. He's a good friend to all and I guess could also be one of the most wonderful lovers if only he has enough courage and well, suave style to go with it. hehe. However, sometimes, his sensitivity goes beyond the boundaries of reason. When he's angry, he's just angry, no explanation would be considered valid. He doesn't get mad too easily anyway. there... TOP 9 is Kim Morfe. person number 8 in my next post.
I Can't Get This Out of My Mind!
I love this song. The album rocked my world so I suggest you get your own copy now. I love their site too, visit Wickermoss Official Site
Buwan
Wickermoss
Sa aking pag-gising, pangarap kang makita
Pagpintig ng puso mayroong kaba
Di ko mailihim, ningning sa aking mata
Balang araw, ako'y umaasa
Ika'y makapiling
Sabay ng dalangin at
Pagbilog ng buwan
Paglipas ng araw, pangarap ko'y ganap
Ako'y iyung nasa isip, ako'y hanap-hanap
Di raw panaginip, sa isang iglap
Magkasama tayo, sa alapaap
Hawak kamay at
Sabay na humahanga sa
Ganda't liwanag ng buwan
Chorus:
Masdan mo giliw, langit sa piling mo
Mundo'y gumaganda, bawat hinga'y laan sa yo
Sa bawat ihip, at bulong ng hangin ay
Mundo'y iikot lang, sa iyo
Adlib
Repeat chorus
Dahil sa pagsubok, lahat ba'y may hanggan
Pag di inukol, walang hahantungan
Hayaan na lang isipin, hayaang maghangad
Mugto ang matang hawak ko, tangi mong larawan
Habang ako ay
Mag-isang nakatanaw
Sa pag-luha ng buwan
Buwan
Wickermoss
Sa aking pag-gising, pangarap kang makita
Pagpintig ng puso mayroong kaba
Di ko mailihim, ningning sa aking mata
Balang araw, ako'y umaasa
Ika'y makapiling
Sabay ng dalangin at
Pagbilog ng buwan
Paglipas ng araw, pangarap ko'y ganap
Ako'y iyung nasa isip, ako'y hanap-hanap
Di raw panaginip, sa isang iglap
Magkasama tayo, sa alapaap
Hawak kamay at
Sabay na humahanga sa
Ganda't liwanag ng buwan
Chorus:
Masdan mo giliw, langit sa piling mo
Mundo'y gumaganda, bawat hinga'y laan sa yo
Sa bawat ihip, at bulong ng hangin ay
Mundo'y iikot lang, sa iyo
Adlib
Repeat chorus
Dahil sa pagsubok, lahat ba'y may hanggan
Pag di inukol, walang hahantungan
Hayaan na lang isipin, hayaang maghangad
Mugto ang matang hawak ko, tangi mong larawan
Habang ako ay
Mag-isang nakatanaw
Sa pag-luha ng buwan
endings, beginnings and continuations...
{ ALL DONE! ]
haaay salamat! sa wakas! tapos na rin ang aming Final Examinations! I'm soo thankful for all those people who inspired me to make good in the exams! I surely wouldn't be as determined kung wala kayo! nyehehe! should I name names? Uhmm.. wag na lang.
I read in a lot of self-help books that we should should always try to say how much we appreciate other people because it will make them feel good. I know they're right, but it's just so hard for me bare my emotions about other people. Why? I have this paranois that if try to tell people how special they are to me, it's like making myself vulnerable to pain. Are you getting confused with what I'm saying? Haayy.. I can't even understand it myself! I just have this crazy idea that if one shows to other people how much he/she loves them, these people will have all the reason in the world to act carelessly because they know that they would be understood by that person who loved them. Got it now? Oh, well... moving on...
I already know my final grades in my Public Speaking and International Org. class... I got flat 1 in both subjects. Wow.. I should be really thankful to those people who fueled my the energy to review and think hard during the exams. God heard my prayers.. the biggest "THANKS!" goes to Him.
[ new house ]
we just moved in to our new house in Cainta, Rizal. I feel a bit bored there because the place is soo quiet, unlike in the place where I grew up... hehe. It also feels ironic, because there were only 2 of us who stay there (on eof my brother wanted to stay in Makati while my other brother hardly stays for a long time), me and my mom, and the house is big while our house in Makati is small yet inhabited by so many. But y'know what? I know I will miss our house in Makati even if it's not big and beautiful. I learned to love that house amidst the nosy, gossipy neighbors and the dirty surrounding because it's the place where I grew up. Somehow, that place help shaped my personality and attitude. I'm not maarte because of that house. I acquired humility because of that humble house. That house is my HOME. But of course, our lives need improvement. We need to look forward to the greater things in life. Change is inevitable. At least, the change that happened was not about going to a small house coming from a big house, but vice versa. Next stop is New York, so I guess I'll be saying goodbye not just to a smaller house, I'll be saying goodbye to people... people I dearly love. I believe that thing would be a much harder change to accept.. but yeah, life must go on.
[ the continuation... of the TOP TEN LIST! ]
I really can't think of the most deserving person to put in the number 9 slot... so, yeah, I'll just think harder and then put person number 9 in the next entry.. hehe..
haaay salamat! sa wakas! tapos na rin ang aming Final Examinations! I'm soo thankful for all those people who inspired me to make good in the exams! I surely wouldn't be as determined kung wala kayo! nyehehe! should I name names? Uhmm.. wag na lang.
I read in a lot of self-help books that we should should always try to say how much we appreciate other people because it will make them feel good. I know they're right, but it's just so hard for me bare my emotions about other people. Why? I have this paranois that if try to tell people how special they are to me, it's like making myself vulnerable to pain. Are you getting confused with what I'm saying? Haayy.. I can't even understand it myself! I just have this crazy idea that if one shows to other people how much he/she loves them, these people will have all the reason in the world to act carelessly because they know that they would be understood by that person who loved them. Got it now? Oh, well... moving on...
I already know my final grades in my Public Speaking and International Org. class... I got flat 1 in both subjects. Wow.. I should be really thankful to those people who fueled my the energy to review and think hard during the exams. God heard my prayers.. the biggest "THANKS!" goes to Him.
[ new house ]
we just moved in to our new house in Cainta, Rizal. I feel a bit bored there because the place is soo quiet, unlike in the place where I grew up... hehe. It also feels ironic, because there were only 2 of us who stay there (on eof my brother wanted to stay in Makati while my other brother hardly stays for a long time), me and my mom, and the house is big while our house in Makati is small yet inhabited by so many. But y'know what? I know I will miss our house in Makati even if it's not big and beautiful. I learned to love that house amidst the nosy, gossipy neighbors and the dirty surrounding because it's the place where I grew up. Somehow, that place help shaped my personality and attitude. I'm not maarte because of that house. I acquired humility because of that humble house. That house is my HOME. But of course, our lives need improvement. We need to look forward to the greater things in life. Change is inevitable. At least, the change that happened was not about going to a small house coming from a big house, but vice versa. Next stop is New York, so I guess I'll be saying goodbye not just to a smaller house, I'll be saying goodbye to people... people I dearly love. I believe that thing would be a much harder change to accept.. but yeah, life must go on.
[ the continuation... of the TOP TEN LIST! ]
I really can't think of the most deserving person to put in the number 9 slot... so, yeah, I'll just think harder and then put person number 9 in the next entry.. hehe..
The Top 10 List
Andrew of P1 made his own TOP 15 list of the best people of his life. I'm happy and proud to occupy the 10th spot of his exclusive list. What he did is a good way of reminding himself who were those people who touched his life. Well, there had been an overwhelming urge of making the same list so allow me to present to you my very own TOP 10 picks of the best people I've ever met (as of MARCH 2006)...
but before that, I just would like to mention it here first that I read in Andrew's blog that he had been mad about my being partisan to the recent FEU student council election. Well, I understand him for feeling that way towards me because I wasn't supposed to take side in the election for I was a COMELEC member. I abused my power.. shame on me..! hehe. He was also angered by the fact that I chose to vote for the opponent of my classmate. By the way, that classmate of mine won in the aforementioned election and he actually thanked me because he thought I voted for him. Well anyway, back to Andrew's hostile reaction to my decision, he stated on the blog that even if he detested my "political" actions of supporting instead a MasCom student than voting for a PolSci peer, he said that all those belonged to the past now. He now considers me a good friend capable of giving him good advises about his dilemmas.
Andrew, I'm sorry if I've done all those things in the past. I just want you to know that whatever action I take, I see to it first that my act wouldn't violate the principles I believed in. For me, voting for a person just because he's my classmate is an act that would go against my principle so I didn't do it. I have justifiable reasons not to vote for him. You know who he is. Even you had had doubts about him. I don't offer my loyalty to individuals, I devote my loyalty only to my principles. I hopw you understand that.
Ok,let's go now to my TOP 10 MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE INSIDE AND OUT:
I've decided to post only one person per blog entry because I will make a very long blog entry if I'll be completing the list in one seating. Furthermore, I'll have a lot of time to think about who among the people I know is deserving to be on my very own exclusive list:
10. Ms. Carolino -- She was my teacher in my Enligsh subject when I was in my 6th grade in elementary. I agree to what Mrs. Reyes was saying about elementary school teachers, they didn't give us the education we deserved mainly because they don't enough wisdom to share, only candies and other things to sell. However, I should say that Ms. Carolino is one of the few who is excempted to that rule. Ms. Carolino, as much as I can remember, was a teacher whose strictness may become unbearable. But even if she was that strict, I can't deny that she was one of the best English teachers I ever had. When we were asked to pass our notebooks, you'll be amazed to know that she actually go through every page of our notebooks to check, WORD BY WORD, grammar or spelling mistakes. I learned a lot from her and I will always be thankful to God for giving me the time to spend with such a wonderful person. Thanks, too, Ma'am!
{watch out for person number 9 on the next blog entry...]
but before that, I just would like to mention it here first that I read in Andrew's blog that he had been mad about my being partisan to the recent FEU student council election. Well, I understand him for feeling that way towards me because I wasn't supposed to take side in the election for I was a COMELEC member. I abused my power.. shame on me..! hehe. He was also angered by the fact that I chose to vote for the opponent of my classmate. By the way, that classmate of mine won in the aforementioned election and he actually thanked me because he thought I voted for him. Well anyway, back to Andrew's hostile reaction to my decision, he stated on the blog that even if he detested my "political" actions of supporting instead a MasCom student than voting for a PolSci peer, he said that all those belonged to the past now. He now considers me a good friend capable of giving him good advises about his dilemmas.
Andrew, I'm sorry if I've done all those things in the past. I just want you to know that whatever action I take, I see to it first that my act wouldn't violate the principles I believed in. For me, voting for a person just because he's my classmate is an act that would go against my principle so I didn't do it. I have justifiable reasons not to vote for him. You know who he is. Even you had had doubts about him. I don't offer my loyalty to individuals, I devote my loyalty only to my principles. I hopw you understand that.
Ok,let's go now to my TOP 10 MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE INSIDE AND OUT:
I've decided to post only one person per blog entry because I will make a very long blog entry if I'll be completing the list in one seating. Furthermore, I'll have a lot of time to think about who among the people I know is deserving to be on my very own exclusive list:
10. Ms. Carolino -- She was my teacher in my Enligsh subject when I was in my 6th grade in elementary. I agree to what Mrs. Reyes was saying about elementary school teachers, they didn't give us the education we deserved mainly because they don't enough wisdom to share, only candies and other things to sell. However, I should say that Ms. Carolino is one of the few who is excempted to that rule. Ms. Carolino, as much as I can remember, was a teacher whose strictness may become unbearable. But even if she was that strict, I can't deny that she was one of the best English teachers I ever had. When we were asked to pass our notebooks, you'll be amazed to know that she actually go through every page of our notebooks to check, WORD BY WORD, grammar or spelling mistakes. I learned a lot from her and I will always be thankful to God for giving me the time to spend with such a wonderful person. Thanks, too, Ma'am!
{watch out for person number 9 on the next blog entry...]
Topic Is Cheating...
Last thursday, we had our exam on Internaional Law. The exam covered three long chapters and involved several cases. In short, the exam wasn't a piece of cake for all of us. Although the exam was hard, I was confident that the smarter people in our class will still have the chance of making it good. But while I answering my test paper, I heard my professor saying that some of my classmates were blatantly cheating in front of his eyes. I was pretty much sure that the people he was talking about were the known intellectual beggars in our class. I was surprised when I was told that the people who received a minus 10 were actually the smart ones.
I was disappointed because I so abhor cheating. I'm not saying that I did not perform any act of academic dishonesty in the past. Yes, I cheated before, because I was too young to realize that cheating is a serious problem among students. Many people believe that cheating during exams is not a big deal. But it is! Cheating is a form of lying. Cheating, for me, is an act of pretense. Cheating is like digging your own grave. Cheating is cowardice, the last resort of those who can't accept defeat. Maybe in war, we can apply cheating and label it "strategy" but I'm afraid the same could never be applied when it comes to academic matters. Studies is different. We study because we have to learn, not just things related to math, science, etc.. We also study to learn values needed for our personal growth. Educational institution's primary goal was not to produce gradutes who have HIGH grades. Their ultimate goal was to produce graduates who have good attitudes toward work. If I'm an employer, I would only be interested in your grades in the beginning. My impression will still depend on the quality of your work and the manner you interact and deal with people.
You don't have to cheat. You need to study! Hardwork and determination will get you where you want to go. Add good attitude to that and you're on your way to achieving the best life has to offer.
I was disappointed because I so abhor cheating. I'm not saying that I did not perform any act of academic dishonesty in the past. Yes, I cheated before, because I was too young to realize that cheating is a serious problem among students. Many people believe that cheating during exams is not a big deal. But it is! Cheating is a form of lying. Cheating, for me, is an act of pretense. Cheating is like digging your own grave. Cheating is cowardice, the last resort of those who can't accept defeat. Maybe in war, we can apply cheating and label it "strategy" but I'm afraid the same could never be applied when it comes to academic matters. Studies is different. We study because we have to learn, not just things related to math, science, etc.. We also study to learn values needed for our personal growth. Educational institution's primary goal was not to produce gradutes who have HIGH grades. Their ultimate goal was to produce graduates who have good attitudes toward work. If I'm an employer, I would only be interested in your grades in the beginning. My impression will still depend on the quality of your work and the manner you interact and deal with people.
You don't have to cheat. You need to study! Hardwork and determination will get you where you want to go. Add good attitude to that and you're on your way to achieving the best life has to offer.
Project Essay I would like to Share
This is a project that will only be granted with a grade of 60 because I'll be submitting it past the due date. I can't understand myself why I still spent a deal of time to finish this off when I know that it souldn't be graded anymore according to its content, but according to the date passed instead. Oh anyway, since I know this wouldn't be read anymore by my professor, I might as well just post this as a blog entry, ENJOY!
People who claimed to be supporters of real democracy are once again crying foul for yet another action made by the Arroyo administration that hindered them to practice their "rights", the Proclamation 1017.
Is the proclamation constitutional? Many of the vocal specialists in the field of law seem to have the same answer -- 'NO'. They said that there had been inconsistencies in the full text of the proclamation, its title tenuously connected with the body. I read in one article that the proclamation supposed to have violated one rule in statutory construction of laws. Therefore, I'm afraid I may not be qualified enough to declare the questioned act of Her Excellency as constitutional or otherwise.
But maybe, we should try going over to that part of our constitution where it was stated that the president, as the commander-in-chief of the AFP, may call out his/her armed forces to suppress lawless violence, invasion or rebellion. Using this as my basis, I can say that, somehow, that Proclamation 1017 can be considered justifiable. There is indeed a clear and present danger too apparent not to be acted upon. The opposition found another good time and place for the execution of their power-grabbing modus operand, which is the celebration of the People Power 1. These people were trying too hard to destabilize the government, employing even actions that involve the use of unnecessary force and violence. So I think it was her job to issue the Proclamation 1017 to ensure that the civilian's safety will be protected. The media argued that the government took away their freedom of expression, but I guess it's ok to take away some rights from some people if these rights were being abused anyway. What I'm trying to say is, we complain too much because we've been restricted from doing the things we consider to be within the scope of our rights, not realizing that we are also capable of abusing those rights.
Some people even said that the proclamation 1017 is already like Martial Law. If what they are saying is true, I can conclude now that the martial law proclaimed by Marcos wasn't that bad after all. I'm so disgusted by the manner some power-hungry individuals lure the simple-minded Filipinos into believing that in a democratic country, you can do anything you want just because you have the rights. It's saddening to know that we tend to forget about the responsibilities that go with the rights. I am also saddened by the fact that we have the wrong ideas about the true meaning of freedom and democracy. I detest the fact that human principles can be bought in a country hampered by poverty, and its okay for the people to be regarded as commodities by the reigning oligarchs.
If the sole question would only be whether the Proclamation 1017 is constitutional, I'll just say no with eyes closed and believe in my mind that with the kind of people we have here, it should be.
People who claimed to be supporters of real democracy are once again crying foul for yet another action made by the Arroyo administration that hindered them to practice their "rights", the Proclamation 1017.
Is the proclamation constitutional? Many of the vocal specialists in the field of law seem to have the same answer -- 'NO'. They said that there had been inconsistencies in the full text of the proclamation, its title tenuously connected with the body. I read in one article that the proclamation supposed to have violated one rule in statutory construction of laws. Therefore, I'm afraid I may not be qualified enough to declare the questioned act of Her Excellency as constitutional or otherwise.
But maybe, we should try going over to that part of our constitution where it was stated that the president, as the commander-in-chief of the AFP, may call out his/her armed forces to suppress lawless violence, invasion or rebellion. Using this as my basis, I can say that, somehow, that Proclamation 1017 can be considered justifiable. There is indeed a clear and present danger too apparent not to be acted upon. The opposition found another good time and place for the execution of their power-grabbing modus operand, which is the celebration of the People Power 1. These people were trying too hard to destabilize the government, employing even actions that involve the use of unnecessary force and violence. So I think it was her job to issue the Proclamation 1017 to ensure that the civilian's safety will be protected. The media argued that the government took away their freedom of expression, but I guess it's ok to take away some rights from some people if these rights were being abused anyway. What I'm trying to say is, we complain too much because we've been restricted from doing the things we consider to be within the scope of our rights, not realizing that we are also capable of abusing those rights.
Some people even said that the proclamation 1017 is already like Martial Law. If what they are saying is true, I can conclude now that the martial law proclaimed by Marcos wasn't that bad after all. I'm so disgusted by the manner some power-hungry individuals lure the simple-minded Filipinos into believing that in a democratic country, you can do anything you want just because you have the rights. It's saddening to know that we tend to forget about the responsibilities that go with the rights. I am also saddened by the fact that we have the wrong ideas about the true meaning of freedom and democracy. I detest the fact that human principles can be bought in a country hampered by poverty, and its okay for the people to be regarded as commodities by the reigning oligarchs.
If the sole question would only be whether the Proclamation 1017 is constitutional, I'll just say no with eyes closed and believe in my mind that with the kind of people we have here, it should be.
Crazy Talk With Mrs. Reyes
Our final exam in Public Speaking is quite unque.. and hard. We need to sell candies that would cost ten pesos each and we have to offer the unreasonably priced commodity to our chosen faculty members of the school. The purpose was to test our ability to persuade a person to buy our goods even if it has an unreasonable price. I chose Mrs. Reyes as my customer simply because I know she'll help me out with the whole process by adding some sense in the selling process. The fact that she's a very sincere person would actually be a plus for me because I don't want to sell my goods to someone who will be nice only in front of a camera. With Mrs. Reyes, I know there'll be no sugar-coating that'll happen or whatsoever... that, for me, lessen the stress and the feeling of intimidation on my part.
Unfortunately, we don't have the means to take hold of a reliable videocam so we ended up using Jim's mobile phone (thanks soooo much jim! we owe you this one!). We didn't have any problem with the picture quality of the videos, but I should say that I am now in deep shit because I can't figure out how I will be able to reduce the background noise in my interview with Mrs. Reyes. The audio qulaity is just so poor! 2 out of 10, 10 being the highest. I can barely hear my voice! My noisy classmates won't go out of the room where we've decided to shoot so they're the one to be blamed for the poor audio quality of my video. hehe. Anyway, here's th video I've been talking about:
Unfortunately, we don't have the means to take hold of a reliable videocam so we ended up using Jim's mobile phone (thanks soooo much jim! we owe you this one!). We didn't have any problem with the picture quality of the videos, but I should say that I am now in deep shit because I can't figure out how I will be able to reduce the background noise in my interview with Mrs. Reyes. The audio qulaity is just so poor! 2 out of 10, 10 being the highest. I can barely hear my voice! My noisy classmates won't go out of the room where we've decided to shoot so they're the one to be blamed for the poor audio quality of my video. hehe. Anyway, here's th video I've been talking about:
The 2006 Oscar Winners!
Complete list of winners at the 78th annual Academy Awards, presented Sunday night at the Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles:
Best Picture: "Crash."
Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Capote."
Actress: Reese Witherspoon, "Walk the Line."
Supporting Actor: George Clooney, "Syriana."
Supporting Actress: Rachel Weisz, "The Constant Gardener."
Director: Ang Lee, "Brokeback Mountain."
Foreign Film: "Tsotsi," South Africa.
Adapted Screenplay: Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana, "Brokeback Mountain."
Original Screenplay: Paul Haggis and Bobby Moresco, "Crash."
Animated Feature Film: "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit."
Art Direction: "Memoirs of a Geisha."
Cinematography: "Memoirs of a Geisha."
Sound Mixing: "King Kong."
Sound Editing: "King Kong."
Original Score: "Brokeback Mountain," Gustavo Santaolalla.
Original Song: "It's Hard out Here for a Pimp" from "Hustle & Flow," Jordan Houston, Cedric Coleman and Paul Beauregard.
Costume: "Memoirs of a Geisha."
Documentary Feature: "March of the Penguins."
Documentary (short subject): "A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin."
Film Editing: "Crash."
Makeup: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe."
Animated Short Film: "The Moon and the Son: An Imagined Conversation."
Live Action Short Film: "Six Shooter."
Visual Effects: "King Kong."
Best Picture: "Crash."
Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Capote."
Actress: Reese Witherspoon, "Walk the Line."
Supporting Actor: George Clooney, "Syriana."
Supporting Actress: Rachel Weisz, "The Constant Gardener."
Director: Ang Lee, "Brokeback Mountain."
Foreign Film: "Tsotsi," South Africa.
Adapted Screenplay: Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana, "Brokeback Mountain."
Original Screenplay: Paul Haggis and Bobby Moresco, "Crash."
Animated Feature Film: "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit."
Art Direction: "Memoirs of a Geisha."
Cinematography: "Memoirs of a Geisha."
Sound Mixing: "King Kong."
Sound Editing: "King Kong."
Original Score: "Brokeback Mountain," Gustavo Santaolalla.
Original Song: "It's Hard out Here for a Pimp" from "Hustle & Flow," Jordan Houston, Cedric Coleman and Paul Beauregard.
Costume: "Memoirs of a Geisha."
Documentary Feature: "March of the Penguins."
Documentary (short subject): "A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin."
Film Editing: "Crash."
Makeup: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe."
Animated Short Film: "The Moon and the Son: An Imagined Conversation."
Live Action Short Film: "Six Shooter."
Visual Effects: "King Kong."
My Life in Pictures
I still don't have that level of enthusiasm to write a detailed, text-based only blog entry so I will just be sharing another batch of images my digicam has been able to capture this week. I've added a wee bit of information of what the photo is all about. Please accuse me of being a frustrated photographer... thanks.
Whipped out the digicam (while I was talking to doms) and took these photos. these were taken last March 2. Isn't my school lovely?
This is one of the 2 certificates I received for joining the on-the-spot writing contest and the political science quiz bee. I won the third place in the essay writing contest while I lost my title as the 2005 quiz bee champion to the sophomores this year. Nezt year will be pay back time! haha!
This was also taken last March 2. Here, the students were choosing from the lists of candidates from the SAMASA and SANDIGAN parties laid down on the tables. This election would fill the available seats in both the FEUCSO and IAS student Council. I volunteered to become a comelec member, so, I was there, helping out in the election process. It was a good experience, although I was disappointed because most of the people I've voted for didn't win. Oh well...
Whipped out the digicam (while I was talking to doms) and took these photos. these were taken last March 2. Isn't my school lovely?
This is one of the 2 certificates I received for joining the on-the-spot writing contest and the political science quiz bee. I won the third place in the essay writing contest while I lost my title as the 2005 quiz bee champion to the sophomores this year. Nezt year will be pay back time! haha!
This was also taken last March 2. Here, the students were choosing from the lists of candidates from the SAMASA and SANDIGAN parties laid down on the tables. This election would fill the available seats in both the FEUCSO and IAS student Council. I volunteered to become a comelec member, so, I was there, helping out in the election process. It was a good experience, although I was disappointed because most of the people I've voted for didn't win. Oh well...
Images: My Excuse for Not Writing Blog Entries
There had been interesting happenings in my life these past few days. I've won the 3rd prize in the on-the-spot essay writing contest, I lost in the quiz bowl challenge, went to Mark's place, gave Sarah an artwork for her birthday and so on... I'm going to include details regarding these happenings, but not now. That essay writing contest drained my brain and now I can't squeeze out proper words so as to create a detailed and accurate account of this week's experiences.
Ok, I'll just show you the drawing I've made for Sarah and the logo I've just finished for the Rotaract Club of Sampaloc. Yeah, yeah, yeah.. they're not created using Adobe Photoshop so forgive me for the low image quality. These are manually drawn and scanned then printed. The photoshop wasn't installed and I believe our hard disk doesn't have enough space to accommodate the large file size of the Adobe program, so, yeah, no Photoshop exercises for me! No photoshop edited photos too! hehe! Well anyweiz, here are the images I was talking about, Enjoy!
Ok, I'll just show you the drawing I've made for Sarah and the logo I've just finished for the Rotaract Club of Sampaloc. Yeah, yeah, yeah.. they're not created using Adobe Photoshop so forgive me for the low image quality. These are manually drawn and scanned then printed. The photoshop wasn't installed and I believe our hard disk doesn't have enough space to accommodate the large file size of the Adobe program, so, yeah, no Photoshop exercises for me! No photoshop edited photos too! hehe! Well anyweiz, here are the images I was talking about, Enjoy!
from blogthings...
| You Should Get a JD (Juris Doctor) |
 You're logical, driven, and ruthless. You'd make a mighty fine lawyer. |
Love is A Force of Nature
Cast:
Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, Michelle Williams. Anne Hathaway
MY REVIEW:
At first thought, who would ever enjoy a film about two gay cowboys claiming they had fallen in love with each other just because they've been together for about a month in a place called Brokeback Mountain? People I knew, some straight men, conservatives and the closed-minded, admitted that they didn't find the story appealing to their morally upright tastes.
Honestly speaking, upon hearing about the story line of the controversial movie, I also found it ridiculous. But when I finisehd watching the movie, I knew right then that this is one of those movies which weren't exactly made to please people. What's ridiculous for you may just be the noblest thing to do or have for others, even if it would tantamount to a life-long misery. Hey, honestly, I don't have a wide scope of vocabulary so I'll just give you this helpful review from Entertainment Weekly, ENJOY! :
Brokeback Mountain is that rare thing, a big Hollywood weeper with a beautiful ache at its center. It's a modern-age Western that turns into a quietly revolutionary love story. In 1963, Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal), a couple of dirt-poor ranch hands, take a job guarding a flock of sheep on Brokeback Mountain, a pristine jutting vista nestled in the lush Wyoming wilderness. Ennis, a crusty, taciturn loner with a scowl that might have been carved into his pale face, and Jack, an amateur rodeo rider who has held on to his optimistic boyishness, are youthful anachronisms, relics of the fading days of the Great Plains culture. But they're still cowboys to the core; they've fallen into this life because it feeds something in them.
To keep the coyotes away, Jack is assigned to sleep near the flock, but mostly the two men have hours, days, and weeks on their hands. They jump on horses to guide the sheep across meadows and rivers; they sit around a campfire, heating canned beans and swapping stories and a bottle of whiskey. Then, one night, when it's too cold for either one of them to sleep outside, they do something that the old movie cowboys never did: They wrap their bodies in a rough embrace and, without a hint of seduction, they have sex, an act that's as shocking to them as it is to us.
Because it feels right, they do it again as the days go by. Yet what is it, exactly, they're feeling, this urgent seizure of loneliness and affection and desire? Ennis and Jack, who've been raised in a world where to be ''queer'' is not to be a man (and is therefore unthinkable), can't grasp the feeling that's come over them because they literally don't have the words for it. In their very innocence, they are, in an odd way, a bit like the ancient Greeks, who saw homosexuality as an exalted expression of male friendship. Ennis and Jack call each other ''friend,'' and they mean it, but their bond evolves into a delicate, suspended romance, and Brokeback Mountain becomes their Eden, the craggy cowboy paradise from which they are destined to fall.
Adapted from Annie Proulx's brilliant 1997 short story, Brokeback Mountain was directed by Ang Lee (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) from a script by the venerable Western novelist and screenwriter Larry McMurtry (Lonesome Dove) and Diana Ossana, and together they have coaxed Proulx's anecdotal, through-the-years narrative into a wistful epic of longing and loss. Lee stages the picture with an enraptured tranquillity that lets each emotion shine through. At times, it's a bit too tranquil, especially in the episodic second half, but when Brokeback Mountain takes off, it soars.
Ennis and Jack drift into their separate lives, each caught in a fractured marriage with children, but they reunite over the years, going on fishing trips where no fishing gets done, sharing, however fleetingly, the connection they can barely speak of. They're products — victims — of a closeted culture, yet secrecy and repression work on them in a special way. They're men who have fallen in love without quite realizing that's what's happened to them, and the glory of Brokeback Mountain is that in tracing their fates, treating their passion as something unprecedented — a force so powerful it can scarcely be named — the movie makes love seem as ineffable as it really is.
Jack, a shade more comfortable with his nature, talks of getting a ranch together, but Ennis will have none of it: Stung by childhood memories of a rancher who lived with a man and got bashed for it, he fears — he knows — that exposure could kill them. In the classic Westerns, the cowboys were often men of few words, but Heath Ledger speaks in tones so low and gruff and raspy his words just about scrape ground, and he doesn't string a whole lot of those words together. Ennis' inexpressiveness is truly ...inexpressive, yet ironically eloquent for that very reason, as tiny glimmers of soul escape his rigid facade. Ennis says nothing he doesn't mean; he's incapable of guile, yet he erupts in tantrums — the anger of a man who can't be what he is and doesn't realize the quandary is eating him alive. Ledger, with beady eyes and pursed lips, gives a performance of extraordinary, gnarled tenderness. Gyllenhaal is touching in a different way, his puppy eyes widening with hope, then turning inward and forlorn.
As the movie goes on, Ennis, penniless and alone, becomes a shard of a man, nurturing a lost dream. Brokeback Mountain has a luscious doomed tenor that, at times, makes it feel like Edith Wharton with Stetsons. It's far from being a message movie, yet if you tear up in the magnificent final scene, with its haunting slow waltz of comfort and regret, it's worth noting what, exactly, you're reacting to: a love that has been made to knuckle under to society's design. In an age when the fight over gay marriage still rages, Brokeback Mountain, the tale of two men who are scarcely even allowed to imagine being together, asks, through the very purity with which it touches us: When it comes to love, what sort of world do we really want?
Expectations... BIG Expectations
Another Political Science Quiz Bowl... hmm, I wonder if God will perform the same miracle He did for me last year.. yes, I'm the other half of the Quiz Bowl champions last year, with Paul Avecilla as my partner. This time, I don't have Paul beside me, but I believe Herbert Ikan can do something so we wouldn't look like fools tis coming Wednesday, February 15.
Last year, when I joined in the Quiz Bowl, I was just there to have some fun and challenge myself with the questions they'll be asking. I wasn't expecting to win. I did not bother to review at all. I put no pressure on myself. Fortunately, we did it. We emerged as champions in that quiz bowl, me and paul.
But the upcoming quiz bowl stresses me out. I can sense something from other people again\ - expectations. What if I lost the title? I'll be such a big disappointment to them. They'll think I just got lucky the last time. They'll think it was really Paul who worked hard to make our tandem the champions. They'll think that way and I don't want to tire myself out by explaining. I feel like if I lose in this quiz bee, I also lose the crown and if I simply will not join, then I'll get to keep my glory. But I realized, that was a defeatist attitude, a very cowardly act. Maybe I'm just paranoid. People's big expectaions are bringing me the paranoia.
Just do what you have to do. Get there and kick people's asses. If you failed to keep the crown, malapit lang ang Recto, pagawa ka na lang ulet ng para sayo. hahaha! Yeah! I think I need to get back to my old self again... not thinking too much of what others have to say, no worries about expectations, having the ability to laugh at my foolishness. I just wish God will be there to take away the pressures and to support me.
Atchara was right, I don't need any other people to act as my star. I already have one.
Last year, when I joined in the Quiz Bowl, I was just there to have some fun and challenge myself with the questions they'll be asking. I wasn't expecting to win. I did not bother to review at all. I put no pressure on myself. Fortunately, we did it. We emerged as champions in that quiz bowl, me and paul.
But the upcoming quiz bowl stresses me out. I can sense something from other people again\ - expectations. What if I lost the title? I'll be such a big disappointment to them. They'll think I just got lucky the last time. They'll think it was really Paul who worked hard to make our tandem the champions. They'll think that way and I don't want to tire myself out by explaining. I feel like if I lose in this quiz bee, I also lose the crown and if I simply will not join, then I'll get to keep my glory. But I realized, that was a defeatist attitude, a very cowardly act. Maybe I'm just paranoid. People's big expectaions are bringing me the paranoia.
Just do what you have to do. Get there and kick people's asses. If you failed to keep the crown, malapit lang ang Recto, pagawa ka na lang ulet ng para sayo. hahaha! Yeah! I think I need to get back to my old self again... not thinking too much of what others have to say, no worries about expectations, having the ability to laugh at my foolishness. I just wish God will be there to take away the pressures and to support me.
Atchara was right, I don't need any other people to act as my star. I already have one.
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Sometimes, I Write, in Solitude
All days are ordinary. My life is already made up of series of routines. Eat, sleep, bleed.
Sometimes, you would call. It still amazed me to see colors turn lively, far from the usual sickly pale during ordinary days where you choose to deprive me of a need. Your voice.
Sometimes, you will let me see you. You would prove to me for awhile that you are not a mere imagination, or a product of my mind whose specialty is creating perfect illusions. But then you'll disappear again. And I will go back to my other belief that you're really just an illusion, made to play tricks on my mind. Sometimes, the latter belief seems more believable.
Sometimes, you'll hold me. Sometimes I like it, at other times, I don't. I like it because I feel a different kind of warmth, the kind of warmth that makes me want to sleep and never to wake up again. Just like heaven. I don't like it because I long for it too badly when it's already gone. The painful kind of longing, like being undressed in a cold winter night.
Sometimes, I die. Because waiting is a form of suicide. Although you never promised to go back, you never told me about being us together, I still hoped and waited. You never promise nor tell anything, because you never had plans that involve me. I wish you knew that you shaped my every plans. I have no plans for myself, I only have plans for you, or for both of us. When you chose to ran away, my dreams in life have ran away with you. Now I'm dead.
Sometimes, I breathe again. Thanks to the memories you've left. They were the ones that keep me alive. Your memories revive me. Because in those memories, there were only us in the picture. It reminds me that true love doesn't always have a happy ending, because true love can be tragic, can be so miserable. Simply because true love doesn't have an ending. It's a happiness/sadness cycle.
I Don't Have the WRITE stuff... So what?!
I have this marvelous professor who broadcasted in our class the "stupid" thing I've written on an essay, which I consider as a mere "honest mistake" on my part.
We've been assigned to work on an essay about the testimonial program that we watched Tuesday last week. The program was for the newly appointed Supreme Court Chief Justice, who is a graduate of our university. The stupid part, he said, was when I wrote "when the Justice took over the podium, the audience couldn't help but offer a standing ovation". He said it was plain stupid to write that sentence because it wasn't, after all, a standing ovation. Standing ovations are for performances only, I remembered him saying. He added that it is a duty of people to stand-up whenever a Justice is about to give a talk as a sign of respect. I didn't know that. I even laughed at myself because it goes to show that I can be too ignorant at some things. I admit my face turned red because of shame during the time he was criticizing my paper in front of all my classmates. All I could do was smile. Now I know that standing ovations are for performances only. No more like that in my future writings. hehe.
Truthfully, I don't hold grudge against what he said, after all, all he said was true. But I think I got a problem with the way he said it.
If only you were there, you'll probably think that he wasn't capable of giving constructive criticisms. He knows how to hit a nerve and he's really good at it. He has no regard for people's feelings. I'm not the only one who could and would affirm to that. Well, here's my conclusion: I believe he's just insecure. I have this feeling that he thinks too highly of himself, regards his skills superior but feels that his accomplishments are too little or of mediocre quality. You're good sir, but certainly not the best.
Sir, I will become a good writer. I'll be bigger than what you've managed to become. Or if my stupidity won't allow me to become a good writer, then I'll just avoid being someone like you. That, for me, is an accomplishment I could be really proud of.
We've been assigned to work on an essay about the testimonial program that we watched Tuesday last week. The program was for the newly appointed Supreme Court Chief Justice, who is a graduate of our university. The stupid part, he said, was when I wrote "when the Justice took over the podium, the audience couldn't help but offer a standing ovation". He said it was plain stupid to write that sentence because it wasn't, after all, a standing ovation. Standing ovations are for performances only, I remembered him saying. He added that it is a duty of people to stand-up whenever a Justice is about to give a talk as a sign of respect. I didn't know that. I even laughed at myself because it goes to show that I can be too ignorant at some things. I admit my face turned red because of shame during the time he was criticizing my paper in front of all my classmates. All I could do was smile. Now I know that standing ovations are for performances only. No more like that in my future writings. hehe.
Truthfully, I don't hold grudge against what he said, after all, all he said was true. But I think I got a problem with the way he said it.
If only you were there, you'll probably think that he wasn't capable of giving constructive criticisms. He knows how to hit a nerve and he's really good at it. He has no regard for people's feelings. I'm not the only one who could and would affirm to that. Well, here's my conclusion: I believe he's just insecure. I have this feeling that he thinks too highly of himself, regards his skills superior but feels that his accomplishments are too little or of mediocre quality. You're good sir, but certainly not the best.
Sir, I will become a good writer. I'll be bigger than what you've managed to become. Or if my stupidity won't allow me to become a good writer, then I'll just avoid being someone like you. That, for me, is an accomplishment I could be really proud of.
