3AM poem

3am.. ho-hum.. I'm sure my brother will be home soon so I'm posting my MAY 2 entry now.. oh look.. it's just a poem, read on:

3 A.M flashbacks



questions with clear answers
but concealed from your heart
covered by sheets called friendship
even though it felt more than that

your arms, they brought a peculiar warmth
but you are in chains, locked up
afraid to reveal the different color you have
keys buried within the soils of self denial

patience melting away like a lighted candle
path which you are willing to take still left unchosen
to be happy or to be right? two life's choices.
tick-tocks munching away moments which shud've been ours

now, the fire - your light - was already put out
the flame you wished to keep burning with unconditional love
I am the path you did not plan to take from the start; now an option
but aren't meant to be's are still arent' meant to be's

flip the page now, I'm just another chapter

ABOUT the POEM:
written at 3am, image from: deviantart.com
frustrated music lover

I have so much passion for music. I can afford to be late for school just to finish a good song on air. I've been wishing for soo long now that sana, God will give me the time and money (ok! money alone! never mind the time, I can work that out! hehe) to learn how to play a musical intrument.

fiesta. creepwalk. religion.

my 6 yr. old cuzin rocked in the creepwalk and harlem dance contest last night! woohoo! of course, his group lost but then it was a wonderful event for him, having to step up on a stage to groove to the sound of snoop dogg... i hope so. haha! today is our baranggay fiesta.. ha! i think we're the only household in this baranggay who are not willing to spend money para maghanda... hehe.. hindi kasi namin naka-ugalian eh. speaking of fiesta, kung meron man kaming handa at pwede akong mang-imbita sa bahay, may mga friends din akong hindi pala pwedeng sumama.. sina dan and franz, being a member of Iglesia ni Cristo...

spirituality

Image hosted by Photobucket.com


I already mentioned this to Franz, that I'm proud of her, as well as for the other people who are just like her, who are willing to sacrifice or surrender their personal rights/freedom for their religion. I just can't see myself doing that kind of thing at my age.. ako pa! e pasaway ako... nakakainis lang minsan, kasi naiisip ko na pag ginawa ko yun, parang I'm already a property of some organization na may mga set of rules na naaayon daw sa utos ng Diyos pero hindi naman naaayon sa nilalaman ng puso ko.

Sorry, I didn't mean to criticize religious orgs, sects or kahit anong grupo... pero I consider myself as a person with no religion. Pero that doesn't mean na I'm an atheist or worse, a satanist. I really believe in God. I believe that by living the life that He had given me, touching other people's lives just by being myself, I'm already knowing him little by little. I don't go to churches but my heart seems to bring me to a place closer to God just by praying. I'm not a religious person, I admit that, but I'm a spiritual person... that's the best thing I can do for GOD to make HIM happy. I just hope that won't fail.

Wag nyo nakong gayahin, malay nyo that won't really satisfy the real God, di ba? pero as much as I know Him, hindi sya ganon.

God Bless YOU.

so.. everyone's shocked?

constantine
constantine: booted off by America... maybe he'll just continue to "pray for the soul of betty"...


franz paid a visit to my crib yesterday and she gave me the most beautiful bracelet in the whole wide world (ok, that's exaggerated).. it's composed of uneven shaped stones of colors green and orange.. my fave combination of colors! thanks franz! alam ko namang to pay that off, I must download every single American Idol 4 songs noh! pahirap ka talaga!! haha! speaking of AI4, after singing a horrendous version (lyrics messed up and he just can't do it better than Chad Kroeger's version.. sorry) of an all-time favorite song of mine - Nickelback's "How You Remind Me", Cons is now out of AI4 race.. don't worry Constantine fans, Cons and his band, altogether known as "Pray For The Soul Of Betty" will be having an album out on May 10. uh-oh.. I'm not an anti-Constantine, but this image from tvgasm.com is way too funny not to share:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com


thoughts, questions and hmm.. more questions:

Up to this moment, we still don't have a decent TV working and I can't manage to watch music videos anymore.. but late thursday night, I got hold of the remote control of my aunt's TV and glared at the screen of her black and white TOSHIBA TV for a couple of hours. On MYX is Lindsay Lohan's "Over".. after watching the video, I felt dizzy and nauseated... because I just can't comprehend to what the video is trying to convey! I mean, you can call me stupid, but the short love story that was told there is just sooo freakin' me out!! A father trying to keep off his son from Lindsay? and although a hunky, is bullied easily by his father? and... is that it?! well, that really is some new idea... but still a stupid one! I'm not bashing Lindsay! I'm actually kinda liking her because her songs are worth a listen but over's video just left my eyes burning..

Queer Eye for OPM Songs

SAME GROUND
Kitchie Nadal's "Same Ground" is just soooo beautiful... even if you take away the melody, the words alone can leave a mark on your heart.. and.. I love the video too! *claps*

Please bear with me for today's long entry, but I didn't manage to go online for a couple of days so there's a lot of thoughts still hanging on my mind.. but.. ok, I'm done for today's post..

Oh-my: I wish we'll have a get-together at Leo's place on May 1's Fiesta.

haha. hehe. huhu

may nakita ulet akong pagka-ganda-gandang artwork sa deviantart kaya share ko dito:





I stated here before that I'm not really into telebabad.. but yesterday, I did make a few phone calls to people who really matters to me... evita, blanche and jean.

as for evita, of course, we talked about a lot of things... hmm.. mostly about things na pareho kaming interesado pag-usapan.. like.. hmm.. blogging? ;) yeah right... hahaha

si blanche naman, sosyal! sikat! ay hindi pala.. hoy blanche! kala ko ba sikat SYA?! bakit wala akong makitang pic nya sa internet?! wahaha! well, i've seen the sikat guy she's referring to.. wow.. record breaker nga e.. sa amin na lang yun ni blanche kung sino yun..

si jean - eto ang totoong SIKAT!! wahaha!! chempre sa amin na lang din yun.. hehehehe.. magna cum laude kasi siya eh.. atsaka, atsaka... eon lang.

kung gusto nyo ng full stories ng mga nagpapag-usapan namin, halughugin nyo ang buong world wide web para makita ang aking private blog... hehe.. andun lahat.. ah ewan.. puro kabulastugan na lang ang nandito lagi sa mainsite ko.. hehehe.

ay teka, kwento ko rin pala, ang sakit ng muscles ko sa legs dahil sa pagja-jogging ko sa umaga.. haaayy.. ammp! hindi ako nagpapapayat no!? I just feel sick kapag hindi ako napagpapawisan eh.. lagi na lang kasi akong nakahiga ngayon.. gusto ko na ngang pumasok eh.. boring ng life.. huhuhu.. =D

you know what I realized when I bloghopped today? successful people do blogging. I've managed to stumble upon the blogsites of Tom Green, Hanagirl (Hotleg's Dance choreographer), Ala Paredes and Melanie Griffith (Antonio Banderas' wifey)..

the new pope..

from msnbc.com:

VATICAN CITY - Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany, a hard-line guardian of conservative doctrine, was elected the new pope Tuesday evening in the first conclave of the new millennium. He chose the name Pope Benedict XVI and called himself “a simple, humble worker.”


Image hosted by Photobucket.com


Congats to the new pope.. just give it your best shot! ;)

I called Blanche last friday night, about 10pm, and we talked on the phone until 1am.. we had a short conversation about the newly elected pope.. it was something like this:

blanche: nakita mo ba ung bagong pope?
ako: oo.
blanche: nakakatakot ung itsura no?
ako: ako nga nung makita ko sa TV, sabi ko, "yan ba ung bagong pope? bakit mukang masama?
both: "laughs"

prejudice ba kami? oo nga yata.. hehe.. first impressions lang naman po.. ganito na talaga mga kabataan ngaun, hindi na kasi inhibited, gusto lang sabihin kung ano ang mga opi-opinyon na galing sa obserbasyon.. so eon.. sorry ha?

old new haircut...

Goodbye Anwar...

What the hell happened to AI4? Do people gone dumb already? Watching Anwar Robinson being voted off and leave earlier than Anthony Fedorov and Scott Savol disgusted me soo much!!! Well... some things just don't go right...

I had a new haircut, uhmm.. old new haircut is the right word.. hehe.. had it cut last thursday...



NOON



NGAYON



I know, the new haircut sucks.. hahaba rin naman ulet eh..

Kagabi, kinuha ni franz ung Rob Thomas' "Something to be" album.. eon, dapat sa kanto lang kami magkikita then uwi na xa.. pero niyaya ko xang kumain muna sa bahay.. pero hindi ko naman siya pinakain.. hahaha!! ganda nga daw ng mga songs ni Rob eh.. nainlab na naman.. hehe

the weirdest thing..

I did the weirdest thing last night... bigla na lang akong umiyak.. dahil lang sa mga thoughts na tumatakbo sa isip ko. ang corny noh? kasi naman eh.. I'm really confused about something.. and I just remembered that damn thing Evita told me dati pa.. "Dapat *ano* ka na.. you deserved to be happy... mabait ka kasi eh.." not the exact words but it has the exact thought.. basta something to that effect.

HAHA. natatawa tuloy ako sa sarili ko ngaun.. yuck.. ang korni talaga.. yan tuloy, when I woke up this morning, parang ang bigat ng mga talukap ng mga mata ko. NAKAKAINIS, pinahirapan ko lang naman sarili ko sa ginawa ko.. bakit ba kailangan pang isipin un? una, hindi naman ako mabait.. hehe.. at kung mabait man ako, hindi naman siguro lahat ng mababait ay may lovelife.. hehe.. marami akong kilalang ganun eh..

But it felt good. Parang ang light ng feeling ko after sheding some tears..

gusto ko lang din i-share ung nagawa kong poem during that time.. another untitled poem.. kinda corny.. nah.. corny talaga, hindi pala kinda.. hehe.. pagtiisan nyo na lang



Akala ko pinagbuksan mo na ako ng pinto
Pinatuloy na ang damdaming nilalamig sa labas
Pinatikim ng konting init - ng iyong panahon
magkasamang tumatawa, masaya sa isa't-isa
Wala nang mahihiling pa sa mga yakap mong ibinigay...

Pero natauhan din,
nananaginip lang pala nang gising
nalaman nang bumitaw na naman ng luha ang mga mata
bumalik sa totoong buhay ang diwa kong mapantasya
at hinarap ang katotohanang mahal kita
at wala kang pakialam

a different story

haay salamat, natapos rin ang swimming.. I'd like to post details here but I had mixed up feelings about our outing that it would be better if I just post the detailed story on my other blogsite...

sana mapa-develop na ung pixx nung outing namin.. sayang.. sana parang instant mami na lang kung pinayagan lang sana akong dalhin ni kuya ung digicam.. saksak USB, copy, paste, upload sa internet.. kita kagad. haaay.. sayang talaga.

so eon, today, I managed to clean up my room.. pinagod talaga ako ng kwarto kong napakarumi.. that right after putting everything on its right place, I dozed off.. it's just sooo tiring... parang ung ibang tao sa paligid ko.. dapat tinutulugan kasi nakakapagod na rin silang isipin at intindihin.

lame rumors

first off, even if Anwar is really Gay, I still love his voice and will continue to support him on American Idol.

free mp3s:

Bohemian Rhapsody - Constantine

Never Love this Way Again - Anwar Robinson

Everytime You go Away - Anthony Fedorov

I finally had the chance to watch American Idol last wednesday&thursday.. as expected, I fell in love once again with the show.. but unlike many AI4 fans, NOT with CONSTANTINE MAROULIS. yeah, the tongue's cute and the rock star look is likeable, but hey! let's face the fact that he isn't the best singer/performer in AI4.. although I still believe that he'll make it to the top 3... with BO and ANWAR, yes, ladies and gents, my instinct, together with my music-lover ear tells me so. My prediction is: No lady will make it to the top 3.


Nadia Turner Had Bid Farewell


Pero, malay nyo rin, mali din kasi ako ng prediction last AI3 na si Latoya London ang mananalo eh..

YEHEY!! ang saya! TULOY na TULOY na ang outing ng 4A tomorrow!! wahahaha!!! and guess what? my fansite is being applauded! ..hmm.. life is really good. ;)

products of my boredom

images from deviantart.com



dear room

four walls, witness my emotions pour out
unbarred, watch me take the sympathy you offered
enclosed me within your consoling darkness
be my grave as I let my soul turn numb as I feel the coldness
bury me inside your kind-hearted emptiness
reserved for my hidden frustrations and silent cries
scream with me - names - that murdered my privilege to dream
join me, we will laugh off this tiny piece of sanity left in me

P.S.
help me pretend that I enjoy this life-long bleeding



New Song>

a song playing on the air
the same song I used to dedicate to you
as lovely as you are, the beauty of its melody
touched my heart in the same you've touched mine
I'll suddenly fall into trance, a spirit uplifted
with reasons I never dared question to find

used to, have beens - simply pertains to things abandoned and forgotten
no more love songs to give hope
a broken record is not worth being listened to
years of an unrequitted love had gave way to its end
now fading out, the music lover moves to play a new song...

99.99% bored

Birthday ng kapatid kong bading.. hehe. But the celebration will be held tomorrow.

Wow. ang boring ng bakasyon ko! wala pang TV! may phone nga, nakakatamad naman magtawag... ano namang sasabihin ko sa kanila? hello, nabobored ako eh, pwede bang sayangin oras mo at maghingahan tayo sa phone? duh. gusto ko sanang gumawa ng bagong interface para sa gagawin kong bagong layout ng site ko, pero ang bagal naman ng unit na may naka-install na Adobe Photoshop... kanina nga lang eh, parang it took almost forever to open, nag-hang pa nung first attempt kong buksan.. dami na kasing files nitong unit na to...

buti na lang there's a friend of my brother who brought a game board many more weeks ago na pwedeng paglibangan.. tha millionaire's game - the local version of Monopoly.. hihi.. nakakatamad xa minsan laruin, pero ayos pa rin naman dahil mejo nakakatuwa naman pag ikaw ang nananalo.

I've written a couple of poems last night.. products of boredom and some other emotions kept hidden all these times.. hehe.. or maybe just boredom lang, minus the emotions kept hidden all those times.. I'll post them on my next day entry.

I answered a silly but hilarious survey thingy on Friendster.. it made me laugh a few times so I guess it deserved a spot on this entry:

1). YOUR PORN STAR NAME -
(NAME OF FIRST PET +
STREET YOU LIVE ON):

"ten-ten leyte" hahahah! asong porn star!

2). YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME -
(GRANDMOTHER'S FIRST NAME +
FAVORITE SNACK FOOD):

:: "saturnina cheesering" hey, not bad! hahahahah.

3). YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME -
(FIRST WORD YOU SEE ON YOUR LEFT +
FAVORITE RESTAURANT):

:: "message chowking" well, this
one doesn't make sense now, does it? haha

5). YOUR SOCIALITE NAME -
(SILLIEST CHILDHOOD NICKNAME +
FIRST TOWN WHERE YOU PARTIED):

:: "bayang makati" I'm not really sure if makati as a town is valid though..

6). YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME -
(FIRST INITIAL +
FIRST THREE LETTERS OF YOUR LAST NAME):

:: "RBAL"

7). YOUR DETECTIVE NAME -
(FAVORITE ANIMAL +
NAME OF HIGH SCHOOL):

"raccoon general pio del pilar"
tsk, tsk anybody who wants to be a detective with this name?


8). YOUR BARFLY NAME -
(LAST SNACK FOOD YOU ATE +
YOUR FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK):

:: "cheesecake redhorse" -- CUTE!

9). YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME -
(MIDDLE NAME +
STREET WHERE YOU FIRST LIVED):

:: "tanglib leyte" doesn't sound like a name anymore!

10). YOUR ROCK STAR NAME -
(FAVORITE CANDY +
FAVORITE MUSICIAN'S LAST NAME):

:: "mentos keys" the freshmaker!!!
rock on!! haha!

11). YOUR "POPULAR" NAME -
(FAVORITE CELEBRITY'S FIRST NAME +
BEST FRIEND'S CITY NAME):

:: "sandra mandaluyong" waahahahahaha!

12). YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME -
(NAME OF [OPPOSITE SEX] FRIEND +
CELL PHONE COMPANY YOU USE):

:: "_____ smart" naks... naaaksss.
bagaaaaayyy!!!

what's happening?

I didn't update for the last two days coz something's messed up, it's either our PC's internet connection or the Blogger, Friendster and Deviantart sites.

Anyweiz, I started to make my own designs on Adobe Photoshop yesterday. And I just realized that it's one helluva design program!! Although I'm still at the process of familiarizing myself with the different tools, I know that in a month or two, creating designs will be just easy breezy... well, hopefully. =D

You know what? I think I want to shift to another course... something computer and design related..

I've managed to create 2 designs with the help of some tutorials on the net and I'll be posting them here later (because I saved the images in the other PC, and it's off right now).. visit again to check them out!

[this is part of my kitehost.com blog entry yesterday]

What I've been doing this summer? Okay, there are mainly two things - eating and surfing the net... I don't wanna talk about the eating part... There's so may things I want to do in a computer but there are some hindrances to my plans. Like, I don't own a computer, the PC I'm using belongs to my brother. I can't install programs that I want to know about (like Flash), I can't open the PC anytime I want to because I can only use it whenever my brother's away or asleep. But I'm still thankful coz I've got to use the PC for long hours and I can be considered the "other" owner coz I can act like one when my brother's not around.. =D

good news and bad news

good news and bad news

bad news first, hindi natuloy ang swimming namin ng 4A. ewan ko kung matutuloy pa, sa April 16 na lang "DAW" (all caps na daw na may kasamang cliches pa) iba-iba ang naramdaman ko nung dumating ako kina leo na tatlong 4a lang dinatnan ko, at mas dumami pa ung naramdaman ko nung sumapit na ang gabi at nadagdagan lang ng dalawang 4a pa..

da mixed up feelings

nakakainis - kasi, hindi naman kami nagyaya ng swimming para lang may makasama sa pagsasaya o pag-uubos ng pera. Nagplano kami ng ganito para magkasama-sama naman kaming mga 4A this summer. Akala nila, wala lang kaming mapag-gamitan ng oras namin, kaya namin sila tinatawagan, kinukulit at tine-text para lang sumama sila. Minsan tuloy, gusto ko na ring isipin na nasasayang lang oras namin - pilit kami ng pilit, in the end of it all, taaddaannn!! hindi naman pala talaga sila sasama.

sana ung mga walang pera, magka-pera na. hindi ko naman kayo sinisisi, wala naman talagang mayaman sa atin.

nakakatuwa - kasi, na-save ko ung pera ko, wala pa kasi kaming pera ngaun, baka sa April 12 pa magpadala si mama. May na-save lang akong 300, pero okei na yun, nangutang pa ko ng 100 sa pinsan ko para madagdagan.. tsk,tsk.. para saan pa un? kaya ginamit ko na ngaun, pumunta kasi kami ngaun ng dalawa kong pinsan (si tanya and balong) sa Robinson's Place para ma-i-treat ko sila dahil pareho silang top-notchers sa school nila. kaya as of now, wala na akong pera. pag natuloy sa April 16 at hindi dumating ang pera namin, hindi na ako makakasama.

kung ano man ang nararamdaman ni JAKE ngaun, cguro un din ang nadarama ko ngaun. mahirap i-explain... bahala na.

good news:

sa wakas, nakagawa rin ng pop-up download area na nadagdagan ng isang video download. hindi scandal, politikal. nakakatuwa naman eh, kaya download nyo na... =D
it's a political ad of 2003, 30 seconds, makabuluhan, it's an anti-bush winning advertisement from moveon.org na naging kontrobersyal when CBS refused to air it on Super Bowl. Some screenshots:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com | Image hosted by Photobucket.com | Image hosted by Photobucket.com

0402502005

what I don't like much about summer vacation:

1. It's hot.
2. No schooling, no allowance.
3. No allowance = Broke.
4. Broke = Can't go to the swimming outings or any getaways with friends.
5. You miss your friends (or probably envious of them coz they'll be having a lot of fun... without you.. :)
6. It's hot.

Good thing we have internet connection... I'd get to download and watch movies (even those which are not yet showing on cinemas), burn the latest hotness in the world of music and do major editing of my blogsite... and yeah, this unbearable boredom caused by the summer vacation also gave me the time and right(?) to flood the Friendster BBS... wow.. that's how boring my life is... thank God, it's only for now... because on April 9, Saturday, we'll be having our Swimming outing! It's with the 4A so it's gonna be one cool outing! hehe... well.. hopefully..

UPDATES

some American Idol 4 songs added...

I have created a google group.. although there are no banners or pop-ups, only relevant text ads, I think yahoo groups is still much more of a good choice because google groups only offers a discussion board... people can only discuss. In yahoo groups, there are available space for photos and files. I hope to see features like these on google groups coz i really hate yahoogroups advertisements...


still on it's beta phase

sentiments

mahirap kalimutan ang kasalanan ng ibang tao sayo kapag inuulit lang din naman at kailanman, di naman nila nagawang pagsisihan, dahil hanggang sa pinakahuli, iniisip pa rin nilang tama sila. Nakakalungkot isipin na kahit masakit balik-balikan ang mga ginawa nila sayo noon, wala kang magagawa kung hindi ang maalala lang lahat, kahit maliliit na detalye, dahil parang walang nababago... at nadadagdagan pa. Hindi ko man maipakita ang galit ko ngayon, alam kong later in my life, iisipin kong gumanti dahil gusto ko ring maipakitang tama din ako.. kahit minsan lang.

invitation

we'll be having some sort of meeting at Leo's place, 5pm today (it's already 5:30 am right now, but my eyes are still glaring at the computer screen)

we'll be talking about the swimming we'll be having on April 9.. I hope final decisions will be made.

uhmm.. although I knew nothing about photoshop, I've still managed to create invitaion card designs for my pangkin matt's birthday (pangkin's short for pamangkin, it's kinda cute.. right?!) here's a sample of my work.. i think it's simple but still kawaii (hehe.. kawaii's the japanese word for cute!)



if u didn't like it, well... i don't care.. it's not for you anyweiz. =D

gone to TJ's dad 50th bday...

It's my brother's birthday, but I still went out to attend TJ's Dad 50th birthday.

A few 4aers were there. After munching on some catered food, we talked about our planned swimming outing this April. How much will be the budget for the transpo, for the food and for this and that... when suddenly, Maureen asked us if we want to join her instead (together with her family and her bf and his family) in celebrating her birthday on April 9 (though her birthday's on April 10) at some good resort in Laguna. And all we need to pay for is the transportation costs. That's a great deal since some of us can't put out a great deal of money to spend on luxury expenses such as this, especially those who are required to enroll this summer. But wait a minute... I just heard that the whole trip will be paid by the parents of mau's bf, walter. And that made some of us hesitant and reluctant to go. And we could only choose a few to come because we'll be spending other people's money.

Well anyweiz, they offered it to us freely which means we didn't ask for it in any way, and it's like an opportunity not just knocking but begging for us to be grabbed .. and wait... why do I keep on starting my sentences with the word "And"? oh well, grammatical errors again.. my brother will pick on me again once he read this entry, he never told me about reading my blog entries but I know he does.. so what? As long as I could completely express what I feel (though I know I'm also the only one who could completely understand what I've tried to express).. right?!

I've made a Karel Marquez fansite, go check it out and post comments on the cbox there... Click here to get there!

Speaking of my Karel's site, a potential friend e-mailed me telling me that she (name's carmina LALA..) wants to be my partner on managing the aforementioned site. I hope we'll be doing a great job working together.

march 31

I saw avril in person... hehe. No, I didn't have any ticket for her Bones Tour concert, neither did I manage to surpass the strict security within the vicinity where the concert was held, it's just that I, together w/ my cousin tanya, went at the back of the stage (still outside) to be able to see her in person... kahit parang puro likod ang nakita namin, at least malapit. Hehe..

Instead of tiring our legs out standing far in front of the stage, seeing only the big blurry screen (na sobrang layo rin), we chose to stay with the skaters/punks/rakistas na ang gugulo! grabe, batuhan ng kung anu-ano (like bottled water with pee, stones/rocks, lighted cigarettes).. it's better to have them around (though we feel like our lives were put in danger, rather then mingling with those feeling-models/pakonyos wearing preppy clothes... anyweiz, back to avril, we saw her inside her car! sobrang lapit! hehe! she's a cutie (coz she's not wearing thick eyeliners this time) and she waved her hands like a real superstar... hehe...

about simple plan? okei lang.. average performance I guess.. just like the other punk rock bands out there (oh.. there are so many of them already..)

It's my brother's birthday today! la lang...

so tired

dealing with people can get very tiring sometimes..

you try to do something for them, they'll ask for more, they don't care how much you give to them as long as they're getting something. They don't care if you're already empty and can't give anymore as long as they already have what they want.

once you said truth that hurts about them or when you pinpoint their weaknesses, you're a backstabber or someone who is not a true friend.. when in fact, you're just trying to show to those people that you care even if they are less than perfect.

they want all of your time when they can give none of theirs.

But y'know, I still thank God for those who are soooo true to me. They are few but they're truly the finest.

They are not always beside me but they will be there when I really need them.
They can only give something - that for me is already everything.
They don't have much of material things but they will share some what they have because they treat you as a part of they are... and do know how to really care and love.

That's why I'm wishing the best for them. I love you.. you know who you are.

wtf?!

wtf?! my site's been featured on blogtelevision.com for offering video downloads! Well, it didn't make me happy.. coz it was been featured because of Karel Scandal searches! I thought the only people who were leeching me and using up my bandwidth are my friends! I'm so pissed off by this... sheesh.. I didn't know over a million people (probably pinoys!) have searched for karel's scandal that even profit-hungry some low life sites are already offering it on their sites just for hits!! From now on, only my friends would be able to ask for a copy of scandals or anything I can download for them! This is just so unbelievable.. and disgusting.

I think I'll be changing my site layout again.. just found a cool layout today. DONE! :)

karel!

I accidentally saw a pic of Karel Maquez on some site.. and got this unusual need to see more of her photos... so I've browsed the net, the Google way.

I've gathered a few (10+ I think).. she's such a cutie. hihi..

aside from the photos, I've managed to download two songs she sang in some bar.. or some place that's really noisy.. (I wish there's a way I could filter out those unwanted cheerings and shoutings they made while Karel was singing.. oh well)

I read that there will be an album (or there's already an album, the article I've read was kind of outdated)

that's the problem with the pages on the net... sometimes, there's no date stated so the tendency is, we could get inaccurate info. so if you're planning to put up a site and there'll articles on it, don't forget to put the date when it was published.. ayt?

ok, back to Karel.. err.. haha! I liked the layout now.. but I think it's too dark... whatever.. I don't wanna change it for now. CHANGED! I'm tired of changing lay-outs. That's it for now.

happy easter!

di ako sumalubong.. antok na kasi ako, and my eyes are irritated or something..






HAPPY EASTER to YOU and your FAMILY!

evita

hehe.. eto para kay evita to:

CLiCK HerE!

cool...

A Perfect Day
=============

You have not lived a perfect day,
even though you have earned your money,
unless you have done something for someone

...who cannot repay you.

~Ruth Smeltzer~

Help someone EVERY day.

long one

Patay daw ang Diyos ngayon. - ikalawang araw.

Pero bakit ang saya-saya ng mga tao? Ang dami pang naka-porma... parang mall ang lansangan. Pero okei lang din naman, na-enjoy ko din kasi ang daming magagandang nagkalat sa kalye... na minsan lang mangyari.

Nagkalbaryo kami sa Poblacion.. galing, astig ang mga dezigns ng mga Stations,.. nakita ko pa si Binay.. binati pa kami ng "magandang gabi".. sumagot nga ako eh.. "hindi pa po ako botante" pero medyo malayo na xa nun.. ewan ko lang kung narinig nya, sana hindi... sana OO. Lakad-lakad... di ko naman talaga pinapansin yung mga dinadaanan kong mga stations... ni hindi nga kami pumapasok sa loob.. hindi nagdadasal.. pag ginawa ko kasi yun, isa lang tawag sakin => ipokrita. Patawa lang ako nang patawa.. kasi ang saya ko.. *parts of this post is available at my private blog only*....

nakakapagod. pagkagaling namin dun sa poblacion, kumain kami sa jollibee.. nangutang na naman kay gwen ng 30pesos. kasi naman.. sana naglugaw n lang. hehe.. ang weird nga eh, mga guys ng group namin ung mahilig mag fastfoodchains... tapos ung mga girls ung mga ready sa mga turo-turo and the likes.

nakakapagod talaga. pagdating ko pa sa bahay, etong kapatid ko at pinsan, mga adik sa internet! lalo na sa chatting! nag-aaway kung cno gagamit nung isang PC. buti n lang ako master dun sa main PC.. ako lang pede gumamit, may password kasi. feel stressed out na naman ako bout the summer classes na di ko alam kung kukunin ko pa. bakit naman kasi ang mahal mag-aral... konti lang naman ang natutunan... okei lang sanang magbayad ng mahal kung maganda naman ang nagiging resulta. alam nyo nangyayari sa educational system natin? nabubulok o di kaya naman bulok na talaga. ang mga teacher, dapat nagtuturo! hindi magtatanong ng kung anu-ano sa estudyante na aasahan nilang nagbasa na ng libro! tapos ipapahiya ang estudyante... tsk,tsk. dapat ganito ang proseso, ha, mga bobong guro/propesor na wala naman talagang pakialam sa mga estudyante, mag-discuss kayo nang isang araw, magbigay kayo ng assignment (pabasa o pasulat), tapos kinabukasan kayo magtanong! hindi lahat ng estudyante, matalino! may mabagal mag-pick-up! haaay... nakaka-highblood mga walang kwentang mga teachers/professors.

Pero gusto ko ring magbigay pugay sa mga guro at mga propesor kong may kwenta... magaling magturo at walang favoritism. Kahit gaano kabait ang prof/teacher, kapag may favoritism siya, hindi siya kumpleto. Kapag ang prof. walang favoritism, kahit anong pagkukulang nya, madaling punuan dahil alam nya ang kahalagahan ng pagkakapantay-pantay. eto ang listahan ko ng mga teacher na totoong teacher.. hindi nagpapanggap lang:

elementary years:

1. ms. claudio - at grade 3, san ka makakakita ng teacher na nag-eexplain kung ano ang sex at kung gano kasarap to pero di dapat gawin ng mga d pa mature enough para gawin yun.. aztig daba?

2. ms. granada - tinatarayan ako nito eh.. sasabihin sayo gagawin mo, pag di mo nagawa nang tama, gagawin nya sa harap mo (kahit ano! kahit magfloorwax xa!) ang tagal nyang gagawin yun para lang malaman mo na.

3. ms. carolino - eto ang da best! hanggang ngaun! grabe, tinanong ko lang kung ano spelling ng "committee" iniwan pa yung klase nya that time para samahan ako sa library para hanapin ung word na yun sa dictionary! san ka pa! saka iba talaga to.. dapat lahat ng teacher sa elementary tulad nya para ma-inspire hanggang paglaki ang mga bata.

highschool:

1. ms. loria - da best! eto lang ang relihiyosang kilala ko na kahit hindi mag-join sa trip na bawal sa religion nya, eh she'll make ways para makabawi sa ibang paraan. at saka nung mawala to nang makunan, umiyak kami! huhuhu...

2. ms. lugtu - pinapahiya nang pabiro ung mga studes pag sobrang pasaway na! kahit sino! kahit respetado na o matalino! hehe.. mataba pero sexy.

3. ms. cruz-intervalo - <-- aazzttiiiiggg!!! super patawa pero super strict.. eto, naniwala sakin nung mga panahong lahat na nanghusga! saludo ko kay ma'am dalisay!

college:

1. psych prof - forgot ko na ung name pero lupet magturo.. laging amoy sigarilyo pag pumapasok pero saya kasama! naglalaro kami sa room... hehehe.. lots of funny memories with this guy

2. mr. santos sa economics - graduate ng PNU summa cum laude, scholar sa UA&P... galing magturo.

3. mr fojas - wow...! nagturo sakin ng mga lessons, di lang tungkol sa mga academics... pati na rin sa pinakahirap na subject - ang LIFE.

ung iba, wala lang. okei lang.. ung tipong okei naman magturo pero madali mo ring malilimutan kasi walang something special in them to remember them by.

the rest are all rubbish, wala silang karapatan dito sa blogsite ko.

ung crush ko nga pala ay si *available at my private blog only*

vacation... haaay

umalis si kuya with his highschool friends para mag-swimming... sa matabungkay daw ata.. and he let me be the caretaker of the 2 PCs for awhile.. hehe.. malas nga lang.. d makakapag-adik mode kasi mga 4A yaya na naman ng kalbaryo.. di ko lang lam kung saan. chempre sama ako.

I've added my cuzins sa friendster ko.. c gerene and ate lennie. hehe... di ko nga alam kung pano ko sasabihin na cousin nila ako and ako ang pinaka-favorite cuzin ng ate nilang si ate che... hehe joke lang.

errr... just tried this launchcast radio thingy sa Yahoo! messenger and it's cool naman kaya lang, kaazar ang advertisements.. azar talaga mga advertisements... i hate any kind of it.. pero walang free services pag walang ganun d ba? so hurray for advertisements! lolx...

ang cute talaga ng rubber ducky sa taas ^ d ba? hekhek..

a secret page

after signing-up to other blogging sites (andami pala!), nakahanap na rin ako ng may magandang serbisyo... pero hindi naman ibig sabihin nun ay iiwan ko na ang blogger site ko.. ginawa ko lang yun para sa mga mas personal ko pang mga posts... ang dami na kasing may alam nitong site kong to... e ung pinag-sign-up-an ko na site, d maxadong kilala, wala pang advertisement of any kind... saya. at saka very customizeable din.. parang blogger. as of now, 2 pa lang posts ko.. puro mga lihim.. hehe.

superb image hosting and photo sharing service? try ImageCave

happy vacation to all students like me! :)

quote

The Critic
==========

A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car.

~Kenneth Tynan~

Find more inspirational quotes/stories/stuff @ Mountain Wings

non-stop internet action

surfing.. surfing..

dami ko nabuksang webpages ah.. hehe.. ung iba walang kwenta, ung iba meron. share ko sa inyo:

From: The Manila Times (May 31, 2004)

The Miss Photogenic award went to Moira Vania B. Yarr of Camarines Sur (Southern Luzon) while Miss Friendship was...etc.

c moira.. na-meet ko xa sa ryla dati.. beauty talaga. bakit kaya ms. photogenic lang?

From: Online Wedding

hehe.. pwede ka na magpakasal online! nope, not legal binding... just pure fun hehe. badtrip nga lang kasi ayaw lumabas nung image ng wedding certificate.. pero nakakatuwa talaga pag wala ka nang magawa sa buhay mo.

From: The Flyest People Online (daw)

parang friendster, hi-5, myspace, pinoyster.. ah cguro naman nakuha mo na ang idea.. haven't signed up yet.. maya-maya cguro.. hehe

From: Slambook

nami-miss mo na ba ang mga korning tanong tulad ng "who is your crush?". para bang gusto mong ibalik ang iyong elementary life? eehehe... sign-up ka dito sa slambooK!

well, yan lang muna.. wala kasi akong makwento.. ay meron pala..

ang dami kong na-add na mga classmates ko dati sa friendster kagabi. nakakatuwa kasi mga grown-ups na sila. hehe.. cge un lang. bye!

fascinated by me...

Yes, I make you sick and I don't have a good head... I can admit that to people who really don't know me. Judgemental, prejudice people who can't stop getting in my nerves. Everything you said about me were just mere presumptions, fallacies - LIES...

Know me first.

Because people who really know me seem not to say the same thing.

sorry...

sometimes, I say the wrong things, and people get hurt.. that's why I'm presenting this big-font, colored white (a sign of peace?), ever sincere

SORRY
to an ex-friend in friendster.

The Flooder

This is funny:

Someone sent me a message saying that I'm flooding her bulletin board because of my multiple posts.

Forgive me, kasi nagaya na yata ako sa iba na halos 4 pages ang inaabot, isang message lang naman ang gustong sabihin.

She'll appreciate it if I can delete daw my posts... as if there's something in the Friendser BBS that would make that possible.

As much as I can remember, I post messages 3-6 times only.. hindi pa nga yun flooding.. in comparison to what others are doing...

Funny thing is, I have so many "friends" in friendster that are savage flooders but I tolerate them because sometimes, their posts are about current situations they are into or stories that they
are so excited to share..... which is a good thing because they use the BBS as an outlet of their emotions.

Oh well, I will stop flooding... but I won't ask other people to, because I don't want them to deprive of their simple, even if oftenly abused, so-called "rights"...

and to some people who were irritated by my posts, delete me if it pleases you.

thanks....and again, sorry..

this is my last message to flood YOUR bulletin board.

hi exams!

ang utak ko, bow

ang utak ko
sa isip ko ay bobo na,
hindi pala, hindi pala,
natutulog lang pala!

^some idiotic rhymes that popped out of my mind while doing my SEA project.

Akala ko kasi sobrang hirap nya na hindi ko na kayang masagutan, hindi naman pala.

Ang Kwento ng Isang Imbentor (nabuo ko lang kagabi)

May isang imbentor (ako yon)
Nakagawa siya ng isang imbensyon (ano yon?)
Mahiwagang imbensyon
Nakagawa na rin nito ang iba pero iba-iba (ang gulo)
Binibigay nila sa iba lalo na sa pogi at maganda (peke naman minsan)
Hindi nakikita, parang hangin lang
Pero nakokontrol (minsan hindi), nakokontrol pero hazardous
Hazardous pero.. hmm.. nakakapagpasaya ng pakiramdam
Daig pa ang Bioweapons ni Saddam (o ni Bush)
Stop na ang giyera kung meron nito ang bawat isa
Hindi mo pwede bilhin pero hindi rin naman libre
dahil kailangan mong buuin mag-isa mo
o hingin sa iba (masakit pag hindi ka nabigyan di ba?)
namamatay ba ito?
hindi namamatay, napapalitan lang
oo, ganon nga ang imbensyon ng imbentor
na kinopya ko sa patent ng isa pang Great Inventor
pero ang imbensyon ko ay modified version
hindi kasing perpekto nung kay Great Inventor
marami na rin akong nagawang ganito noon
Yung iba tinanggap, ung iba tinanggihan
pero ok lang

matagal na tong nakatago
nilabas ko lang uli para makita
kung nandoon pa ba o nawawala na
ha? lumaki pa?
kailan ko kaya sayo to ipapakita?
o ipaparamdam nang lubusan
parang hangin
mamatay ba o mapapalitan lang?

*sigh o buntonghininga*
napangiti na naman ako nang bitter
maaalikabukan na naman lang

ending the flashbacks, I closed once again my treasure box where the supposed invention was hidden and said,

"Impossible"

while cleaning my room...

from 12-3am I've cleaned my room.. finally!!

Habang naglilinis ng room, nabuksan ko na naman ang aking kickers shoebox na naglalaman ng mga bagay ng may kinalaman sa nakaraan:

Once again, I've flipped through the pages of "The Voice", the official schoolpaper of Guad. Nuevo, my elementary alma mater. Once again, I felt proud to see my name on the staff... haaay.. I miss my childhood days. I wish I could go back...

Ang sumunod naman ay nakita ko ang larawan ng unang taong minahal ko, at alam kong minahal din ako, kahit hindi naman niya sinasabi, naramdaman ko naman. Yung taong to, siya yung unang nagparamdam sakin na hindi pala ako panget.. hehe.. oo nakakatawa nga eh.

Because I used to view myself then as an ugly person. Although that person didn't directly say that I'm beautiful, I know now that I am because I was loved by a beautiful person... siya.

Hoy teka, ang ibig sabihin ng "beautiful" dito ay general.. hindi lang mukha, at anumang pisikal ng aspeto. Kasama na ang katauhan, ugali atbp.

I miss that person the same way I'm missing my childhood days. Because I love my childhood days. They brought heartfelt laughters, worry-free days and unselfishness... the pure innocence that time could never take away from me no more because it's already a part of who I am right now.

haay nako, senti mode na naman! ganito talaga pag may iniiwasang sangkatutak na projects! o cge na... buwisit na mga projects!

Be mature enough to know how to be not childish. But don't forget to be child-like at times so that being mature will not be so stressful. -keL

GTO site

I'm currently building a fansite for GTO great teacher onizuka..

visit it someday (when it's done!)

keL

uh-oh. rant on!

It is said almost 75% of Facts and Figures of Philippine History are inaccurate or wrong.

I don't need prestige. I'm not planning to build a "smartypants" or a "genius" image and I don't wanna be tagged as one. Whatever I achieved, I count as my blessing from God and nothing more. If I joined in contests or competitions, it's for pure fun and entertainment on my part... I'm not serious about it - I just put a lot of passion on what I'm doing and that's it. If I lose, I know God is generous enough to give me another opportunity to show the talents He had given me. If I win, I consider it as a gift of good luck.

Political Science Quiz Bowl Finals Round:
Yes, majority of the correct answers came from Paul. So what? We're not the ones who were competing right? Speaking with pure honesty, I did not review for that competition because I know Paul will be enough to win it. Paul wants to win it because of his past failures of winning one. I wanted him to taste victory by his own hardwork, I refused to dominate in our group effort because I want to put the spotlight on him once he made it.

We made it. Why does it still matter for them to know who really answered the most correct answers?

Hindi pa man kayo politicians, mapolitika na kayo masyado. Hayaan nyo, next time, hindi na ako magiging shadow na lang.

Go ask Paul how did we get through the elimination round.

my prizes...

just got these and wanna share 'em to you...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

bye!

CHAMPION!! wahaha!

Champion kami ni Paul for this year's Political Science Quiz Bowl! We humiliated all 4th year opponents (beat, para naman d maxado maangas ang dating). Geraldine said we'll be representing the PolSci department in next year's IAS Quiz Bee!! wow...

My Speech:

Really, I couldn't make it without Paul... nag-aral xang mabuti kasi he really wants to win this competition. Ako? Asa ka pa! You know I'd rather hear some cool music than review textbooks.. another on my thank you list are my friends, every single one. For being there even if ever we never made it first place.

I also want to thank myself for believing in myself. For having the strength to still go to school even if I only had 2 hours of sleep (3 days in a row!). For not reviewing but finding the time in the past to read the answers to the questions that was asked in that freakin' quiz bee. For being such a Great Student Racquel! haha! Sorry but I still have the Onizuka syndrome..hehe

I won but missed something at the same time.. again, I haven't taken my comparative gov. exam.. I was supposed to get to school on time, but I forgot my project and needed to go back at home to fetch it.. tsk,tsk. I'll fail that subject.. don't worry, ready na ko, that'll not hurt too much.

wow. someone's really nice.. and talented!

well, i've requested a site layout for my planned GTO site from one talented web designer (I don't know him personally, I requested by e-mailing him.. his name's Wong WY, I think he's japanese or sumthin') and he replied so fast! And He made a layout for me for free.. we're actually communicating now on what should he put to the layout I've requested and he's not asking for anything except for a link back to his site! wow... di ko pa man xa nakikita, crush ko na sya!! hahaha!!

I'm sooo thankful to him kasi alam ko namang mahal magpagawa ng site? right?

see? the best things in life are really free..

oh by the way, tomorrow will be the quiz bowl finals. wish me luck!! (lots of it, really.)

I only got 52/80 on our NSTP finals. It's our last meeting. I liked my teacher on this subject-- si miss belinda trinidad. She's funny.. and considerate.

I still need to finish my comparative gov. project.. and oh look! I'm late for my humanities practice... so // bye!!

I'm turning Japanese!

I fell inlove with GTO before. Now... I'm falling much deeper.

We've just downloaded the live action version of GTO (yeah... not the manga version) and even if there has changes on it, it totally rocks!! I've just read that the final episode of the live action series was the most-watched televised event in Japan's history. Wow... I will not dare question why!!

Live Action Series version of Onizuka:






Manga Version of him:






uh-oh.. I think I'm late for my docped class... c yah!

finalist baby!

we've just made it to the finals in the Political Science Society Quiz Bowl!! weeee!

finals will be held on monday, march 7. well, I'm not expecting too much because our opponents will be all 4th year students! (yes, no 3rd year made it, and we're the only 2nd year who advanced to the finals...)


Paul, we made it! We'll make history, right? lolx.

I'm so cool now.. where's my cookie?!?! haha!!

a treasure for 120php only...

hehe! I just found a really good read at Booksale (taft branch) last thursday for the price of hmm.. one de luxe cinema ticket and one cheeseburger yum (w/ drinks and frenchies) at jollibee.. I do not regret buying it coz I just found out on the net that it's somehow a well-known book. "Conversations with Nostradamus" by Dolores Cannon (Volume 2. There are 3 volumes.. *sigh*). I'm still skeptical about the technique of using "channels" that can actually link past and present that the author performed (?) in this book. Though doubtful, I'm still enthusiastic and all in reading it coz it contains a lot of historical facts and creepy (scary!) prophecies.

Sorry guys, can't offer a free download of it, I already searched through the internet for a pdf copy but... no available resources.. I could give you tiny bits of info though if you want.. :)

I want to use this little space on the net to thank God for being so generous to me... and to other people as well. He's willing to give everything to you.. when you actually need it.

UGH! It was fake!

Sorry to all the people who were expecting a free download of the original harry potter 6 on my site. I have read in an article that Harry Potter 6 was set to be released on JULY 16, 2005!!! I was faked! ha! I'm such a gullible person! I'm so sorry!! Anyway, I can still offer you harry potter 1-5. I'll even e-mail it right to your inbox! email me: gothicxxx@gmail.com

again, sorry.

want a gmail account? 100mb disk space and user-friendly interface. Minimal ads (unlike Yahoo!) Interested? email me: gothicxxx@gmail.com

me without TV

RANTS!

we don't have a TV right now so I'm being left out of what's new and what's in. *sigh*

I used to be the pioneer when it comes to American Idol (facts, figures, and free downloads), now, I don't even know who the hell is Constantine! (a favorite I heard)

News and current events... ha! Don't ask.

My fave ETC!! Jay Leno show, and a lot of good shows.. I'm missing them!

Good thing we still have a PC and internet connection with unlimited surf, I get to read pieces of what's happening now.

thoughts to share...

... of studies

1) I can't keep up with people's rising expectations of me. It's as if already a sin if I've done an unscholarly act like messing up with recitations or being not punctual enough. I'm tired. I need to take a rest from an unhealthy competition that I'm afraid will turn me into a person full of insecurities. Just wait til I've fully restored my energy... you'll see a new me.

2) Fojas is correct. I need to re-establish myself by not resorting in producing mediocre work just to avoid hardships. He made me realize that its only through hardship one can be able to attain real success.

3) I'm a very disorganized person. Just look at my room, one simple manifestation of how disorganized I am right now. I think that's the very reason why I'm finding my studies too hard to understand - I'm reading a lot but not taking note of important things I must remember. I don't have an outline of what I should do and what's my target date to finish it. I have so many ideas but I don't know how to materialize it... why? Because I don't have a plan. I know now what to change in me.

... of fraternities

What if a person came up to you and said, "Would you like to join in our frat (our brotherhood, or whatever they call it)? Yes or No? I've never joined in a frat before and I don't have any plans of joining now, but I would like to make a comment on this matter.

Some of you, who maybe members already of some orgs. or just mere pro-fraternities, may disagree on my statements and may even say, "Why are you talking about things you knew nothing about?". Here's my reply: This is my opinion and this is my site, anyone's opinion counts. Should you feel the urge to counter-attack my writings regarding this topic, send me a copy and I would gladly Publish here it on my own site for as long as it helps clarify things out and your words are considerate enough to count.

I always thought that fraternities are for losers who were just trying to make it big by showing off to the public that they belong in a certain group capable of initiating influence and fear to other people. That was my first impression of the word "fraternity". Today, college life had brought me so much information that how I see fraternities now had changed.

to be continued...

for gemzon...

I woke up at 4:30 am,
got up and get out to buy my breakfast,
ate fast coz I know I still need to edit and print my report,
looked for alternative ways to print the edited documents coz our ink has been running low,
there were no paper left, I've already used them all.

So what if I still mess up in my reporting (like I did before)?

Probably, I'll be taking up this subject again which is very easy for me to pass but I'd probably flunk anyway.

Wish me luck

From 10pm - 7am

10 PM - 7 AM
I've sat in front of the laptop and surfed the net.

Damn projects! Seems so endless!
Damn blogging! It's so addictive!
Damn my crush! So insensitive!
Damn life! So Complicated!
Damn me! I can't stop whining!

I'm gonna take my midterm exam on Public ad on Monday, 1:30pm.. hopefully, I'll be able to pass it. R.A 9048 interview will be on Tuesday, 1-3pm, so I will be absent on that day. NSTP practical test later at 10:30am (coz by the time I'm typing this, it's already 4:30 am).

I'm so tired.. and stressed out.

I'm also sick by the way.

NEWSFLASH!

There's this news about a school teacher named Pamela Turner who raped her 13-yr old male student.

If this is the teacher (Click to view photo) who will actually be raping me, (that is, if I were a man.. lolz), papasok ako araw-araw! Kahit round the clock nasa school!! hehehe. kahit walang baon! haha!

Why Monday and Thursday Suck...

7:30 A.M

You've just deprived yourself enough sleep, you haven't taken a decent breakfast and you're going to school only to sit down and be called to recite about things you know nothing about.

I read the freakin' book on that subject, FYI.. (surprise,surprise!!) it's just that... we're seem not to be following any plan at all.. it feels like I'm lost, like there's no sense of direction in what we're doing in that class. The topic seems not to move on.. I know that my prof on that subject is good but, forgive me if your opinion is otherwise, I think she doesn't have mastery on the subject. Oh well.. maybe it's just me because the geniuses in our class seems to be getting it.

10:30 A.M

Ugh! here's another... I don't know how Am I going to learn in this class. EVERY MEETING, to get a grade of as high as 99, you just have to raise your hands high and get your photocopies and read the biography of different famous people. <--period. that's it. I don't want to do it. I think it's better for me to fail in this subject rather than read photocopies and get an easy grade. I've tried to go with the flow but it's just not me... I feel like this kind of learning is degrading on my part. I believe that the purpose of this subject is for us to know the political belief of one philosopher and try to compare it to the beliefs of other philosophers and analyze how are they going to be useful in the modern political set-up..

...maybe I'm wrong again.

And another thing, I can't believe why those people still ask questions when the answers to their inquiry is something within reach of their intellectuality...

grades, anyone?

100 tokens for jane!

"Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you."

Friday, Feb 4

Thanks to Joy, Jane, and new found friends named krizzy and arnie, I don't feel so unlucky at all... well, that is, if you think that not having an exam because of an unpaid tuition fee is unlucky.

But the real lucky one is Jane! In her last game at the "indiana jones" game (sort of a pachinko/bingo game played at ever), she managed to fill in all numbers and she won a hundred tokens! That's like having a week of free games!

So on Tuesday after class, you'll know where to spot me.. :)

Another Scandal...

..this time, FEU's! I've already seen one clip (and it's not the interesting part!!! damn! lolz...) and uhmm... ok, the korean girl (who, according to rumors, is an IABF student) is hot.. pero sana hinubad nya muna ung uniform nya.. hindi para sa pangalan ng school namin noh! kundi para magkaalaman na ng vital stats! wahaha!!!

Naka-DSL na kami!! (dati kc hinde.. lolz)

Weeee!!! wan to sawa sa kaka-surf!! (I'm dead! Kulang na naman lagi sa tulog!)

what I really want...

"i think ur not bein true to urself...is that what you really want or is it what you think is right for you to want??? take that mask off..come out of the closet"

ugh!

Are you saying that I'm making things up when I say that I like a man now?

Unfortunately, I really like one now.

I'm not hiding my true color... yes, I fall for women more often but I'm proud to say that I've never established an intimate relationship with anyone from the female gender.

Someone changed my point of view that all men are the same and that they all stink.

If I ignore that special feeling I felt for him, then that's self-denial.

But I still believe that men in general stink.
And that some pretty ladies deserves a space in my heart... lolz.

Not a lot of cooL people surrounds me as for the moment...

I can't understand why some people are fond of creating things which are of mediocre quality. I can't understand why they can't make things more fun...

We had a pre-valentine "party" (which is really lame and dull) in our P.E class..

Ms. Gemzon asked me if I could build a site for the FEU Alumni Association... which is cool coz I really love designing sites.

For my class for DOcPed, nothing new. The same old thing that happened last meetings happened again today and will probably be happening this whole sem.


I still don't like some people even if they're the coolest or the hippest as long as I can see that they're doing bad things to others.


hmm.. don't read this one.

I know now, why I don't like men or why I find it hard to like men... I have my standards, they are high, but still, attainable. I want a man who is smart, preferably smarter than I amso that he will not look stupid if he's with me. I'm not belittling men , it's just that I know my worth as a woman and what I deserve for being such.

I already met him. He's smart, nice and good-mannered (although I'm a bit taller than he is) and I like him. He's a friend to me and I am likewise to him (hopefully, lolz). But sometimes, I get intimidated by his intellectual might. He makes me feel less by doing more in studies. I abhor the emotions I feel when situations like him being credited for something arose. Me and my lousy insecurity...

I don't like stupid guys and now, smart guys are stressing me out... can I just be a bubble? So I can float up in the air and just... "plop!"

...vanish into thin air.

Joy's Debut...

"Friendship: a building contract you sign with laughter and break with tears."

January 9, 2005
Aberdeen Court, Quezon City

I was reluctant to attend joy's birthday bash coz, first, i don't even know where the hell that Great Eastern Hotel is located! (joy called me PromDi for not knowing where aberdeen court is.. hehe).. but due to her constant pangungulit, I finally agreed, birthday nya naman eh.

So, ayun, feeling amag na naman ako sa suot ko... I wonder, when will I start to get used to in wearing formal clothings? hehehe... Anyweiz, buti na lang sinundo ako ni jane sa may lobby kasi hindi ko naman alam kung anong floor and room ang pagdadausan nung party eh.

Well, unfortunately, Joy's 10N other buddies didn't manage to attend. Life's really ironic. Why? Ako nga tong tanging hindi nabigyan ng invitation kasi hindi kami nagkikita ni Joy sa school tapos ako pa ung tanging naka-attend. It's really disappointing for me and Joy as well.

Enjoy naman. I met a lot a of new friends and even given the chance to bond with them. Haha! yeah! So many pretty ladies! AS for guys... uhmm... average lang. hehehe...

Thanks Joy! I enjoyed your party! I love you my one of my bestest friend!

so many things to do...

got so many things to do.. and I don't have enough time to do them. I envy those people who have enough courage to let time drift away so easily...

time is really treasure... and so is computer and internet connection... lolz.

again, bert, kim and me went to wow phil... well, again, we've talked about a lot of things. some people says that I'm wasting time when I do this kind of stuff... truth is, they just don't understand.

What is spending time wisely for them? Earning money? Studying? well.. not for me.

I think I spend time wisely if I got to do things that I love the most and if I learn from what I'm doing. It's all about being productive.

I think I'm sick. I don't feel well. I have sore throath and I feel cold.

Oh well...

the party

thanks to my 4A family, the 4A christmas party was a success.

I thought there'll only be 15 heads who will be attending the said party, but no, a lot showed up and some even paid the party fee on the exact day (there are gate crashers though, did not pay a single cent but it's awryt, lolz).

There had been only 2 games - one was as crazy as hell; bert, bobbie, kim and tj went wild dancing in the tune of totoy bibbo (hey! I'm telling everybody!). another game was won by paz and kim (please tell Paz's mom that she drank a lot of beer in this game.. lolz.)

I love everything that happened, but my favorite part of it all was the overnight with the guys (I'm the only girl left!) we've talked about a lot of things - things naughty and nice... lolz. : )

Oh wait... there's one thing that pissed me off that night.. oh anywei, they're names are not worth mentioning anymore.. (why should I even care?)

one day to go...

I thought it would be serious.. thank God we didn't let one petty misunderstanding ruined our friendship. But seriously, I was kind of hurt when he acted that way towards me.. result was, my respect for him decreased. Hey there! If you've got something to say, tell it straight to the intended recipient... don't blabber things around and let other people hear what you've gotta say coz they don't have to know. If we're really friends, you'll do that and I've got no choice but to consider your point of view.

We're partly done in buying needed materials for our xmas party... but sadly though, the planned test tubes as drinking cups will never happen coz test tube's price is really higher than what we've expected (21php each) .. so, we satisfied ouselves with cute little blue glass shots that we've bought for only 9php each..

I'm really nervous about the 4A christmas party.. as one of the main organizers, I can't stop worrying about what will eventually happen. I just knew that somehow, all will be going well because I have my 4A family to back me up. Kudos to the other organizers!!! We'll rock Leo's house down! hehehe...

talks at intramuros

Me, my cousin tanya, Leo and bert went to RObinson's Place Ermita to accompany Kim in his quest to find the perfect (but cheap) gift for Julianna. After having to walk for long hours in the jungle-like department stores, we had a fine dinner at Kenny Rogers (magaan sa bulsa... hehe, gumaan ang bulsa namin)

Afterwards, we've decided to waste time in Intramuros. We've talked about some silly things there - about religion, our classmates (no! we didn't backtab anyone FYI!), and never ending tales and talks about love.. oh yeah, we've talked about ghosts and supernatural beings too (does that include you? :) lolz).

I've learned a lot of things that night... we came home at already 1am...

By the way, my cousin Tanya is just 11. Pinagalitan ako ni kuya... hehe.

my art at deviantart.com

for art lovers (like me!), you can share your artworks or view other artist's artworks at deviantart

I've just signed up and is now a member! to view my deviations (my artworks, that is), please feel free to visit my deviously deviant site at

http://racquelbalao-as.deviantart.com

yeah right...

Finally!! No errors anymore... thank God.. :)



jealous shades of green

it was seething-green,
they called it, and she
wore it well...
it complimented her
yellow streak that
was out of style,
as was her tone of
voice that rang
like disheveled
windchimes in
a cardboard box..

her encapsulated
ego spewed
spectrum tints
of bile belches...

her written word
shouted of chartreuse
bitterness that
spilled from her
pen, while she sipped
creme de menthe..

envious eyes, glowing
godzilla-green,
accented with
red flush of
embarassment..

her aura shouting
an envious shade
of jealousy, as
her serpent-green
tongue cut her
dignity to shreds...!

new files for free...

I've added a couple of interesting vidclips in the download area:

1. Anne Curtis kissing richard g. (kiss lang?! duh.. boring.)
2. The horrifying (really!) beheading of Nick Berg (I felt sick and disgusted after watching it)

I had my practical test in NSTP today! I thought I'd never make it... but I made it!(through the rain?) I'm now good at doing CPR/RB! haha! (though I lost my counting often times... hehe..)

Gawd! I don't have enough time to do my projects and more school-related activities... I'm sooo lazy! Actually, I'm not. I think the problem with me is that I'm doing things which are less important but things that I love doing. But.. yeah, I do have responsibilities so I guess I need to attend to them...

My sympathy and all to the victims of the recent typhoons. Be strong.
My heartfelt thanks to those who contributed/donated/volunteered to help the unfortunate victims of Winnie and Yoyong. You all rock!! "Only selfless love can bring a hundredfold."



YOYONG, I hate you!

I hate yoyong, he had done enough damage here in the Philippines to make me hate him! Because of him:

1. I have to cage myself inside our house for 2 consecutive days
2. I didn't manage to see the sun
3. There's so many people I missed
4. He limited my activities to only indoors
5. Many people had been adversely affected...

I also heard enough sad stories to make me hate him... but I realized something, it's part of life - sufferings and losses... we need it, so we'll learn to cope up and be ready with the graver and more morbid things to come...

Be Honest!

I want an honest answer for this question (coz right now, I'm really bothered by my conscience for offering the public these controversial videos...)

Should I or Should I not feel bothered at all?

Let me decide on that matter for some time. For now, used up my bandwidth you pervs!! haha!

heart on fire!

wow...



nope, this is not part of the heart evangelista sex scandal, only something that I've got from the internet... the sex scandal? tsk, tsk... you don't wanna know. (it's really, really disgusting)... i'm not disgusted with heart e., if that's really her, but I'm disgusted with the fact that we, people she doesn't even know, enjoy peeking at somebody's private life. We love to be on top of everybody else's businesses, which is not good. But hey, that's one price she has to pay for the fame and glamour, for being part of the so-called "entertainment" business.. well, I hope we have all been entertained folks.

Although I already had the chance to watch the controversial vid, I'm still not sure if it was really heart e. coz the head of heart doesn't move much, and uhmm,.. I know I'm not a video expert but I do think the vid was made up. I might be wrong though. But you'll be the judge of that when you see the vid. When will I going to offer it on this site? well... just visit often so you'll find out.

Last tuesday, I got home at around 9pm already coz I've spent some time having fun with doms, lyka and jo at the freedom park! It was really fun coz we're very child-like and carefree that day. Napikon nga yata c doms coz lagi xang talo and laging taya sa mga games namin. haha! No doms! di ka namin pinipikon, it's just that ang cute mo pag naaasar ka na... hehehe.

from myx to jinx

Azzar!!! I was just late for 45 minutes, iniwan na nila ako!!! e ung isa nga sa kanila (ikaw yun doms!) nagpaantay dati nang hanggang 2 hours tapos 45 minutes lang di nila ako napagbigyan?! traffic lang naman talaga!! yan tuloy! wala na akong pera! nasayang pa oras ko! d naman talaga ako mahilig manood ng mga concerts eh! kahit free pa! gusto ko lang silang makasama this night! tapos wala akong dadatnan kahit ni isang aninong itim.. kahit bakas ng bulak na may eskinol, wala!! yan tuloy! pumasok ako mag-isa dun sa orig 'to myx mo free concert na un! ang saket ng paa ko! ang gulo gulo pa ng mga tao! may nakita pa kaming lalaking bangag na nag-aano... (a guy who, while standing in the crowd, indulges in self-pleasure) talaga! dun nya ginawa! bangag nga kasi! ang kulet nga ng mata nya eh.. halatang-halata! tapos puro tulakan pa! ung mga tao, magkakamuka na! parang ngaun lang lumabas ng bahay kung magwala! may mga tga-feu pa na naka-uniform na umaga pa yata ang pasok nila kasi mejo... ayun na! iba na ung simoy ng hangin! halos d ako makahinga! kahit na sabihin pang nasa harapan ako at kitang-kita ko ang mga performers at ang mga MYX VJ's! meron pakong nakatabing mataba, mas mataba pa sakin! okei lang naman na makatabi ko xa, the gross part is, kapag tumatalon xa, i can feel the flabs in her belly na dumidikit sa kin, ung mapawis-pawis na ewan... grabe! I'm so grossed out! ang arte ko no? ok lang na sabihin mo yun, kahit nga ako naartehan sa sarili ko eh.

I saw Karel, Heart and Iya... malapit lang kasi ako sa harap. Si Heart ung pinaka-nakita ko kasi, basta, lumapit xa sa crowd. Bakit ganun? d ako nagandahan sa kanilang lahat?! tingin ko nga iisang tao lang sila eh (di ako naka-drugs noh!!) kasi magkakamuka na rin sila. Pano ba naman kasi, they have the same skin color, same hair style (pati yata length of hair), same shape ng mukha, same height... ah basta! Oo, maganda sila, pero u don't have to go out and look hard for them or hunt them down just to satisfy ur cravings for the kind of beauty they possess, just because madaling makakita nang ganung mga itsura sa paligid.

But if I were to choose among the 3 of them, I'll pick Karel. : )

That Geoff Eingenmann, he was introduced that night as the new VJ of MYX. Yeah, he got the looks, the charm and the taas ng kilay pero sad to say, he doesn't have the talent. He talked like a robot all night! His voice tells me that what he says is something he just read on a piece of paper... in short, pinapahalata nyang scripted ung sinasabi nya. But nevertheless, there's always room for improvement.

I still have a crush on pebbles!! hehe... ansaya. grabe, miss ko na xa. She's so cool, ndi maarte, mature mag-isip, masipag mag-aral (m not sure with this info since sa stats ko lang naman xa naging classmate), patawa... eon.. I really like people who have a different kind of sense of humor... ang hirap kaya makakita ng ganyan!!!

hala! dati, dalawa lang ang classification ko ng crush,

a) crush na nagagandahan
b) crush na may nararamdaman

may bago na! eto ===> c) crush na na-aastigan...

If I'm straight, I'd be like her... e kaso nga hindi eh.

strike!

awright! no classes for today! metro driver's associations (?) exercised their freedom of expression... but unfortunately, the effect to most people is not good, they find it a burden. Students left stranded, workers unable to go to their workplaces and gimikera/gimikero's gimiks postponed...

I can say that I've benefited from this strike coz I've already slept at around 3am already becoz there had been a birthday celebration at our crib -ate ivay's advanced b-day party! hehe.. :) and another thing, my presentation for the comparative gov. took all all my time (and it still will in the coming days) and I still need to read lots (really lots) of saved webpages.. I never thought Britain's history is sooooo long..

Ahhh!! I have so many things to do... see yah!

doing a research? try these links:

highbeam.com
wikipedia.org
encyclopedia.com

u luv art? ==> deviantart.com

pressured...

I've got so many things to do! I need to work on a power point presentation for my comparative gov't subject; and also read malaysia's consti!! and hell!! there's still public admin!

I'm tired...

(...to be continued)

goodbye... have a nice trip

My mom's going back to riyadh tomorrow, and I don't know why... but I'm really upset. Yes, I love it when she's not here - doing laundry ONLY whenever i feel like doing it, spending time outside our house with friends, no house chores... all i have to worry about is how i'm gonna waste my time... i'm free. But I realized, I still love it better when she's here. Even if she’s be too tough on me most of the time. I have to admit she's the one who taught me how to be independent. Though I may despise her sometimes in front of my friends, in my heart, I know I never meant to say any of those words. Those are just careless expressions of a rebel child without a cause (maybe there is, I just can't find it)

I had a dream last night... girls. Jade was one of them and the other, I don't know who she is. Well, the no-namer was the first to occupy my dreamland, and later, Jade. I think they occur not at the same time and not in the same story. I loved my dream about the unknown girl...*winks* ;)

Last Thursday, I was called by my prof for a recitation... I didn't manage to answer well. When, at last, I was asked to sit down, I said to myself, "I’m going to enjoy this subject..." :)

I hate that damn phone! Makes me wanna throw it away at a place she won't be able to find it! Ok bitterness, you won again.

don't love me out of pity
for it is not love for me,
but a kind of betrayal and deceit
a poison that can kill.
don't catch my fall
don't love me at all
leave me with just tears in my eyes...
not a bleeding heart and pride

karel in WMV

bobbie would be so happy to see this stuff... ikaw din. :)

the file is in wmv, just 300+kb, and this is the vidclip of karel scandal...

just right click and save target as...




if there's any problem encountered, let me know.

bobbie's request....

to bobbie: yung Over and over again by nelly feat. tim mcgraw, na-send ko na sa e-mail mo, yung biejean20nine@yahoo.com, paki-check n lang.

I can't host some of the mp3's in ripway.com coz the allowable file size is up to 3mb only.

Mobilehive.com is a philippine-based web host that offers webhosting for as low as 40/month, but i read that i still have to pay the php590 for the domain registration. I'm just 18 and living in the world of poverty, i can't carry that kind of financial burden.


free download

if you like this, feel free to download it!... i'm gonna kep this for up to december only (coz this is illegal! haha!) so grab it now!

Eminem's Latest - [ Just Lose It ] dirty Version!

(Right-Click and Save Target As...)

end of ramadan! no classes! :) thanks Allah!

karel screenshot

I've found a great site where you can download nice LATEST MP3's!!! I download songs from this site whenever I'm in the E-Lib of the school coz mabilis ang connection... hehehe.. now, that's a great way of really using my free 20 internet hours sa FEU! I think it's just and fair naman kasi ang laki ng binabayaran namin noh!?! I pity those people who don't want to undergo e-lib orientation so they can make use of their internet hours too. Sayang talaga.

Ok, Gino, my classmate said he found my site when he browsed google for a copy of karel scandal. No, I don't offer anything like that here in my site, but since so many people are looking for it and can't find the vidclip, I'm being generous enough to offer a screenshot from the vidclip. Here it is.

Click here to Download the PIC!

So far, I've managed to download these songs already:

Mosh - Eminem
Over and Over again - Nelly feat. Tim McGraw

I'm offering them for free. Just ask.

hehe.

Download link...

PS0322 Students Only!

Full Metal Jacket Script (48 Pages Only)

nov. 5

This sem, I need to handle a bunch of smart-asses in our section. Old and new.

I missed two of my subjects today, literature and humanities. I slept at 4:30am already!! Do you want me to die by forcing myself to get up at around 5am and go to school at 6am?!?!

I observed that almost all of our professors this sem are techie and internet savvy.. hmm.. real advantage for me. hehe.

Sir Fojas still haven't changed.. still cool and kicking ass!! I wish to be just like him when I'm already at his age. Will I still be that cool? singing clearly eminem's songs and nirvana hits? can i talk philosophically with humor? With the kind of class I'm currently with,... I don't think so. God, help me in getting good and decent grades without being a totally boring person... I'm still young y'know.

at school

first day of 2nd sem report:

lit 2 prof: dead (as of nov.2 )
humanities prof: deaad (as of nov. 2)

i don't know about the next two subjects professors. I've just wasted my time. I hate wasting my precious time.

The other friendster account I'm managing right now is booming with members. I thought I'd only have 10 to 25 members, but I managed to gather up an unexpected number of 50 members... I'm still counting.. :) (anyway, if ur interested in joining my circle of friends at gothics inc., please feel free to add us up!: gothic_rockerz@yahoo.com

I'll be creating a site for goth rockerz where I'll put up a forum and goth gallery exclusively for goth fans.

Goths on the Lose:

http://www.freewebs.com/deadwitch104

http://www.lolitaravenite.tk

rock on!


haloween!!

Happy Haloween!

I'm kinda busy today, coz I'm trying to change lay-outs of two sites (my site and four-a's). I've finally had the chance to watche that Karel scandal video clip.. hmm.. the girl is either the real Karel or it's just some pathetic karel look-alike. I don't care. I liked Karel bcoz she's beautiful and talented when it comes to hosting or vj-ing (is there such word?!) MYX, and not bcoz she's the goody2shoes type of girl. Nothing changed on how I see her.

Why the heck Am I talking about Karel Marquez here?!?! It's haloween! (so?) And I must go to my grandparent's cemeteries tomorrow!

Start of classes for 2nd sem on Nov. 2... time to wake up my sleeping thinking cap again... (but it's still sleepy!!!!)

I need to fix my passport problems. My middle name is TANGLIB!!!! not TANGIB!!!!!
I must pay a lofty sum of 1,000.00 just to put a single letter L to my middle name on my birth certificate! what a ridiculous way to spend some money...

bye for now.

hiatus no more..

not in Hiatus mode anymore... :) happy for that!

anyweiz... I'm here at Leo's place using his cuz's PC.. a very nice PC... :) and my friends are cooking! Yes! cooking coz it's Kim's 18th birthday!!! Happy birthday kimpoy!!

We went to DFA today and guess what? My application has been rejected becoz of wrong middle name on my birth certificate... (tanglib, not tangib!!!.. grrr..) I will go to Manila City Hall tomorrow to get it right. I hope that won't cost too much..

Haay... pasukan na naman... :) alive once again/.

on hiatus...

I'm on HIATUS... this means I'll be uncivilized for awhile and know nothing about the internet or computers for a short/long period of time... depends on how long my brother will be angry at me for the printer I just messed up and is not working anymore (coz he won't let me use the PC.. that's the punishment for my every mistakes... how shallow.) Leave messages in the shoutbox... sympathetic messages maybe? I love u all. I always do.
:)


grades

Ok. I already got my 1st sem grades... and guess what? I almost flunked my English subject!! Grrr... That's the price I have to pay for not attending my 7:30 AM class every tuesday and friday! I did not get any flat 1 or even 1.25.. but I was elated when I saw my grade in my favorite subject, Political Science 2... it's my highest!!! haha! 1.5!! If you're interested in viewing my 1st sem grades, then CLICK HERE!


I'm banning myself from creating negative entries for an indefinite period of time. No rants and criticisms for now. So I'ma start posting entries that concerns the topic of Philippine culture and politics (how interesting... duh.) I'm serious. This may seem a bit boring but can be a real mind-opener. :)


"We seem to inspire other nations with an irresistible urge to save us, civilize us, liberate us. The Spaniards believed they were rescuing us from the Mohammedans and other agents of Satan. The Americans proclaimed their purpose to civilize us, Christianize us, and liberate us from the Spaniards and the "Tagalog Republic". The Japanese in their turn assumed, like excellent mimics, the classic posture of saviors, and announced that they were come to free us from the Americans in particular, and white men in general. No one bothered to consult us, and many Filipinos were killed by these favors. By an amazing stroke of luck, we have managed to survive the solicitude, and to learn that in the end we must save ourselves."


- an excerpt from "What Are Filipinos Like?"
an essay by Leon Ma. Guerrero


I've already read this essay twice, today dates the third time. This is an old essay, but the lessons here can still be applied to the current dilemmas our country is facing right now. I recommend this essay to be read by everyone who wants to know what Filipinos are really like and those who are in question of what are the possible reasons why and how did we manage to become who we are right now.

grades?!?!

ahhhhh!!! kuhaan ng grades ngayon! I'm so nervous! I know I haven't done my best this sem... wish me luck!

Ok... I'm so tired of myself for writing rants, criticisms and oh so negative things. For a change, let's just not write anything today... hahaha! nah! just kidding... :)

Enrollment on Oct. 27... hmm.. hoholdapin na naman ako ng FEU.. hehe.

My head's empty today, I can't think of anything nice to post aside from pure negativities, so here, I'll just post a wonderful poem I got from http://www.creative-poems.com:


Junk


She stood quietly on the edge,
Looking at the waves crashing below.
Knowing nobody would miss her,
Doubting anyone would even know.

Alone in a sea of people,
That is the way the world made her feel.
No purpose to her existence,
Trapped in a nightmare that wasn’t real.

There were never any answers,
No one there to see her through the strife.
Just a piece of cosmic garbage,
Clinging to a lonely, useless life.

She wondered if the fall would hurt.
What if she didn’t die right away?
Knowing her luck, she might survive,
Crippled by the choice she made today.

Maybe then people would notice.
Of course, many would try not to stare.
She wouldn’t be invisible,
At least, people would notice the chair.

As she stood there in reflection,
She heard a strangely familiar voice.
She turned to see a little girl,
Begging her not to make the wrong choice.

“Mommy, you don’t want to do this.
You don’t know how important you are.
Who is going to be my Mother,
If your light flickers out like a star?”

The child became a teenager,
As she addressed the woman once more.
“Who will pick me up when I fall,
If your advice, I choose to ignore?”

And then the vision changed again,
A young woman was standing there now.
She asked: “Who will plan my wedding,
When I’ve chosen to make such a vow?”

Again the apparition changed,
An elderly woman took her hand.
“There is something I must show you,
I think it will help you understand.”

Then suddenly, all around her,
Stood a crowd of people, young and old.
“Each of these are your descendants.”
It was truly a sight to behold.

Then the vision began to fade,
And only the little girl remained.
“Mommy I’m depending on you,
Do you understand what I’ve explained?”

“Every person has a purpose,
Some will pass life’s tests, others will flunk.
But every soul is important.
God is not the creator of junk.”

With that, the vision disappeared.
And life’s meaning came into view.
All have a reason for living,
There’s a plan and a purpose for you.


sembreak

Sembreak!

Sembreak sucks! When I was younger, being on vacation was a lot of fun! But now, being on vacation is sooo borriiinnnggg!! I'm stuck in this house doing nothing! I can't even go out coz I'm so broke! And the worst part of being on vacation is missing your friends so badly! Abi is in Isabela. Doms is... well, in their house. Ang mga 4a naman, d nagpaparamdam. Thank God for internet and landline.

I'll be getting my class card this coming friday... Our plan is to watch a movie after getting our grades. Pero... parang ayoko na. Kasi naman!!!! Ang bitter ko pa rin hanggang ngayon!! Gusto ko na talagang lumipat ng skul!

in deep

(Rants & Rants)
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one to notice?
I can't be the only one who's learned

True. This world is full of pretenders, liars, wanna-be's and imposters. They don't know who they are; all they know is who they want to be in other people's eyes. I hate people like that! They even look so sane when you see them but actually, they are not! Some are afraid to be true to their selves because they think they'll look outrageous or out of this world while some act so outrageous or crazy or weird because they think it's so cool and they want people to think they are cool when in reality, they are nothing but pathetic inferior losers. But yeah, people are so gullible... they can be easily tricked. I'm not one of them and I think it's not entirely a good thing, right? coz It means I don't trust people too easily, and that's sick. Why? coz I have so many friends, but only few of them are quite deserving of my trust and I think I'm being unfair to them.

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
-Gavin Degraw "i don't wanna be"

I want to be like many other people. Coz sometimes, they have something I want to have or they are something I want to be. I always feel I lack something and they have it. Imagine this: A thing I have dreamt of all my life - and someone already owns it!!! What the fuck is that?! But hey... maybe I just have to be me. If people can't like or accept me for who I am, then the fuck with them! I'm not willing to change.

Don't try to be everything. Just try to be something.

hay nako...

"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door."-Unknown

Yes, it is true. Not everything is possible. You can never get everything you want in life.

Na-realized ko yan nung kasama ko xa nung isang gabi. Kahit ang lapit lapit nyo na sa isa't-isa, di mo xa mahawakan, di mo maipadama ang nararamdaman mo. Bakit? kasi alam mong wala kang karapatan at hindi nya rin gustong ipadama mo pa. Samantalang sa taong gusto nya, handa xang magmukang tanga para hingin ung mga bagay na kaya mo namang ibigay kahit buong puso pa, kahit hindi nya hingin. Ang irony ng buhay, bow.

Nasa harapan ko na xa. Gusto ko na xang yakapin, pero tumalikod na lang ako. Wag na lang...

Does reincarnation really exists? If it does, I'd be willing to give everything just to be that person who is destined na mapasakanya hanggang kamatayan. Hay nako... wishful thinking na naman po ako.

"Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again."-Larry Baum

Abi just told us a very weird and somewhat scary story... about a supernatural being she spotted in front of our house about past 4am of october 14, 2004. She said it was dancing. I got frightened, but only for awhile. I have spent 18 years living in our house, but nothing really bad happened to us... so I guess that supernatural being is there to be our guardian. I think we just need to respect that being and his/her territory, treat him/her as if he/she is a friend. Does he/she have a friendster account? :)

finals na!

tangna! finals na sa retorika at math!! wahhhhh!!! matthhhh!!! tago nyoko!!

...and why am is till here in front of this freakin' computer?! with marilyn manson's "beautiful people" song playing on the background?!

wish me luck na lang!! :)

ayun

Lumilipas ang mga araw na walang nangyayari
tanging itong nararamdaman ko sayo ang lumalaki
sumisikip na paghinga,
kapag naiisip na wala naman talagang pag-asa
hanggang saan, hanggang kailan
magiging isang kaibigang napag-iwanan?

pilitin ko mang pumikit para hindi makita
binubulong naman ng hangin na ikaw nga
kailan ba ako mapapagod sa katatakbo at katatago
ng mga bagay na maganda man at totoo,
wala naman akong karapatang ibigay sayo.

I did a great job on my NSTP final exam! 77/100 isn't bad at all, right? and add 5 points to that because of my complete uniform! haha!

it's jo's bday... she's a friend of doms. Happy bday Jo! (though i know you'll never be able to view this site of mine anyway.. lolz)

I truly love OPMs at this moment! Pinoy music is not dead! thanks to the effort of our indie bands and other really kewl artists like kitchie nadal and session road (i gotta admit this, I'm totally bored of parokya ni edgar and rivermaya, not because they produce bad music, it's because i want to have more choices and it feels like they're the only ones out there i'm allowed to choose from) and sorry if i will say this: I hate (hate=i don't like) those noisy pinoy rock bands like slapshock or cheese or chicosci... please forgive the way I tell my preferences.

I hate (hate = i don't like) some other TV network(s?)! i think (my opinion) what they're doing up there are exploitation of talents (need a good example? think of kris aquino) & fabrication of lies (the myx daily top ten... jerry yan is at the top today. how about tomorrow? oh yeah, christian bautista or sheryn regis or worst, even sandara park! what happened to good music?!) and promotion of things that are so naive and superficial like that "born diva" thingy... if you're truly a born diva, why should you change some of your physicalities to be able to be a singer (duh) and even broadcast how the surgeons faked the parts that made you who you are, or televise how they stole from you the identity that God gave you that made you unique from others...

I'm not a kapuso or GMA fan, but I think GMA is really number 1. I'm a cable channels fan, a very opinionated cable channels fan, that is. :)

haynako

anong gagawin mo kung ang taong gusto mo at gusto ka rin ay may commitment na sa iba pero parang kayo, feeling nyo kayo, tapos ayaw naman nya humiwalay dun sa taong committed na xa?

ang labo. oo, ang labo talaga. bakit kasi may mga bagay tayong takot tayong bitawan? para pag iniwan tayo sa ere nung isa, may pupuntahan pa tayong isa pa. sakripisyo - yan ang laging dahilan ng mga taong ang pinaiiral lang naman talaga ay katangahan.

we spent some hours at the freedom park - abi, doms and me. some people we know dropped by to share some thoughts with us. its just a simple place, a bench under a tree in front of the school church, but we made extraordinary memories in that simple place. we didn't even have to bother putting out any amount to be happy. all we ever have to show and give is everything we truly are - no more, no less.

makes me really want to believe in that old saying - "the best things in life are free"

why i changed my lay-out...

why i changed my lay-out?

because the lay-out reminds me of something... something i want to put na lang in the past, the only reason why I became bitter on the exact day of the celebration of my birthday.

It's so easy to despise what you can't get... I can now apply that in this fuckin' situation I'm into... stupid me! Why do I have to fall so deep? when i know that what I have to give will never be reciprocated. (ang drama! parang hindi ako toh ah?!)

pagkatapos, sasabihin na ganun... ah ewan... nalilito lang daw... ah ewan ko sayo! basta ako, kahit anong sabihin mo, mahal pa rin kta! wag ka nang dumada! kahit mahuli ko pa kayong nagse-sex na, ok lang! cge! pero sana maisip mo na pag-uwi nya sa bahay nila, may asawa syang dadatnan... at hindi ikaw yon...

sabagay... kung kayo naman talaga.. e di kayo..